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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dedicated a book to friends dcs and she's not mentioned it

339 replies

Trampire · 11/12/2017 12:24

I'm braving AIBU. To be honest I'm not sure where to put this...

I'm feeling a little confused. I'm a professional illustrator. I've had hundreds of books published. I often get asked to include a dedication in the book. Over the years I've included my own dcs, my dh, my mum and dad and friend's children.

I few years ago I reconnected with an old school friend who is shared a flat with in London when we were in our 20's. We're in our mid 40's now. My dcs are slightly older than hers but we met up a few times and had a great time, all got on well. We regularly sent birthday and Xmas cards. I sent through copies of my new books to her dcs etc. When my dad died earlier this year she was really supportive, lots of phone calls and we met up for a dog walk. She sent through a photo of her daughter on World book day dressed up as one of my book characters - I was really touched.
So when I was asked for a dedication for my latest book I put her dcs names forward. When the title came out I sent her a few copies along with a birthday card for her. I explained that I'd dedicated the book to her dcs as they were always supportive and interested in my books.

Thing is, since then I've heard nothing. I left it a whole as I know life is busy. We normally communicate by text. I sent her a text a month later asking if she was ok and did her dcs like the books? No reply.

Wtf? Could anyone possibly be offended by a book dedication? Maybe it's nothing to do with that and I'm over thinking it? She doesn't do SM but her husband does. I've taken to looking at his fb page to see if something tragic had happened but from what I can see it's business as usual.

I'm so confused. Shall I leave it? I'm not offended or angry about the book really (I dedicated a book to my dh's niece once and my BIL and his de could not have been less interested!) and just so confused as it's do out of character.

OP posts:
YellowDiamond · 12/12/2017 17:46

Dear trampire, you sound lovely and are not being unreasonable. Abitoutofpractice beat me to it; I think it would be fab if you dedicated your next book to this thread and all of us on mumsnet..

Pibplob · 12/12/2017 17:51

You need to check that she got the book! Most people would be really touched and chuffed with that so I think she hasn't received the book.

KurriKurri · 12/12/2017 17:54

You could dedicate your next book To all the people I've dedicated books to in the past and have appreciated it, but not to those who ignored the honour'. And send her a copy Grin

Moonyroony · 12/12/2017 17:58

I've not read all the replies and like mot people can only guess what's happened. However, as has already been suggested, I would send a text saying something along the lines of... Hope everything's ok with you and yours. I haven't heard from you since I sent the books, please let me know if you're ok. Or some such thing.

This is perfectly reasonable imo and cuts straight to the point, in a nice way, as opposed to going around the bush or dropping hints in a Xmas card.

Lambside · 12/12/2017 18:03

I'd be really concerned about your friend and not necessarily connect the silence with the dedication in the book.
Do you have any mutual friends who you can ask?
Is she still active on social media?

ringle · 12/12/2017 18:07

Maybe she thinks you've got an annoying crush on her?

funny that a book illustrator avoids bookshops!

HeyRoly · 12/12/2017 18:18

I think you should be direct with her and say "since I sent you those books you've ghosted me and I'm very confused and upset. Would you like to talk about it?" You have nothing to lose at this point. If the silence continues then consider the friendship over. But what a bizarre reason to end a friendship Confused

ColonelJackONeil · 12/12/2017 18:18

It was a lovely gesture to dedicate the books to your friends dc and most children would love this. It doesn't seem too big a gesture either given you have lots of books out. I'm really surprised she acted that way reading that she was so friendly before. So I would look into it before assuming she is now being unfriendly.

If the books did get lost in the mail, then she got the text saying was she ok and did the dc like the books she may not have understood it? Anyway best to try to talk to her and see what she says.

Bluntness100 · 12/12/2017 18:18

I hate to say it but I wonder if she gave the books away and has no clue what you’re talking about and doesn’t know how to say.

And as for this little gem

Maybe she thinks you've got an annoying crush on her?

Are you drunk?

jayne1976 · 12/12/2017 18:20

Wouldn’t assume it’s lost, because you have mentioned it to her on text and she not said - errhh what are you talking about!

happypoobum · 12/12/2017 18:20

I would think she hadn't received it to be honest.

I would definitely mention it - did you receive the birthday card and books dedicated to your DC? I don't think that is rude.

Motoko · 12/12/2017 18:37

But OP has already sent her a text asking about the books!
The friend never replied.
If the books hadn't arrived, surely she would ask "What books? I haven't received any."

sonjadog · 12/12/2017 18:46

I wonder also if she hasn't noticed the dedication? When I get a new book, I start where the story starts, I don't go through it from page one.

ptumbi · 12/12/2017 18:52

Oh God - she's sent the books to the charity shop! She thought they were too 'young', or too 'old' or not of interest to her kids...

I bet.

ringle · 12/12/2017 18:55

Yes.

ringle · 12/12/2017 18:55

Drink!

Drink!

Drink!

ringle · 12/12/2017 19:01

or maybe the OP is a genuine author but is using this thread to create a story for one of her books?

"The case of the bloodsplattered dedication" and all that.

XmasInTintagel · 12/12/2017 19:08

Maybe she thinks you've got an annoying crush on her?
Thats possible I guess, I once gave someone a small box of chocs as they did a brilliant job (professionally, but solved something I'd been battling with for a year). Expected never to see them again after that, genuinely, but got a speech about how what she did was her job, nothing more, and we would not stay in touch, as we weren't part of each others life! I still wonder if I have some bit of body language I'm unaware of, which looks like I'm flirting or something Grin!

ringle · 12/12/2017 19:11

maybe the book has offended because it is religious or something? or has coded Christian messages and she is a devout humanist?

sorry, it's been a tough day.....

LavenderDoll · 12/12/2017 19:47

I'd have to ask her if everything was Ok. No thanks no acknowledgement and no contact is very odd
I think it's a lovely thing you did OP

Crunchymum · 12/12/2017 19:54

Oh my Lordy, can people read the opening post at least.

The OP sent the book and a month later sent a message asking if her friend had received the book. If the book had gone AWOL the surely the friend would have replied "what book? We didn't get any book I'm afraid"

Although granted none of this explains the friends complete and utter silence.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 12/12/2017 19:57

Go and check the charity shops near where she lives....

eddielizzard · 12/12/2017 19:59

well i'd be hacked off. it's a lovely thing to do. she did get the parcel because she didn't respond to your text. she would have said then if she hadn't received it. i think she's bloody rude and ungrateful! send an xmas card, but ignoring your incredibly kind gift was awful and unkind.

FluffyWuffy100 · 12/12/2017 20:08

@XmasInTintagel that is very funny!

FluffyWuffy100 · 12/12/2017 20:09

I think I would be worried - like maybe your friend is having a bad time right now or one of her kids are? do you have any mutual friends you can talk to to see if she has been in contact with them? Is she still posting on FB normally?

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