To ask why you didn't breastfeed?

[MakingABoobOfIt]

For starters, this is NOT meant to be a goady thread, and I'm a longtime MNer but have name changed to avoid outing myself

I'm a Uni student, and have an essay coming up for which I would like to know reasons Mums decide not to breastfeed. Research shows that the majority of mums want to breastfeed but either start and stop pretty quickly, or don't start at all. So if this was the case for you, I would be so grateful if you'd be happy to tell me about what influenced your decision (friends, media, etc) and what might have caused you to decide to breastfeed (more support, less stigma, etc)?

Thank you in advance wise ones.

speakout isn’t this meant to be a thread where women can post why they didn’t without being questioned further

It’s tiring having to explain and then often being told you are in the wrong in some way or being questioned

Premmie baby who was tiny and weak and didn't have the strength to latch for ages and then never got the hang of it. For all the posters up in nicu about the benefits of breast feeding, there was very little support to actually do it and some undermining, eg the overnight nurse trying her with a bottle when I'd been very clear I wanted to breastfeed, pressure to get her feeding by breast or bottle as a requirement for discharge (bottle is easier for most babies and we were desperate to get her out after she picked up her second hospital acquired infection).

I did express though - exclusively for 5 months then she was mix fed formula and expressed milk for another 3.

I simply didn’t want to. I didn’t want the pressure I’ve see many women put themselves under, I didn’t want to spend hours with a baby attached to me cluster feeding.I didn’t want to struggle with mastitis, sore nipples etc...I wanted to share the feeds with OH. DD1 is 11 and DD2 is 6 month. Both are healthy and happy. People who BF say it’s too much faff to make bottles, it genuinely takes 10 minutes of my day and bottles are done! For me it was the right choice.

It’s sad how many people here feel the need the justify their position.

I mix fed, but mainly breast, up to 3 months.

I had a crap delivery, complications, was in hospital a week, consultant told me BF was affecting my healing, the midwives and MCAs were great at helping, my dad hated it, it was really convenient, I loved the closeness. Like most people there was a jumble of stuff going on.

And to be honest I think it does just hurt.

For some people that’s a reason not to and frankly, fair play.

If we could all do it straight off there wouldn’t have been wet nurses and a higher mortality rate in the past.

We just need to give ourselves a break.

I had an awful HG pregnancy, and then the midwives missed how much blood I lost at birth- they only realised I was severely anaemic when I collapsed in NICU. They said they’d recommend a transfusion if I didn’t feel capable of walking out of the room I was assessed in. I just wanted to get back to DS, so forced myself out of the chair.

In hindsight, I should’ve taken the transfusion to help my supply.

There were other things too- DS supplemented with formula from a few hours old because they were worried about his blood sugar. DS taken away on the first night and I had to hand express with no help. Nurses in SCBU all giving conflicting advice (express, don’t express, use a nipple shield, don’t use a nipple shield)... I was actually fearing every feed, totally exhausted, and I think I would’ve ended up with PND if I’d carried on. The relief when I stopped was incredible.

Just really didn't fancy it. I liked the ease of use of the bottles so others could feed too. Plus went back to work part time at 6 weeks so wouldn't have been possible anyway.

I wanted to breastfeed ( this is 11 years ago by the way ) . Was super keen, went to classes .
Tried it
Kept being a disaster , Ds struggled to latch on
I felt like a failure .. both self and baby stressed out ( him hungry , me exhausted )
Went home for 2 months as ex dh decided having a new baby was a good excuse to work late , socialise and maximise his sleep by moving into spare bedroom !
Dm gently , diplomatically suggested giving him the bottle formula might not make me the worlds worst mum
Followed dms advice reservedly out of desperation .
..
Ds drank for England, we both got lots of sleep . Family could help me ( dm did some of nightfeeds bless her , very above average my mum )

Got my self confidence back and focused on bonding with baby .

Am all for breastfeeding ,see it as natural and want woman to feel comfortable doing this anywhere and everywhere . Welcome it in my business amongst clients . Just didn't work for us and don't accept blaming of women who couldn't or choose not to .

It's not the be all and end all i think and it needs to be what works for the parent and baby .
Same as I am all for carrying baby's in slings but when I tried carrying my little meat packer thus my back nearly broke . !!

My lovely French friend who is a super mum didn't because she didn't want to.. she informed me it isn't expected in France ( please forgive me if I am wrong ) . Her kids are awesome .

First time I was very keen to bf but assumed it would happen naturally so was unprepared for the reality. Ds bit through my nipples after the first day, left me bleeding and he vomiting blood. Tried to pump, just pumped blood so stopped and gave bottle.
Second time with dd had loads of support, was very prepared, watched videos, read books, got lactation consultant and family all on board. Excruciating pain and bleeding again and Dd lost so much weight after two weeks of trying I was told to bottle feed. Again tried pumping but produced virtually nothing.
Sadly both experiences badly affected my early days with dc’s.

Three day induction, leading to epidural and forceps delivery. DD was 16 days late, and 10lbs, and the combo of the length of labour, her size and the delivery meant a haemorrhage in which I lost 3.5 litres of blood. As soon as she was out, I was rushed to theatre for transfusion and treatment (most undignified treatment, I might add ). Finally held her 6 hours later, by which time she'd had a bottle and my tits had dried up.
No support in hospital (10days) beyond a fucking bitch of a midwife who literally, I shit you not, GRABBED my tit as I was trying to express (crying), and twisted, then said 'your breasts are sub-par, I'm afraid'. The lovely consultant pointed out that my system was trying to replenish blood, not make breast milk, but I felt horrendous guilt, and persisted, to no avail, until DD was four months. Every fucking feed, I tried, and she screamed, until I gave her a bottle. I ate fucking lactation cookies, that weird maple syrup smelling herbal shit, porridge until I wanted to vomit, nothing made me lactate. When I tried to express, I would get 5-7ml total from both tits. After an hour of pumping. Funnily enough, my 99th centile child wasn't satisfied.

It is no exaggeration to say that the immense pressure to breastfeed, and the failure I felt at not being able to, massively contributed to my crippling PND and suicidal thoughts.

And yes, in case you can't tell, I still get furious at the whole 'breast is best' SHIT that women are fed. Fuck off with the fucking guilt.

Many reasons.

I hate having my nipples touched and the thought of them being sucked, cracked and bleeding is something I'd never get used to.
From a vanity point I also didn't want saggy breasts.

I did contemplate it and read so many theories and in the end found nothing to convince me that formula is bad.

The convenience of bottle feeding really appealed too.

Finally the worried first time parent in me also found it very comforting to know she was drinking plenty and having the correct amount for her to grow, from day 1 they both gained weight at a good rate and were content babies.

Low milk supply (please please no one say this isn't a real thing, because it is) and DC not gaining weight.

Incredibly painful. Very inconvenient. Tortured myself about it, then read the actual studies, and found that the benefits are really tiny and heavily heavily exaggerated in the popular press/ mythology (ie sibling studies where one child from same family is bf and one is ff show almost identical outcomes for both)

Started mix feeding then formula feeding and loved it. So convenient, DH able to share feeding and really bonded with DC. About to have DC3 and will do mixed feeding from the start if I can.

Baby struggled to latch, and kept falling asleep before she had drunk enough. I'd wake her and she would suck for a minute then fall asleep again. Got to 2 weeks and shr still hadn't regained birth weight. Sore Nipples, poor milk supply, mum and baby exhausted. Switched to bottles on advice from health visitor and baby moved from 0.3 centile tp 90% centile in a few weeks.

"From a vanity point I also didn't want saggy breasts."

You don't get saggy breasts from breastfeeding. That happens because of pregnancy itself, if you're prone to it.

“The other is the amount of women expressing dislike of being touched/general disgust at the thought of breastfeeding, which is definitely not discussed much in research“

It’s not general to women everywhere.

There is something about our culture which makes more women in the U.K. feel weird about using breastfeeding.

It’s fucking sad. If there was any other normal physiological function which so many people were unable to do because of a general cultural fucked-upness about the particular body part involved we’d think that we should be offering counselling on the NHS and demanding change.

If someone said they couldn’t conceive because they hated sex and disliked their partner touching their vagina we’d think they were worthy of help, not just assume IVF was a reasonable alternative. I can’t understand why we don’t feel the same way about breastfeeding.

I had carpal tunnel in both hands and had to wear splints. If I took the splints off I went numb from finger tip to elbow, so a good chance I'd drop ds, I couldn't get him in a good position with the splints on. In all honesty though I was secretly relieved because, although I was more than willing to try, I was a victim of SA and I was not loving the thought of my nipples being sucked on. Thankfully I had an amazing midwife and health visitor who totally supported me and showed no judgement whatsoever and my dp was happy as long as ds was fed.

DS 1 I tried but he wouldn't latch for more than 5 seconds at a time, I asked for help from the midwives during the first night as I had loads of stitches and just couldn't manvouvre myself properly. I was told they were really busy and that I just had to try, so I did and failed and my baby fell asleep so I put him back in his crib. Went on like that until lunch time the next day. A kind midwife came and helped me express and syringe, which worked for a little bit but then he still wouldn't latch so she suggested formula and a cup which she gave him.

Once home I just couldn't get him to latch, I was so worried he'd starve or dehydrate that I gave in and bottle fed him feeling like an utter failure. The midwives showed little/no interest in me or my baby when they visited, especially the one who showed up at 8am and complained because I didn't open the door straight away (pain from stitches and lots of stairs). They didn't listen when I said I felt weird, off it and in pain. I was admitted to hospital with sepsis 6 days post partum which could have been caused by either the undiagnosed kidney infection or mastitis.

Baby 2 I tried in hospital and he was ok for the first time, but then he couldn't latch again. During the night one of the midwives said I'd need to start thinking about formula soon because he wasn't getting what he needed. So DH brought some bottles in and premade formula and we fed him so we could go home. We bought a tommee tippee machine on the way home and didn't look back. I didn't feel the guilt that I felt with DS1, but that's been true for every situation so far.

I had no idea that I'd have issues with breastfeeding and the support only seemed to be there for the mums who were able to breastfeed without issues, they seemed to have a fan club of midwives.

Dc1 just didn't thrive on it. Got through the sore nipples etc and Persisted for about 6w but he was still like a nb. Fed pretty well from one boob , not great on the other. Had to top him up etc. was constantly under him trying to feed him. Gave up on it as a bad job.

Dc2 would not latch. She was a tad early (2w) quite jaundiced too, v sleepy. We were in hospital 7 days. I ended up pumping every 2 fecking hours and it was hell. She just would not take the boob. I only gave it about 10 days on her as I didn't want the early days ruined like they were on dc1 being all about the feeding as anyway, it was not working at all.

Both were sections. Was mid 30s.

With DS he couldn’t suck properly when he was born so we had to syringe and cup feed him, he wouldn’t latch at all he’d just stare at me with my boob in his mouth like wtf is this. Eventually got him to take a bottle and I expressed for weeks but I couldn’t get my supply to increase as he got older and wanted more milk and combi feeding made his reflux worse.

With DD she had tongue tie and when she was 6 days she didn’t have a wet nappy all day and was screaming so obviously wasn’t getting anything so I had to pump and bottle feed her. It took weeks to get her tongue tie fixed and she was so used to the bottle she wouldn’t latch on after.

Was on anti depressant medication and wasn't allowed.

I have inverted nipples and my children had tongue tie (which were not cut until around 2 months old). Which is not a great combination for successful breastfeeding!

I tried hard but we weren't getting anywhere. So I switched to expressing my milk instead.

Since it’s for research...I had zero interest in breastfeeding even before I gave birth. If I’m honest, I find it a bit gross. That’s not to say I don’t fully support women who choose to breastfeed but it wasn’t for me. Plus my husband could do the night time feeds. And I always knew how much she was getting. And I’d heard that formula fed babies tend to sleep through earlier, and there’s no cluster feeding.
Anyway for all of the reasons above I formula fed from birth with no regrets. Happy mum, happy baby and all that.

I have D-MER.

I gave it a very good go with the first baby and wound up pumping for 6 months. With the second, the NICU was NOT an environment conducive to getting breastfeeding established so I wound up pumping from the outset, we made it about three months before PND and D-MER made me pack it in.

I breastfed my second for 2 years.
My first breastfeeding was going well but I was completely shell shocked and exhausted and after a few weeks I decided that I needed to stop. In hindsight I could have mixed fed but I Was just so tired I couldn't think of anything but stopping feeding

Having beem breastfeeding nearly contiunously for neaely 4 years.

DD1 awful latch and no idea what i was doing, broke down in tears on day 3 as i thought i was starving her. Midwife linked me up with a lovely latch on group. Took 3 weeks to feed through the pain but and easy breastfed baby.

DD2 - wasnt as frightened as before but had an insane over supply that took 6 months to regulate and 1 bout of mastitus.

I have dyspraxia so for me breastfeeding even with the above was easier than ensuring i had bottles sterilised, water cooled etc.

I also got decent sleep even when waking every two hours due to the hormone release for mothers when i fed - use to pass right out afterwards.

Women are not prepared for the reality of breastfeeding in the early weeks and that can lead to new mums feeling they failed before theyve even begun.