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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why you didn't breastfeed?

369 replies

MakingABoobOfIt · 08/12/2017 19:25

For starters, this is NOT meant to be a goady thread, and I'm a longtime MNer but have name changed to avoid outing myself Grin

I'm a Uni student, and have an essay coming up for which I would like to know reasons Mums decide not to breastfeed. Research shows that the majority of mums want to breastfeed but either start and stop pretty quickly, or don't start at all. So if this was the case for you, I would be so grateful if you'd be happy to tell me about what influenced your decision (friends, media, etc) and what might have caused you to decide to breastfeed (more support, less stigma, etc)?

Thank you in advance wise ones.

OP posts:
whiteonesugar · 09/12/2017 11:07

Didn't want to. Simple as that. Didn't like the idea of it and never had the urge to.

stevie69 · 09/12/2017 11:08

Because I didn't have any children ............Grin

Davros · 09/12/2017 11:20

Because I take medication and was advised not to

ethelfleda · 09/12/2017 11:39

I agree with a PP that this is irrelevant without knowing how long ago this happened for each woman. I had my son 5 weeks ago and we struggled with BF for the first week or so... but had so much support from the NHS that we got the hang of it and DS is thriving on it!
Also - I didn't leak during pregnancy either but still didn't have a problem with supply. I'd noticed this had been said a few times.

Hatstand · 09/12/2017 11:44

It's really refreshing to read this thread without the usual nasty comments about ff. I'm still bf but was exclusively ff from birth and the thought of anyone trying to make DM feel bad about it makes me rage.

I realise this isnt what you've asked for but things that have nearly made me stop:

  • conflicting and inaccurate advice from midwives
  • family members' comments, 'surely she can't be hungry again' etc
  • nursing aversion, intrusive thoughts while feeding. Swapped some feeds for expressed bottles for a couple of days and felt fine again.

Other than that it's been easy, I'm aware how lucky I am.

wildbluebelles · 09/12/2017 12:00

If this is for an essay, random opinions from a forum do not provide any evidence or reliable insight either way. I suggest that you look for proper peer reviewed studies on breast feeding, of which there are many. For all you know, half the replies could be from men. If I was your uni tutor and you used a mumsnet thread as one of your references, I would be quite unimpressed.

DenPerry · 09/12/2017 12:07

Painful, didn't like popping my massive floppy boob out all the time, time consuming, and hardly anything was coming out anyway.

Member984815 · 09/12/2017 12:11

It wasn't even suggested to me with first. With second wasn't even suggested , third was too busy with too older children. I watched another poor woman try to feed her baby with no support from staff and was being told you have to give a bottle rather than suggesting ways to help, she was told she was neglecting baby by continuing to try breast feeding.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 09/12/2017 12:34

If this is for an essay, random opinions from a forum do not provide any evidence or reliable insight either way

My posts were not "random opinions". They were a factual statement of my experience of breast feeding.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 09/12/2017 12:40

My son was born in 1990. The midwives and health visitor promoted breast feeding. I felt there was definite disapproval of ff.

When I decided I had had enough of bf my health visitor refused to give any information or guidance about to introduce ff , move to ff or even how to stop lactation.. The internet didn't exist in 1990. Fortunately my son took to ff with no problems (he was probably happy not to be constantly hungry)

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 09/12/2017 12:41

A history of sexual abuse renders my breasts untouchable OP. I relate them to sex and not in a good way.

MalcolmFucker · 09/12/2017 13:09

I was sexually abused and the thought of feeding in front of midwives or them touching me made me feel very uncomfortable. That was 10 years ago now and if I had another I think I would try and give breastfeeding a go, but wouldn’t beat myself up about it if it didn’t work out.

MalcolmFucker · 09/12/2017 13:12

Oh and in the past ten years I have been questioned by various friends about why I ‘didn’t give it a go’ which has been quite difficult. I don’t want to tell them the real reason obviously, so I just say ‘it wasn’t for me’ which gets very judgy looks

N3rdyMumma · 09/12/2017 13:25

My DS was born very premature at 32 weeks, and so was faaaaaar too small to latch on properly. I expressed for 6 weeks before the stress of being in hospital, and the worry for his health made me swap to formula, simply so I could try and get some much needed rest during the night rather than having to get up every 2-3h to express.

Currently 37w pregnant with no2, and am definitely planning on giving it a good try this time, though I did enjoy bottle feeding as I could hand DS over to DH/MiL for a feed or 2, and relax :)

Gottagetmoving · 09/12/2017 13:31

I wanted to breastfeed my first baby but she was in special care for a week due to a difficult birth and breathing difficulties. The midwife just handed me a breast pump, without any help or instruction and told me to express milk for her. I was depressed and anxious (later developed into severe PND) and just seeing my nipple being sucked into the pump made me feel sick...and I just couldn't do it, so I gave up.
I really regret that, and am angry I didn't get the support I needed.
I breastfed my second baby with no problems at all until he was three months old and he started to have problems with feeding.

Silversun83 · 09/12/2017 13:33

DD was born by EMCS after exhausting three-day labour...
I breastfed solely and successfully for about 36 hours but then my colostrum dried up and DD was screaming with hunger so gave her a small amount of formula which settled her instantly. Kept putting DD to breast but it still took a week for my milk to come in.. Mixed-fed for about six weeks (including expressing).. Would put DD to breast first and then topped up with formula, but the 'topping up' consisted of DD drinking almost a whole bottle.. So I never regained my confidence that DD was getting much from me. Breastfeeding, bottle-feeding plus expressing plus recovering from the labour and EMCS all took its toll and I finally stopped the breastfeeding and expressing. I did have huge regrets for ages (and guilt) that it hasn't worked out and even considered trying to relactate at one point.

Now 26 weeks with DS and I will try again though bit worried about how it will be with a 22-month old at the same time! I feel a bit more prepared and going to try a few different things (colostrum expressing pre-birth, fenugreek tablets, literally putting baby to breast at every opportunity! - I think this might have been a factor too as DD was very sleepy after such a traumatic entry plus she was on the UV bed for 16 hours on day 2 due to jaundice). Plus hopefully as my body won't have had the trauma of such a long labour and EMCS, it won't put milk production on the back burner!

1997r2017 · 09/12/2017 14:44

Shit family support, being told by HV to supplement with formula ON DAY 2 when I had lots of milk coming in(she had tongue tie I should’ve just used a nipple sheild until it was cut) when it was cut milk supply was too low, I got it to increase then I fell ill and was in bed all day so milk supply dropped more. Currently mixed feeding my 6 week old.

Paddingtonthebear · 09/12/2017 14:59

Intended to try to breastfeed. Had v difficult delivery, spent 5 hours away from DD after she was born, attempted to breastfeed all night on the post natal ward, didn’t really get anywhere. Discharged the next day despite not being in any fit state (wheeled out of maternity unit in wheelchair), came home and tried to BF for the rest of the day. DD reached 24 hours old and hadn’t had any feed of any sort. Husband went out at 10pm and bought stuff to make formula and we were massively relieved that she was feeding. I took weeks to recover from giving birth so formula did make life easier as DH was able to do the majority of it. It wasn’t the plan but it’s how things turned out. I wonder if the delivery had been easier she would have breastfed easier. Was told several of the things that happened to me during giving birth can affect breastfeeding. Who knows. She’s 5 now. Bright, happy, super healthy - has never had more than a cold. Slept through the night from 2 months old aswell. Just a happy, easy child.

I don’t regret it. I tried and that’s good enough for me.

TabbyMumz · 09/12/2017 16:02

Made a conscious decision not to. Just didn't want to and wanted my husband to also get up and do night feeds etc. Have the healthiest kids ever. I know lots of mums who breastfed and their kids were always sick with something or other. My Mum bottle fed me and my siblings and we are all healthy. Breast feeding is very over rated.

BarrowInFurnessBusDepot · 09/12/2017 16:47

I had to do the school run and couldn’t figure out how to bf ds2 whilst doing it.

I have big boobs and was too embarrassed to do it outside the house.

I feared other peoples reaction and if I would get shouted at or jeered at.

I did it inside the house for the first couple of weeks, but just gave up after that.

shouldaknownbetter · 09/12/2017 16:50

First baby = was born with a low blood sugar after a c section so needed feeding before my milk came in and it was downhill from there. I did try but once he'd got used to a bottle it was difficult to get my milk to flow and for him to latch.

Second baby = I had bigger fish to fry, basically, as I'd gone blind in one eye during my pregnancy and needed to be able to access treatment for that which may have involved an operation and lying still on my front for four weeks, and we'd have had to employ round the clock child care. As it was I didn't need the op but when she was born there was a good chance I might have, plus I needed to go to the hospital a few times so easier to leave her with my mum and a bottle.

Hushabyelullaby · 09/12/2017 17:06

I BF for 5 weeks in tandem with FF, as I didn't produce enough milk - despite meds to try and increase production. After 5 weeks I started chemotherapy so couldn't carry on as it made the milk toxic. In hindsight it was handy that I'd tandem fed my little girl as it made the transition to FF full time easy.

I didn't have feelings about which way to feed before I had DD, but after I had tried BF, I sobbed when I had to stop as I felt like I was letting her down. This is the way I felt about ME breastfeeding, NOT my opinion on other people and how they feed.

wildbluebelles · 09/12/2017 17:11

My posts were not "random opinions". They were a factual statement of my experience of breast feeding.

Lass I am talking about the fact that the OP saying she is going to use these for a university essay.

allegretto · 09/12/2017 17:17

I wanted to but never managed to get any of mine to latch on. I wasn't given any help except the number of a breastfeeding clinic that was open one evening a week, on the other side of town. I was on my own a lot of the time after a c-section and so couldn't drive. I really didn't feel well enough to take two premature babies out in the snow on the bus in the evening!

thegrinchreaper · 09/12/2017 17:19

Yabu

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