“Let’s only buy for the children” Yet DH & I are the only ones childfree!

[PinkJeggings]

Four couples: three with DC and us without. All either my siblings or DH’s siblings.

The longstanding agreement is to only buy for the children. So DH and I have to buy presents for five children. And we get nothing back in return!

AIBU to have a little moan?

Amoiunst the cousins we buy for the baby generation in the family.

So my cousins all have children and so the children get gifts by I don't buy for my cousins as well. I don't have children and so I get small gifts from my cousins.

I only have one sibling so I do buy hi and his partner a gift AND my neices/nephews but we are close and obviously they buy for me too!

BIL has managed a cheeky work around at Christmas where he says we shouldn't exchange Christmas presents but his birthday is very close to Christmas so he still gets presents for that but doesn't have to buy anything in return

Surely this is only cheeky if he doesn't buy you birthday presents - if he does it is entirely fair and quite a good way to sure he doesn't get fobbed off with joint Christmas/birthday presents while everyone else gets two!

I used to buy for my 12 nieces and nephews and spend 50.00 each when I was child free my dB used to send Me poundshop tat but ask me what I want and on the run up to Xmas tell me he'd bought me an awesome gift and my dsis used to get me cheap toiletries all of which went unused

I used to get extensive lists for their kids...

Wo do this in my family, but it's really presents for the youngest generation in each household. So those without kids don't miss out. That seems very unfair 🤔

I guess we are split into two camps.

Camp 1 only wants to buy presents, whether for adults or children, if they are getting something in return.

Camp 2 wants to buy presents, whether for adults or for children, just because they want to buy the presents.

I must be very fortunate I believe I know very few people in RL who fall into Camp 1

We each have a sibling with no children who buys presents for our boys and we always buy them a present. I always thought that was the done thing!

Gen - yes I had a good job and looking back now was manipulated by my parents into spending excess I'm nc now

happypoobum - so why the sad face?? You've just said you're very fortunate? You should have a happy face there...

Oh, was that just PA bullshit?

Gen- I got manipulated into buying 2 top range consoles one for dB and ds one year from my Xmas bonus as according to my folks both dB and ds had a difficult year

For my husbands family- he is one of four..... they all have partners but no children. We have once child. For our DSs first Christmas it was suggested everyone just buys for him.... which was fine by us as we couldn’t afford to be buying 8 presents for adults plus no one ever knows what they want!
But we bought small token gifts from our son to them....no more then £10pp. We have done the same this year.

You can’t not get anything that is just pure mean!

I’m actually dreading his siblings having any kids as it will actually cost us more money come Christmas 🤣

Gen - such is life I'm over it now

I give my DNs a truckload of time, attention and treats because I want to. Kids only rule for birthdays and Christmas, however, means no gifts from me.

Can guarantee the parents would be backtracking big style if I withdrew my free babysitting and other services and took the easy option out of getting them a DVD or a soft toy twice a year instead.

All those who are in happypoobum's Camp 2, when you've finished patting yourself on the back for being so unmaterialistic and generous, maybe stop and think about how you are also being pretty thoughtless?

Really? I'm surprised you begrudge buying presumably your nieces and nephews a present.

But yeah adults should get you a bottle of wine or token gift imo out of politeness. But maybe at this time or year money is tight. Hopefully they are kind to you in other ways.

In my family and also with the in-laws, we buy for the adults until they have children. No children = we still buy them presents.

MrsC Kids only in our family really translates to us buying for our parents and siblings' DC but leaving out our generation who have children. We all buy for my (technically an adult) DN, because we wouldn't want him to have to sit by and watch his siblings open presents!

I have one single parent BIL and we know that DPIL give him plenty of presents and supervise DN's selection and wrapping of a gift for him too. If we didn't know this was happening, I think we would scrap (or ignore) the kids only guideline.

TBH, I was relieved when it was first suggested as my other (married, loaded) BIL always showered me with random tat from the pound shop (think: a device to allow you to microwave FOUR POTATOES AT ONCE!!!) whilst requesting really expensive gifts for himself and saying his DW didn't need anything so we shouldn't worry about her.

We do the same as someone else on the thread. I have two siblings with three kids each and two siblings without. I buy all the kids then us siblings do a secret santa between the couple's. I'm happy with that. Tbh I would rather buy adults than kids the kids get enough.

It's birthdays that f me off. Me and dp been together 6 years. dB and sil been together longer. I buy both of them and then three children two of which are not my DBs. Almost every year they forget dp. Last year i got £10 in a card this year I've been told it will be late because they can't afford it. Finally put my big girl pants on and said I am no longer buying adults feels good.

I have kids and think You are not being unreasonable. They should club together and get you a present in return. I don't think Christmas is a festival just for kids

@mirialis well said

A lot of people do get taken advantage of under the guise of 'it's for the kids', as evinced by Nicpem1982.

Thanks to everybody who has responded to my post. I do think it probably needs addressing and I may well do that after this year. As I say, I would prefer to spend a little on everybody and in no way do I begrudge buying gifts for my DN's. Indeed, I save hard throughout the year to afford Christmas without getting in debt and all the children have been bought generous gifts. I think that what hurts me is that it hasn't occurred to any of them that I won't get a gift. If that sounds grabby or childish, I'm sorry...but it's not how Christmas ever was in our family. There is no shortage of money whatsoever, that would be a different case entirely obviously. However, what I have done is sold things I have stopped wearing and using throughout the year and put the money aside and bought myself some things that would usually be out of budget. My kids will wrap them and I'll open them on Christmas morning with joy!

Oh and OP, YANBU at all!