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AIBU?

To be shocked at teacher telling DD to 'hold in' period.

727 replies

yaela123 · 11/12/2017 18:41

DD is 15 and her school have a no going to the toilet during lesson time rule, which I completely agree with on the whole as I know how disruptive it can be if people are constantly in and out, and how everyone just uses it as an excuse to bunk off (I am a teacher too - very different environment though)

Only exception is if you have a medical note from a doctor.

Today in one of her lessons DD says she could feel that she really needed to change her pad, she was getting quite worried about it leaking. She eventually asked the (male) teacher if she could go to the loo.

Teacher: No, you know the rules
DD: I really need it.
Teacher: What did I just say?
DD: It's a girl problem...
Teacher: What do you mean?
DD: Umm... I'm on my period
Teacher: Break is only in half an hour, hold it in til then

Obviously those aren't the exact words said but she says it's pretty accurate.
DD is quite shy so did just wait til break (no leakage btw).

She doesn't seem overly bothered but AIBU to be pretty shocked at him telling her to hold it in? Surely even men have some basic idea that it doesn't work like that?

OP posts:
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perchi · 17/12/2017 11:26

Lizzie that's what i"m simply trying to get through by showing actual quotes, but being accused of all sorts. If they are teachers, they really need to listen, empathise and understand.

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perchi · 17/12/2017 11:30

Here"s another one TheFairyCaravan, 11/12/17. @19*.43. "I worked as a TA for a bit. The teacher asked me to hold the fort because she urgently needed the loo as she had flooded"

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Missm84 · 17/12/2017 11:32

Perchi

I've said a girl on her period would be allowed so what's the problem?

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perchi · 17/12/2017 11:43

MaisyPops you're still not getting it, this is why I don't believe you are teachers. Please read again Lizzie 10.56

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perchi · 17/12/2017 11:53

Missm84 could you read Alfagirl73 15.53 yesterday again please and answer it properly?

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greenhairymonster · 17/12/2017 12:02

I agree that many girls will feel embarrassed telling a teacher they have their period, ds would have been embarrassed to say that he had severe stomach pains and feared he'd poo his pants. I am grateful that I have 2 hardworking, well behaved kids, who as a consequence are believed when they say they need the loo - I know others in their class aren't given permission.
The tricky thing is if your dc is a little bit challenging in their behaviour, they still might be desperate to visit the loo - through no fault of their own (assuming they visited the loo at break) what happens then? - it a bit like the boy who cried wolf - but what a harsh lesson it would be fr your dcs to have an accident in the classroom.

And are there really enough loos in a school, for the entire school to visit them at break time?

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catkind · 17/12/2017 12:09

The trouble with teachers trusting their instinct is that while some teachers have a great feel for their class, others take that as license to indulge their prejudices. (Whether a student likes their subject or not. What language they use to talk about periods. Whether they're generally brash or quiet.) And take the resultant terror for respect. And they probably nod along when colleagues like maisy who do have the measure of their class talk about the great atmosphere, and take students successfully hiding any leakage behind their bags as "I've never had an incident in my class".

I still remember the teachers who clearly had me down as "trying it on" (not specifically toilet related but generally), even though I wasn't. The knowing look they gave you. As a law abiding truth telling mouse of a child, it was terrifying not to be believed, because you knew that teacher couldn't be relied on.

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Missm84 · 17/12/2017 12:12

Perchi

If a child is under the doctors for an issue such as diabetes like Alfagirl mentioned, I'd expect parents to inform me to allow a loo break.

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MaisyPops · 17/12/2017 12:12

You can think what you like. The opinion of some randomer with a chip on their shoulder doesn't change my job.

Thankfully I enjoy my job, like my grouos and have great relationshios with my students so your 'i dont think you are a teacher' means absolutely jack shit.

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Missm84 · 17/12/2017 12:14

Yes there should be enough loos for everyone to use at breaktime.

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ErnestTheBavarian · 17/12/2017 12:15

It does also depend on the school itself though. When I taught at a really rough London comp we teachers would get into trouble for letting kids out to the loo. Usually they would be smoking all sorts in the loo, vandalising, bunking off, fighting, you name it. It was a big no no.

Tbh I can't remember what I would do in an extreme case of being/desperation. Too long ago.

Now the school I work in is the polar opposite, and everybody is pretty relaxed about kids going out when they need to, unless the teacher is mid- explanation. There's little disruption and it works.

But like I said, the 2 schools couldn't be more different, and the former had little choice but to be so tough, caused by the side spread problems by pupils. Shame it impacted on other pupils.

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MaisyPops · 17/12/2017 12:23

ErnestTheBavarian
Agree it's very school dependent

I worked at a school where a group of students met up ahd started a fire in the toilets in order to trigger an evacuation. It was during a time where the fire alarm was being falsely triggered 3 times a week

Now the school I'm in a bit of common sense and discretion goes a long way. We are encouraged to avoid mass toilet trips and students are encouraged not to take the piss and bit our head trusts us to make the best call with the info in front of us. It works well. Staff, students abd parents are happy.

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MaisyPops · 17/12/2017 12:23

ErnestTheBavarian
Agree it's very school dependent

I worked at a school where a group of students met up ahd started a fire in the toilets in order to trigger an evacuation. It was during a time where the fire alarm was being falsely triggered 3 times a week

Now the school I'm in a bit of common sense and discretion goes a long way. We are encouraged to avoid mass toilet trips and students are encouraged not to take the piss and bit our head trusts us to make the best call with the info in front of us. It works well. Staff, students abd parents are happy.

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Ceesadoo · 17/12/2017 12:26

If it were my classroom, I would have let the teenage girl go to the bathroom. Imagine if she had leaked.

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perchi · 17/12/2017 12:42

MaisyPops I don't have a chip on my shoulder. The loo subject is close to my heart because dd (now adult) has pcos and since her teens has "flooded". At school (this was grammar though, don't know if it's different) they all had free use of toilets. I know for a fact my dd would have very anxious and upset if she had to explain things to her teacher or even had to apply for a pass. I feel for all the women on this thread who have been trying to get through to yourself, Pengyyn and the others. But you still don't get it. It appears it's you who has a chip on the shoulder for some reason. Your attitude and the other "teachers" towards parents is very patronising and i'm not the only one to say this.

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perchi · 17/12/2017 13:04

Actually MaisyPops I think i'll be as rude as you are. The opinion of some randomer who claims to be a teacher but can't even understand what parents are trying to say, doesn't matter to me. I'm alright, my kids have left school and none of them had to divulge their personal toilet requirements whilst there. If they had of done, I would have been one of "those" mothers. Incidentally, do you have children and do they have to explain why they need the loo at school?

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MaisyPops · 17/12/2017 13:14

Sigh. Here we go again.
I love how invested you are in telling people they are lying about their job. It's like you are waging some weird war in your head.

I listen to the parents of people I teach and on here. I challenge our school leaders if i think there's an issue affecting students negatively. I regularly discuss with people on here including people I agree and disagree with and manage just fine - that's parents and teachers

I am only dismissive of people who are refuse to apply a spot of logic or common sense to a situation. I am dimissive of your approach because you come across as totally and utterly ridiculous.

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perchi · 17/12/2017 13:25

I love how you can dish it out but not accept it back. And you've not said whether your own children have to divulge at their school, whether they suddenly need a poo or have a period?

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MaisyPops · 17/12/2017 13:34

I don't get my students to justify their tpilet request so I fail to see your point. I ask if they really need it or can wait X amount of time.

I'm bored of you now. Have fun fighting your silly battle in your head.

I'll stick to supporting people who are rational to navigate school stuff

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perchi · 17/12/2017 13:50

I thought you said you were open? Just about everyone has discussed their kids except you? And where's this supporting people? Look back through the thread and see what people have been saying about you and trying to tell you. And next time you're dishing it out, make sure you can take it back! Bye Bye MaisyPops

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TracyBeakerSoYeah · 17/12/2017 17:04

Maisypops I'm a parent & to me your system sounds fair.
You sound like a lovely teacher & I get a real feel from you that you love your job (even though I know teaching can be challenging at times, hearing from teacher friends & helping out at schools myself.)

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MaisyPops · 17/12/2017 17:09

TracyBeakerSoYeah
Thank you. It's not perfect by any means (but then I've never seen a system working with people that is).

I do love my job and love the students. It's probably why i get so damn exasperated at times. Grin

Most people we meet are like you and get it

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Tink2007 · 17/12/2017 17:55

Thinking back to when I was at school, I was 13 and suffered from heavy periods. I felt the feelings of a “flood” and asked my science teacher (who was a woman) if I could go to the toilet. She said no. I explained the reason why and she still said no.

I returned to my seat and could feel it leaking. In the end I burst into tears at which point she reluctantly let me go. It made it all the more embarrassing as everyone was trying to work out why I had got so upset.

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perchi · 17/12/2017 19:25

Thanks for sharing that Tink, there's been many experiences like yours on this thread, sadly. I don't know if OP managed to resolve it with her dd's teacher, hopefully she did.

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perchi · 17/12/2017 19:42

MaisyPops I was genuinely pleased to read that you love your students, don't think you've said that before on this thread? I apologise for saying that I didn't think you were really a teacher, need to learn to keep my mouth shut (or fingers off the keypad)

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