Anyone remember the Flexi-time CF?

[Abouttoblow]

Thought I'd heard the last of her but unfortunately not. Colleague who left her job due to cheeky fuckery with her flexi-time for those of you who missed the first instalment.

I'm moving between fuming, embarrassed and incredulous at the moment. I've also laughed but I think that's shock more than anything
DH and I were out for the afternoon at a Christmas market. Had a lovely day and stopped at an coffee shop with tables outside before coming home.
We'd been there about 10 minutes when I noticed a group of ladies in their 60's a few tables away and one of them was staring straight at me. I didn't recognise her and carried on with chatting with DH. I noticed her again when all her friends started turning round to have a look. I didn't know any of them.
I'm starting to think she may be someone I'd been in contact with in a work capacity as she is looking quite angry. As I said in the original thread I work with children/families and I have been approached by people previously who have been angry and upset. Only a couple of times though.
I continue to ignore it and we're getting ready to leave. DH goes inside to pay and use the loo and the minute he does this lady gets up and comes over, with her takeaway coffee cup in her hand. I can tell by her face it's not going to be a pleasant chat.
She asks if I'm pleased with myself and I say "I'm sorry, I don't know who you are". She says she's FTCF's mother and who do I think I am to refuse her daughter a reference! Do I realise I've ruined her career and I should be ashamed of myself. Everyone is looking now and I don't want to get into it so I just say she really doesn't have all the information.
She then takes the lid off her coffee and empties it into my fucking handbag on the table and walks off!!!!
I'm absolutely gobsmacked
I'm home now and want to call FTCF and give her a mouthful but DH is trying to talk me out of it.
Maybe I should just have a large G&T

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3023633-To-make-an-official-complaint-about-colleague

I assume her Mother told her you started something with her rather than it was her that approached you. I'd be interested to see how the Mum spins it.

I wouldn't minimise this to the police. She's obviously extremely entitled in her thinking, and her mother thinks nothing of being violent towards someone she doesn't even know. Get the police to have a word, and tell your employer too.

The good thing is CCTV will clearly show that DM of CF made first move

You've spoken to the police, which is great, but also speak to a lawyer about preventing further harassment from CF and her DM

I am totally at the absolute CF of them both.

Definitely raise it at work as work related. I hope she's not slandering you to anyone as you work within the same sector. Does boss know she asked you repeatedly to lie and give her a reference ? That's so shocking

Her text is absolutely terrible.

Oh my god. Having read the full thread just now I am agog at her text. As well as being deeply unpleasant she sounds genuinely mad. I cannot fathom how you being attacked ruined her mothers day. I would pursue this with work tomorrow. It has all stemmed from there. Good luck!

She has said previously how awful she thinks MN is

Bet she posted in AIBU once and flounced

'Boss wants me to work the actual hours I'm paid for AIBU to want to fetch coffee and deliver DH wedding ring and call my family and friends and go to appointments instead?

Omg so deluded it's almost unbelievable!

Reporting it is absolutely the best thing op. It doesn't mean you have to sue her but maybe a community officer having a word will be enough to nip it in the bud. After all FTCF's mum has basically damaged your property for no good reason and got irate because you went for a coffee in the same place as her then CFTF herself is texting you and basically threatening you. That's a huge escalation when what I can see your only crimes are, asking personnel to clarify the work flexitime policy and refusing to commit fraud. I'm pretty confident that neither of those things are actually crimes...

Community Officer called to say they'll come round at tea-time so will see if they think it's worth speaking to her.
Boss also got back to me. He'll speak to Personnel tomorrow to get it on record.

Green
I think you might be right!

This bit:
Other, and most important reason, FTCF has text my work phone 10 minutes ago.
"Actions have consequences. I'm so angry right now. My mum was out for a day with her friends and it was ruined because of you. You think you're always right but I wish you'd think about how your actions affect other people. My mother is upset which upsets me and that is having an effect on my DC. How dare you!"

This woman is deluded beyond all belief. Her mother has also very likely lied to her daughter about what ACTUALLY happened, but as others have said, there is an implied threat in her opening comment.
The rest of it though - "I wish you'd think about how your actions affect other people" - she just has no fucking clue, does she. No self-awareness at all. I do know that people like this exist, it just staggers me that they keep on believing their own version of life in the face of all evidence to the contrary.

I agree with almost everyone else - let the Police take this as far as they recommend, because of that implied threat.

I have a friend in a situation that started as a bit of chat in the school yard with another mum - my friend is a bit outspoken and spoke a little harshly about the other mum's oldest son, who is a feckless partner and father, and the other mum had a complete shit-fit about it. But, unlike normal people, she has escalated it to being a full-on war, involving the police, trying to get a restraining order on my friend, getting together with my friend's ex and his current GF to try and create a collaborative smear campaign - it's been 6 months of batshit levels of stupidity and trouble. It's coming to an end now, but only because batshit woman made the mistake of posting a pic on FB of not only my friend but 3 of the school children and another mum, and slating the head teacher, and saying that if she catches my friend so much as looking at her son (the one at school, not the oldest one) she's going to "take her down". Not even an implied threat, a full-on open threat. This is mad levels of escalation, but it shows that it can happen. The police are dealing with this one too.

So yes, let the police come, explain all the backdrop to this story, show them the text from FTCF and hopefully they'll put the wind up her and her mother - if it involves getting a restraining order on them both, then do it! You can't be having with this level of harassment.
Very glad that you told your boss about the text too - it's ridiculous!

So sorry you've had to go through this.

I think you were right to contact the police and your boss- you can see already that they are both trying to flip the narrative to make it your fault.

Are your work aware that she requested you for a reference?
If not, I'd be inclined to let them know. You may not be the only one she tried, and if she's that batshit with you, then someone else may receive the same treatment too.

There’s only so much narrative flipping they’ll be able to do with CCTV

Do you have Trade Union membership as part of your work OP? Worth remembering that you can get free legal advice if so as part of your membership. They will give you good impartial advice though whether your employers will be keen on their involvement not sure.

I am in a union Semolina and is forgotten about the legal advice.
I really am hoping that a visit from the police will put an end to it. I'm pretty sure they will never have had dealings with the police before so fingers crossed a fright will be enough.

I didn't forward her email about the reference to anyone at work Hashi but I still have it.

Definitely keep the email. And let your boss know tomorrow (or whenever you're in next) what happened including the mother. At the very least your boss can warn other people that if she approaches them for references then they're to defer her back to the company.

Bloody hell! I just finished your other thread, complete batshit stuff but this is terrible. FTCF’s text is very menacing and her mother’s behaviour is totally unacceptable. Hope the police them the bollocking of their lives and please do let us see your new bag.

God, when I think about someone doing that to me, I am amazed that you didn’t whack her round the head with your sodden bag. What a nasty thing to do.

I would send on the emails to your boss op so HR can keep a record of the whole situation. I hope the police come soon so you can enjoy your Sunday night

Please don't downplay this with the police. And, also, please make sure you fill your boss and HR in at work tomorrow on everything.

There is a very, very good chance her mother has given her a story that makes this your fault. Just like she's made the reference saga your fault. You need to protect yourself in case this continues to escalate, especially if you live, work and socialise in a proximity that means bumping into them is always possible.

We are conditioned not to make a fuss. To be embarassed that we are causing a scene, but you really, really aren't at fault here, and these two need to be put in their place so you can get on with your life without having to worry about them.

Goodness me, what a turn of events. I'm glad that you and the police are taking it seriously... as other people have said, this could just be the beginning of a whole bunch of batshittery!

I would have attacked her for that! That would have destroyed my handbag, my phone and frightened the life out of my child. I've never hit anyone in my life but I would have grabbed her for that!

You need to call the police as that is criminal damage!!!