To ask why you didn't breastfeed?

[MakingABoobOfIt]

For starters, this is NOT meant to be a goady thread, and I'm a longtime MNer but have name changed to avoid outing myself

I'm a Uni student, and have an essay coming up for which I would like to know reasons Mums decide not to breastfeed. Research shows that the majority of mums want to breastfeed but either start and stop pretty quickly, or don't start at all. So if this was the case for you, I would be so grateful if you'd be happy to tell me about what influenced your decision (friends, media, etc) and what might have caused you to decide to breastfeed (more support, less stigma, etc)?

Thank you in advance wise ones.

Sensory issues. Anyone coming anyway are near my boobs makes me feel horrible and genuinely angry. I didn’t want to be angry with my baby!

MakingABoobOfIt Fri 08-Dec-17 20:53:31
"Two issues are jumping out at me (aside from the shameful lack of support in general) - one is the amount of sexual abuse experiences, which is so so sad. The other is the amount of women expressing dislike of being touched/general disgust at the thought of breastfeeding, which is definitely not discussed much in research."

Given how many posters on this thread have cited medical issues, I'd be a bit wary of the issues "jumping out" at you being the ones you expected to write about in the first place: lack of support and (culture-specific) body perception. Good research, as often as not, is where you see something you didn't expect. (speaking here with my lecturer hat on)

It does seem as if that happened for you with the sexual abuse, which is good.

But don't miss the number of mothers who were either seriously ill or simply too exhausted (from a hard delivery or hyperemesis) to do anything, or the babies with physical conditions. It needs to be recognised that even with support, coaxing a weak baby to suckle is exhausting, particularly if the mother is also weakened due to illness or a hard delivery or simply the exhaustion of caring for a sickly baby. Expressing can be a solution, but that is often even more exhausting.

I didn’t decided not to BF, DS did. I was well up for it. He starved himself for a week - he actively pushed himself away from me and clamped his mouth shut. I expressed and cup fed him for a few days, but he still managed to loose 26% of his birth weight in 7 days. Paed was taking him to SCBU, but suggested that it might be an idea to try a bottle. MW took DS off, little blighter guzzled it down without a care in the world. We stayed in hospital for another day, and were allowed home once they were happy feeding was going well.

After producing more milk than a dairy cow for 3 days - it dried up. Happy I got the colostrum into my baby - now a strapping 16 year old.

I decided from the outset that I would mixed feed my twins. Mixed feeding had been promoted at a few of the multiple specific classes that I had been too and it seemed like a much more achievable goal than exclusive breastfeeding.

I had problems from the start as neither could latch (premature) and I was producing pitiful amounts of expressed milk. Both were low birth weight and had mild jaundice, so I was happy with the suggestion to formula feed. They eventually latched after three days, but their latch was very poor. All anyone could ever suggest was to change position, but I had limited options with tandem feeding. They were glued to me all day, so I did formula top ups at night as it was the only way they were full enough to be put down in a cot.

Beyond the first few weeks there were various reasons why I dropped feeds - wanting a break, wanting to feed them safely (tandem feeding two wriggly babies always felt risky, especially when I was regularly falling asleep), being fed up of everyone seeing my boobs, wanting to sleep rather than wasting time expressing stupidly small amounts, my babies refusing feeds.

I didn’t produce enough breastmilk, I was producing milk, but not enough, at the end of 2015 I had a complete duct removal in my right breast and in 2016 I had the same in my left breast due to breast abnormalities.

I disagree that finding this disgusting in the first place would be culture-specific. In fact Queen Victoria hated every moment that she breastfed all her children. And she loved sex in genera, so it wasn't because of certain hang-ups.
Back in those days there wasn't an alternative either apart from a wetnurse. In fact back then I would say it was more the most natural thing in the world than it is now, as we are living in a world that's too fast-moving to have a baby attached to you for hours a day and back then people were much closer to nature than now.

If back then there were women who found it icky then I'm sure those of us here who do too are pretty normal in that way. Surely not everyone likes sex either, although it is the most natural thing in the world as well. Yes, these people are a minority, but they're there nonetheless.
I find it quite disconcerting that as a pregnant woman you're practically expected to look forward to that suckling on your breast. No-one even asks you what you want to do. Luckily I was never really judged, but I still didn't want to tell my midwife I just didn't like the thought of it, though if a second baby comes along which she successfully delivers this time, she will definitely know after the first feed if I don't like it. That's the price she'll pay for gaining my trust.

A teaspoon of milk despite pumping for 2 hours while premature DD was in scbu did for me.
Also, to.me it felt the opposite of natural. It felt almost wrong. Perverted. I know that sounds fucking weird, you don't need to tell me, but I can bet you anything that feeling is more common than you might think.

@MakingABoobOfIt- I'm really not sure maybe in the past these babies were passed off as fussy or going back further in time failed to thrive.
I'm very glad that there are specialist formulas out there as I didn't feel able to give up soya and dairy but having gone through three different formulas for both children all loathed with varying degrees with them both ending up on Neocate my plans for an easy life on the go with formula never came into fruition!
You have my sympathies babies with CMPA are hard work!

Tried everything, I was desperate to BF. I had emergency CS, and was out of it due to some complications, so first feed was bottle. The next feed should have been during the night, I remember setting my alarm because the only thing I could remember was that babies had to feed every 3 hrs. I called for some help from the nursing staff, nobody would help me, and I tried doing it on my own, which didn't work and the next day, the pain from cracked nipples was worse than my CS. It went downhill from there. I kept trying for 3 weeks, and then gave up. I think if I had received some help for the first feed it would have helped enormously.

Both where born via sections and it took a while for my milk to come in and both had bad tongue ties. I tried but had zero support and wasn't prepared for how sore it would be, my first had blood in his urine which I now know is normal but this scared me which made me stop. My second couldn't move her tongue at all so was losing so much weight and I wanted to get home to my oldest who has autism so I switched to bottle feeding.

I wish there was a lot more support and honest experiences out there as no one warned me how sore it would be and the bleeding etc

Tried everything it didn’t work, wasnot my choice to stop.. got endkesss grief from bf ended up I major mental damage for me.. my babies still alive and well

@kikibo I believe Queen Victoria used wet nurses as she thought breastfeeding was disgusting and 'turned ladies into cows'

Of course Queen Victoria must have used wetnurses. She couldn't have done her job and breastfed all her children at the same time. But she did do some of it. My point was that even in a day and age where it was the norm and people were far closer to nature than we are, there were still people who were repulsed by it.

I just didn't fancy it 🤷🏼‍♀️

DS2 - I did 2 months - pushed through dreadful mastitis etc, finally got the hang of it and had to stop as breast milk gave baby reflux and made him horribly unsettled. Formula made him a different baby. DS1 I had planned to but didn't even try due to traumatic birth and prolonged hospital stay.

I BF because it's a piece of piss (for us anyway).

DS slept through 11pm to 8am from birth. No latch issue. Went on straight away, even after him being removed from me for me to be stitched up in theatre for a third degree tear.

I was going to give him a 'novelty' first feed originally, and wanted to fuck it all off after that. I was genuinely led to believe that it would be difficult and I would need 'support' blah blah blah.

I wouldn't be doing it if he didn't sleep through to be honest

First-undiagnosed tongue tie which made it unbearably painful, second (I was so determined to do it second time round) I had bad eczema on my nipples (pregnancy related) and after one very painful feed, my nipples literally looked like they were hanging off. Third, again incredibly painful although she fed successfully for 24 hours, I was literally writhing in agony. Breastfeeding just was not for me!

Dc1 I breastfed.
Dc2 I did not.
Why I didn't... because I didn't want to. Dc1 was a boob monster who even 3+ years after stopping views my body as very much his. He needs to be physically touching me in order to be at peace and calm.
I suffered terribly with mastitis several times- twice so badly that I got flu-like symptoms and actually thought I had flu as well as mastitis. First time, Dr called about something else and I explained symptoms and she came to see me- she even went and picked up my antibiotics bless her.
Tbh, knowing I'd never get a break if I bf dc2 meant a lot too.

As it turned out, I was put on medication immediately following the birth and was not allowed due to meds anyway. But I didn't want to. Nothing could have changed my mind.