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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pull out because of programme at Christmas concert

331 replies

Whyamistillawake · 10/12/2017 17:28

I've been going to a choir since September, most of which has been practising for the Christmas concert this week.

We've just had the final rehearsal in which they've introduced a duet which us two people (not including me) singing 'Baby it's cold outside'.

Am I overreacting to pull out? At the moment I don't see how I can sit there through it.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 10/12/2017 23:25

Mmmm, I think there’s a fine line between pestering and coercion. But it’s a boring world if we all agree!

curryforbreakfast · 10/12/2017 23:34

In the clip the woman tastes the drink, says 'what's in this drink' and puts it to one side.I challenge anyone to look at either clip and say either would be acceptable in a film today (as humour)

If it was written now it would mean what you think it means. It didn't mean that then, at all.
You cannot use modern sensibilities to change the meaning of songs from 70 years ago! It is horribly arrogant and unfair.

ijustwantfiveminutespeace · 10/12/2017 23:37

I have just read this post and think 'what?'
It's a cute song? I don't understand what weird dirty things people have in their minds. It's a sweet song and that's all their is to it. No hidden agenda!
Get a real problem, seriously!!!

MoreCheerfulMonica · 10/12/2017 23:39

Yes, sorry, PumperthePumper, I could have worded that better. Even so, there's a difference between seduction and coercion and I fail to see that there's coercion here; her objections seem to be token and half-hearted, based on what she fears other people's reactions would be. Anyway, this has all been said already.

curryforbreakfast · 10/12/2017 23:42

The issue is none of us know what intention the song was written with

Except we do and it isn't what you think it is!

Pumperthepumper · 10/12/2017 23:46

Aw sorry Monica I was actually replying to a different poster! I think it’s a bit dangerous to go down the ‘she didn’t protest enough’ route (I know we’re talking about a fictional woman in a song!) because that’s an arguement we hear all the time to justify assault. But I completely appreciate that people interperate things differently.

VladmirsPoutine · 11/12/2017 00:02

This thread is another one of those examples of MN on acid. Sheer absurdity.
Sort of reminds me of a certain type of woman that piously moves NASA t-shirts from the boys section to the girls section in the name of feminism. Confused

BackforGood · 11/12/2017 00:09

I'm inclined to agree Vladimirs
I've seen this argument on here before, and only on here.
It's pretty clear to most right thinking people that the young lady singing the song wanted to stay but - given the time it was written - was worried about "what people would say".
If, there is something in your mind that wants to put a very different slant on it, then that, of course is your free choice to do so. If, however, you want to make some kind of stance about it, then you need to actually explain to people why you aren't singing in the concert. Ridiculous to claim some sort of moral stance but then hide it away so no-one knows it is even a protest.

Opheliasgoldenwine · 11/12/2017 00:10

Is this just to avoid Ruth S?Grin

MajesticWhine · 11/12/2017 00:13

You are entitled to your feelings about this OP, I think YABU, and over reacting but your assessment of this situation is being warped by a bad and I would guess possibly traumatic past experience.

MoreCheerfulMonica · 11/12/2017 01:02

Yeah, I know that in real life the "but she didn't say no" argument is problematic, but a song written in 1944 is a different thing.

Original poster
Whyamistillawake · 11/12/2017 02:45

Thanks everyone. All entitled to your views. Not sure how this ended up with a transgender comment though!

For all those certain what the song meant in 1944 - fine. I'm not sure how you can be so certain but I can accept it was written with that meaning. In the 1949 film it was given one of strong coercion therefore it's clearly possible to interpret it both ways (as i have said many times). It's not being sung in 1945 or 1949 but 2017 at at time when secam assault and sexual coercion is massively in everyone's attention.

But I do appreciate I'm doing the AIBU thing of AIBU' YABU' 'Ignore' here. I'm not ignoring but try general perception of this is by helping me decide how to deal with this. I can't sing (I'll not enjoy the performance now and this song is towards the end), it's just how I deal with that and whether I explain why I'm pulling out.

Pulling out wouldn't be some form of protest, as I've said I cannot sit on a stage and laugh and clap through this song. Not telling would genuinely be to avoid the choir master being put in a difficult position. If IABU and precious, why should I be his problem?

OP posts:
ProperLavs · 11/12/2017 06:03

this thread is bonkers

Coolhwip · 11/12/2017 07:00

I'm in my early 30s but have watched a lot of older films, and I don't think the song is about pressure or that the scene with the drink is about drugging the woman.

I come from a culture where sex before marriage is socially unacceptable, as it was in 1940s USA, and I remember being up until 1am with ex, coats on, holding hands, trying to convince eachother he should leave, but not managing it easily. That song reminds me of the excuses we made! Great memories! Smile

TwoPoint · 11/12/2017 07:12

You're really struggling to find things to be offended at aren't you OP.

Sing or don't sing.

LittleDorritt · 11/12/2017 07:15

Wow, your interpretation of it went entirely over my head all these years. I've never hear what you hear in it.
I think whether you tell or not, you can't probably say goodbye to your choir. They will either think you are bonkers or hopelessly unreliable. It's a pity.

LittleDorritt · 11/12/2017 07:17

*heard
*can

Damn you MN for your lack of edit function.

berliozwooler · 11/12/2017 07:19

Sort of reminds me of a certain type of woman that piously moves NASA t-shirts from the boys section to the girls section in the name of feminism.

A type of fantastic woman?

OP, if you do pull out of the concert please say why and don't just not turn up. The meaning of the song is at least debateable and it's a duff choice.

LizzieSiddal · 11/12/2017 07:26

OP Flowers you certainly are not the only one who interprets this song as you do. Many many others do to.

The important thing is to how you feel about it. It makes you feel uncomfortable and brings back horrorible memories. So you’re doing the right thing by not going!

I have a few songs I can’t listen to, I always track for the off button on the radio, and definitely would not want to sing them. There’s nothing at all unusual about that.

TheFirstMrsDV · 11/12/2017 07:27

There is nothing more dismissive and less sisterly than telling other women to get a grip, particularly when it comes to stuff like this

Bollocks.
'stuff like this'? Like what exactly?

This is a song written decades ago. It was risque then because women were not supposed to want sex and couples were supposed to wait until they were married.
People listening to it now who are not considering historical context are trying to find reasons why the woman seems reluctant. They are concluding that she doesn't want sex but is too scared to say it.
They are wrong.

I do not consider it 'unsisterly' (ffs seriously?) to signal my impatience with an ill considered, knee jerk reaction, to a song with 'get a grip'

A grip needs to be got and I think its ridiculous to treat women as if they need constant agreement and support regardless of how wide of the mark they are.

LizzieSiddal · 11/12/2017 07:27

*reach

TheFirstMrsDV · 11/12/2017 07:28

a pp is correct.
'whats in this drink' is a common line in many an old movie. Its supposed to a sharp comment and is used by men and women

Meeep · 11/12/2017 07:42

Sidenote: I think girls should have access to NASA t shirts.

Sullabylullaby · 11/12/2017 07:43

She's pretending she wants to leave but really doesn't is how I interpret it?

Purplelion · 11/12/2017 07:44

OP if you decide to pull out and say you’re ill, what happened next time you don’t like a song? If you feel strongly enough that you can’t sit on a stage whilst someone sings it then you need to tell the choir master why. Next time there’s a concert and a song you don’t like is added will you be ill again? FWIW I think you’re being ridiculous and creating a problem where there isn’t one but you don’t think you’re BU despite the majority of people saying you are when you asked for opinions!