Dedicated a book to friends dcs and she's not mentioned it

[Trampire]

I'm braving AIBU. To be honest I'm not sure where to put this...

I'm feeling a little confused. I'm a professional illustrator. I've had hundreds of books published. I often get asked to include a dedication in the book. Over the years I've included my own dcs, my dh, my mum and dad and friend's children.

I few years ago I reconnected with an old school friend who is shared a flat with in London when we were in our 20's. We're in our mid 40's now. My dcs are slightly older than hers but we met up a few times and had a great time, all got on well. We regularly sent birthday and Xmas cards. I sent through copies of my new books to her dcs etc. When my dad died earlier this year she was really supportive, lots of phone calls and we met up for a dog walk. She sent through a photo of her daughter on World book day dressed up as one of my book characters - I was really touched.
So when I was asked for a dedication for my latest book I put her dcs names forward. When the title came out I sent her a few copies along with a birthday card for her. I explained that I'd dedicated the book to her dcs as they were always supportive and interested in my books.

Thing is, since then I've heard nothing. I left it a whole as I know life is busy. We normally communicate by text. I sent her a text a month later asking if she was ok and did her dcs like the books? No reply.

Wtf? Could anyone possibly be offended by a book dedication? Maybe it's nothing to do with that and I'm over thinking it? She doesn't do SM but her husband does. I've taken to looking at his fb page to see if something tragic had happened but from what I can see it's business as usual.

I'm so confused. Shall I leave it? I'm not offended or angry about the book really (I dedicated a book to my dh's niece once and my BIL and his de could not have been less interested!) and just so confused as it's do out of character.

It seems there are a lot of people on here who would love you to dedicate a book to them, Op. Myself included :) I like the advise above that you can never predict how some people will react. But I suspect they got lost.

That is, by the way, lurking with an L ;)

Guaranteed that it got lost in the mail.
Without a doubt.

Why would it be self absorbed to expect thanks for doing something nice? I mean it's a standard social interaction, heck even my toddler managed it and he's still half wildebeest.

Cheshire, on mumsnet (only), expecting anything more than a kick up the arse for doing a nice thing for anyone, ever, is ‘self-absorbed’ and ‘entitled’.

HTH.

Did you put the sticky inside the book OP? Because maybe she just handed the book over to her kids without looking inside and now it is simply lost in the quagmire of their rooms and she forgot to send a thank you for what she thought was “just” a copy of your book. And still has no idea about the dedication. Maybe I’m grasping at straws though!

I can understand not wanting to follow it up but the thing is it would still be at the back of your mind and could cause tension in your friendship when there could possibly be an innocent explanation like the book got lost in the post or she was distracted by an unrelated issue in her life. I just think it's a shame that if you don't get to the bottom of it you might always feel like she ignored or rejected your lovely gesture when actually there might have been a misunderstanding. I hope there has been anyway because I can't see why someone wouldn't appreciate such a kind thought and it sounds out of character when she has previously been supportive of your work.

I wouldn’t be able to leave it there. Mostly out of sheer worry that the parcel was lost and your friend has been upset you forgot her birthday and have stopped sending copies of your latest books to her children.

I reckon if you have a text relationship only, she may have felt the dedication was something she wanted to phone to say thanks for but put it off for same reason you are putting off ringing, just a bit awkward, even though it's only the thought and in reality it would be fine. I know it's hard but I think you need to ring her on a completely different subject, don't bring it up at all and arrange to meet up maybe and it will probably come out then by her.

People are odd. I've been sending Christmas and birthday gifts to my god-daughter and her younger sister for over ten years and not once had a thank you either by text, card or call. I know they've received them, and now they're getting older I even usually check in advance with their Mum (who is an old friend) what vouchers etc they might like, so we'll have a discussion beforehand, and then I just don't hear anything. I'm not the sensitive type and don't think I'm easily offended, but it's a bit hurtful. I don't blame the DC for it though, so will continue sending them every year

@Trampire I feel I have now made it.

Does anyone remember the days when people SPOKE to each other on the phone rather than sent a text?

Much better to SPEAK to her because then you will be able to hear the tone in her voice and have a better understanding (maybe) of how she is feeling.

OP - just rung her!

Ring not rung!

Bitoitofpractise beat me too it

I'm with the theory that she hasn't even seen the post it note.
You say you've sent books before... so I expect she's "over" looking through them in detail herself and gives them to the kids.
How old are they?
Illustrated books could put them firmly into the age of not knowing about dedications so even finding the post it might not give it away.
They might not even have opened them yet.

My BIL gave my child a model kit last Cmas and we still haven't done it. It's lovely, a great present - life is just busy. So if they haven't opened the book yet, I don't think you should think that rude.

One missed text... meh. Especially this time of year!

Just carry on as normal and next time you're in contact, tell her you did a dedication but only left a post it and think she might never see it.

I think as you've sent books before, the arrival of these ones wasn't a big deal (not in a rude way) and she doesn't even realise.

Has to be some sort of mistake, anyone would love a book dedication. I think I would ring her, and say I was ringing up as I hadn't heard from her, then tell her about the books.

Theory A) The books never arrived

But then why did the friend ignore the text asking if she received them, rather than saying "oh gosh no, nothing's arrived"?

Theory B) She didn't see the dedication

It's just as odd not to acknowledge the gift without the dedication as it is with it. I'd think this was the case if she'd said "thanks for the book, the kids love it!" without mentioning the dedication, but nobody gets a book through the post and just hands it over to their kids and forgets about it without thanking the sender, especially when the sender follows up later.

Like I say, I think the explanation is pretty mundane and think there's next to no chance OP has somehow caused offence or bad feeling, but neither of these ^ theories are satisfying to me.

MultiLayeredTart

How selfish and rude. The children will not suffer because they don't receive a present from you, I'm sure they will have plenty more. Maybe the mother doesn't say thank you because she thinks as god-parent you "owe" this? I would be making this year your last.

Also I agree that all these suggestions of "slyly" pretending not to remember if you sent the books etc. are a bit passive-aggressive. These schemes are always really transparent in real life, I think the friend will see through it.

I agree with sending a text but not related to books etc.

With freezing temperatures and Christmas rush happening there’s a good topic of conversation!

Something like “hi! Sorry no contact for a while - manic here with weather and xmas preparations? How are you? How’s preparations going your end? Card is in the post”

So OP sent the book and received no response? Then a month later she sent a message asking if they liked the book?

Surely if the book had gone missing the friend would have replied and said "oh no what book? We didn't get anything"

God this thread is bloody exasperating.

Just for complete clarity, here is what the OP said

*When the title came out I sent her a few copies along with a birthday card for her. I explained that I'd dedicated the book to her dcs as they were always supportive and interested in my books.

Thing is, since then I've heard nothing. I left it a whole as I know life is busy. We normally communicate by text. I sent her a text a month later asking if she was ok and did her dcs like the books? No reply*

OP, you would be better of sending a generic 'you OK, not heard from you' type message and see if you get a reply from that.

Don't know why the bold didn't work there?

I think they were lost in the post. It does happen. If this is a good friend, and it was a lovely gesture such as this, then the chances are she simply didn't know. It's also possible they've had an awful year and she hasn't had the energy to get in touch - I never put very personal things on Facebook, either, just minor anecdotes and the odd photo. If it's very personal, then it's, well... very personal!

As for self-absorbed... I can think of few things more so than coming on to a thread such as this to post a purely spiteful comment. You'd need to be a special kind of solipsistic, in fact.

I am dying of curiosity, I want to know what the book is???

Could it be that she got the books but hadn’t noticed th dedication? Also if you’re looking for a dedication for the next book 🙋🏻‍♀️