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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why you didn't breastfeed?

369 replies

MakingABoobOfIt · 08/12/2017 19:25

For starters, this is NOT meant to be a goady thread, and I'm a longtime MNer but have name changed to avoid outing myself Grin

I'm a Uni student, and have an essay coming up for which I would like to know reasons Mums decide not to breastfeed. Research shows that the majority of mums want to breastfeed but either start and stop pretty quickly, or don't start at all. So if this was the case for you, I would be so grateful if you'd be happy to tell me about what influenced your decision (friends, media, etc) and what might have caused you to decide to breastfeed (more support, less stigma, etc)?

Thank you in advance wise ones.

OP posts:
SandyBeachandtheDeckchairs · 09/12/2017 08:17

I really wanted to, and just assumed I would be able to do it. When DD was born 4 weeks early and with jaundice, she was sleepy and would not suckle. MW insisted she was cup fed formula to flush out the jaundice. We then cup fed EBM until the jaundice was over, but it became so time-consuming and wasteful that we started using a bottle. As soon as DD got the bottle she never wanted to latch on, so I just had to let it go. I stopped trying when she was 4 months old and just fed her EBM and formal from a bottle . It was a terrible time in my life, because I felt that I was failing her, and was being judged as a bad mother. She's 10 now, perfect weight, height, teeth, no allergies and the picture of health, so I am over it now, but it really broke my heart at the time.

Only1scoop · 09/12/2017 08:24

Had no desire to whatsoever and didn't.

acornsandnuts · 09/12/2017 08:26

I had septicemia and was in intensive care.

JennyLane · 09/12/2017 08:27

1st kid wouldn't latch. I pumped but he projectile vomited a good portion of every feed. Undiagnosed milk intolerance. Nearly lost the plot with pumping around the clock and then watching it come back up. Plus the sterilising, carpet cleaning... was fine when he went on prescription milk when we finally got a diagnosis.
2nd fed no problem. Only stopped because she bit me when my milk dried up because I was pregnant.
3rd was going well but then she started to be unsatisfied. Probably because I could never just stop everything and feed her instantly with two other toddlers/preschoolers. Kept having to stop mid feed to deal with the other two . It's been much easier since she went on a bottle and she's more satisfied

MissMoneyPennies · 09/12/2017 08:44

With my first I only managed 3 days. It was a fight getting him to latch on and my nipples were cracked and bleeding. A breast feeding midwife came round and brought a pump, I was pumping out little amounts of pink stained milk it was horrible and stressful. We gave him a bottle of formula and he settled and we all relaxed. I regret not trying harder but at the same time we had a happy time feeding him together and his babyhood was very happy.
I breastfed my second baby for 3 months. He latched on better I had more support and better nipple care. It still wasn’t great though, I didn’t seem to produce much milk, he was always feeding, I was anxious and not keen to do it in public. Again I was happier with bottles. I do feel selfish admitting it but that’s how it was. They both slept great on bottles and had nice routines and they show no signs of any disadvantage now. Some people aren’t good at it. I had emergency csections with both of them too.

PhyllisWig · 09/12/2017 08:48

Same as claretsheep. Boobs didn't grow in pregnancy, I didn't leak. Literally 2 drops of colostrum even after ages in the hospital strength breast pump.

Plus multiple birth and no breastfeeding support.

Christmascheerful · 09/12/2017 08:56

I expressed colostrum to a syrynge whilst dc was in NICU and I was awaiting surgery post Birth- dh was running between us both dispensing said syrynge and then coming back for more

Following surgery i developed sepsis and was far too poorly to BF- was too poorly to lift my head off the bed in intensive care

maddiemookins16mum · 09/12/2017 09:00

I really couldn't be bothered. I also didn't want to be solely responsible for feeding my baby and ff meant my dp could feed her too. Actually I slightly lie, I did try (not very hard mind you) for the first 2 weeks but I relaxed so much more knowing I could use a bottle.

Myheartbelongsto · 09/12/2017 09:02

I couldn't bear the thought of anything sucking on my nipple.

JustDanceAddict · 09/12/2017 09:05

Only bf’d my first child.
Wanted to bf my second but he just wouldn’t latch on - I expressed for a week and then switched to bottles as the amount I got out was negligible and he wasn’t gaining weight. No regrets really - I think bf’ing would never have worked with him and he’s now a strapping teen!!

Hanuman · 09/12/2017 09:12

My baby has a cleft palate and cannot suck. I expressed exclusively for 6 months and then just felt that on balance it wasn't worth continuing so mixed fed for a further 3 months as my supply took a long time to wind down before switching completely to formula at 9 months

DollyLlama · 09/12/2017 09:20

DD stopped growing so was induced. She wasn’t premature or in need of SCBU but was small enough that my main concern was for her to gain weight. When she didn’t take to BF easily, I moved to formula with no hesitation and she thrived.

DS born healthy weight, decided that formula worked so well for us that I was happy to stick with it. Plus I’m on blood thinners and if I was BF I’d have to take warfarin which is weekly blood tests and I just don’t have the time to do that with a toddler and a newborn.

No regrets, two happy and healthy children Smile

Iliketeaagain · 09/12/2017 09:33

Incredibly traumatic birth with DC1 - didn't want baby near me never mind attached to my breasts, bottle fed and managed to bond eventually.
DC2 - didn't want to end up stuck in hospital because of feeding problems, so bottle fed from the start (ptsd from previous birth, major anxiety about hospital stay, probably influenced by dc1 turning out just fine with formula).

Agree with pp about being judged about bottle feeding - not by HCPs at all who supported my decision (or at least hid their judgement), but by other mums at baby groups who really should know that it's all together better for parents to support each other rather than judging how you choose to make sure your baby is well looked after.

Mammylamb · 09/12/2017 09:51

The pain. The lack of help at the hospital. Lack of privacy in the hospital The midwives constantly opening curtains and leaving them open

buggerthebotox · 09/12/2017 09:56

Dd was 11 weeks premature and I didn't get any milk.

I was told Guinness and Mars Bars may help. They didn't. But it was fun tryingGrin.

RocketPockets · 09/12/2017 10:02

I found it incredibly painful and on day 5 I think I was constantly crying while he was trying to latch on and I just thought this pain was going to last forever. I spoke to my local breastfeeding team and they said my midwife could offer advice. Spoke to the midwife team and they didn’t have the breastfeeding support lady available. I tried pumping, my pump broke. I was all but told to stop by the only person I actually managed to speak to. I stopped before the first week was up and was absolutely devastated and it massively affected the first few months and how I felt about myself considering how my DS labour and birth went.
Now I know that pain would have got better and I know he wasn’t latching on properly. I did not have the support from the services that should have supported me and I now feel massively let down by them.

OccasionalLecturer · 09/12/2017 10:06

MakingABoobOfIt Do you have ethical approval from your university for this research? My university would have a bit of shit-fit if a student submitted an essay based on asking women these kinds of questions without first going through the ethics procedure and I'm not seeing a standard ethics process in your announcement. Maybe have a word with your supervisor or lecturer?

manandbeast · 09/12/2017 10:23

Thankyou for this thread, I read the whole thing at 3am while feeding my 6 week old!

With my first son I just assumed I would breast feed and it would be fine. After an EMCS (no idea if this relevant) I began BF in hospital, midwives helped w latch, we weren't allowed to leave until successfully BF. At home things went horribly wrong. I have never experienced such agony! I ended up w deep holes in my nipples. I couldn't stand the pain and gave up with one side after a few weeks. I successfully fed with the other side for about 3 months and then FF after that.

This time, after 3 days I had bleeding & scabbed nipples and was in agony. I knew I wanted to BF and knew I wouldn't solve this alone so got a lactation consultant to come and help. I pumped for 2 days to let my nipples heal and then tried again. 6 weeks in and no injuries but each latch still hurts... I'm thinking of giving up as with c section recovery, and sore nipples and bad back it's just too much discomfort- I'd rather not be in pain any more.

fantasmasgoria1 · 09/12/2017 10:30

I just didn’t want to. The thought of it actually made me nauseous. Both dc bottle fed and all was well.

trinesrad · 09/12/2017 10:33

With first he wouldn't latch on very well, eventually got it sorted then horrendous infection from retained placenta so multitude of antibiotics forced it to stop. With second heard about silicone nipple shields which the midwives were very anti about, though made latching on a dream and stopped nipple soreness. However retained placenta again, this time worse with antibiotics, surgery etc so had to stop again.

RainyDayBear · 09/12/2017 10:34

I had a very long and painful labour (5 days) that ended in an emergency caesarean, and I was exhausted. I then had a sleepy baby who wouldn’t latch despite most of the midwives and maternity assistants trying to get her to. By the end of her second day I was utterly exhausted and had a blood blister on one nipple. DD still had no interest in feeding really, she managed to latch on once and feed - and the after pains were excruciating.

Ultimately I was desperate to go home, at the end of my tether, and feeding needed to be established. So we broke out the formula, and we went home.

I still have the odd twinge of wishing I’d done better, but I recognise that I was physically and mentally drained, and that DD is absolutely thriving now. I’m pregnant again and will be giving BF a go, booked in for an elective caesarean and hoping that I will be in a better frame of mind having not been awake for the better part of five days beforehand!

BillyAndTheSillies · 09/12/2017 10:41

Extreme tongue tie and my milk just never arrived. I tried, desperately! I had nothing ready for bottle feeding but after 24 hours of not a drop of colostrum I reached for formula and DS finally got a feed.

Kept waiting for my milk to come in and not even a hint of it arriving. A few months later I was diagnosed with periductal mastitis. Huge blockages in my ducts that basically stopped anything getting through.

Trying for DC2 at the moment and not sure if I'll put myself through the disappointment again to be honest.

Izzy24 · 09/12/2017 10:44

I think this is an interesting and useful thread for people to read/post on.

I can’t see how it is appropriate for a ‘uni essay ‘ for previously mentioned reasons.

RedRobin87 · 09/12/2017 11:03

Traumatic birth. She refused to latch on at all, despite help from midwifes and lactation specialists. In the end I expressed for two weeks but got mastitis twice and nearly ended up in hospital due to the severity so decided enough was enough and switched to formula.

flingingmelon · 09/12/2017 11:06

We tried but after four days of being bullied in the hospital we gave DS a bit of formula and escaped.

I hired a bf consultant and we had suspected tongue tie dealt with but it just never happened for us.

I exclusively pumped for ten weeks and then we were diagnosed with a dairy allergy and put on Nutramigen. DS was happy, I was finally getting some sleep, I got over the guilt and we started to bond.

It all seems like a bad dream now, four years on.

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