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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why you didn't breastfeed?

369 replies

MakingABoobOfIt · 08/12/2017 19:25

For starters, this is NOT meant to be a goady thread, and I'm a longtime MNer but have name changed to avoid outing myself Grin

I'm a Uni student, and have an essay coming up for which I would like to know reasons Mums decide not to breastfeed. Research shows that the majority of mums want to breastfeed but either start and stop pretty quickly, or don't start at all. So if this was the case for you, I would be so grateful if you'd be happy to tell me about what influenced your decision (friends, media, etc) and what might have caused you to decide to breastfeed (more support, less stigma, etc)?

Thank you in advance wise ones.

OP posts:
Shadowboy · 08/12/2017 19:27

Painful, bleeding nipples. I managed a month but the pain made me resentful and this was not good for our relationship.

Original poster
MakingABoobOfIt · 08/12/2017 19:29

@Shadowboy ouch Sad that sounds horrible. Did you try to, or were you able to, access any support to help you - for example with your latch?

OP posts:
drspouse · 08/12/2017 19:29

Adoption.

ChristmasAddict · 08/12/2017 19:31

Very much wanted to breastfeed and first feed after birth went fab. However for the next 24 hours he refused to latch and I was hand expressing colostrum which meant no sleep as I struggled and took ages. When the paediatrician checked him they were concerned he had an infection. They then became obsessive about him having a set amount of milk and put pressure on to give formula. Once he was better and my milk had come in i tried again with the help of midwives to get him to latch but it never happened. I managed 24 hours of exclusively expressing but it made me really anxious and gave me palpitations. As I have a congenital heart defect I decided formula would be best. I am sad that I didn't manage to breastfeed but I am happy I managed to give him my colostrum and I don't regret my decision as it was the right thing for my health and DS has thrived.

JeanBodel · 08/12/2017 19:31

Because I can't. I am the 1% (or whatever) that genuinely can't.

And if anyone posts to tell me I'm wrong and I could have done really if I'd just tried xyz, I will hunt them down and slay them. Be warned.

Telling people that everyone can breastfeed is a bit like telling people that everyone can conceive a child or everyone can have a vaginal delivery. Or everyone can see without glasses. Sometimes body parts don't work as intended.

laketaupo · 08/12/2017 19:31

Need to be able to drop and run (dm very ill/have a toddler etc). So much more convenient! Especially useful as we have been in hospital this week with 3 week old DS and it was very easy to track feeding rates and I also didn’t need to stay overnight etc. Jolly flexible , very pro FF.

StarDustMonkey · 08/12/2017 19:32

I didn't breastfeed as I've suffered childhood sexual abuse...and couldn't even stand the thought of it.

PoncyCanapes · 08/12/2017 19:32

DC1: Terrible, ongoing mastitis and an abscess meant I managed six miserable weeks in pain and with what felt like the flu.l before finally giving up. I had a lot of advice from a breastfeeding counsellor and La Leche etc, but nothing really helped.

DC2: Managed a blissful first week where it fell in to place, then got mastitis and an abscess again in week two and ended up hospitalised and was very poorly in week three. Couldn’t face another day of it, so stopped.

I’m too old for more babies, but if I’d have had another I’d still have tried again.

Kraggle · 08/12/2017 19:32

My sister in laws both bottle feed. One has never breastfed any of her three (just didn’t want to) the other tried with both of hers but they were both premature, one a csection where her milk didn’t come in for a long time and it didn’t work out past a couple of weeks with either baby.

ChristmasAddict · 08/12/2017 19:32

Oh in answer to the second part of your question I think close, loving family nearby and visiting regularly along with a lactation consultant could have enabled me to breastfeed. Unfortunately that was not the case for me.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/12/2017 19:33

It's not something I'd have felt comfortable doing. Plus I wanted my body back.

Peachypie83 · 08/12/2017 19:34

Oversupply and couldn't feed in public because she would come on and off and choke on my fast letdown.

7 months into bfeeding my second, difference being that he was premature and I had a lot of support in the NICU to get established and I'm older and less self conscious about feeding in public (Although still don't love it). I also have a new partner who is more supportive and encouraging than my DDs father was

Shadowboy · 08/12/2017 19:34

MakingABoobofit- we paid for a private lactation consultant and despite several visits and a second opinion there was no obvious cause- latch was good, no tongue tie. I’ve always had ridiculously sensitive nipples so I’m a way I wasn’t surprised sadly.

Coconutspongexo · 08/12/2017 19:34

I produced absolutely nothing it was expected though as I was anorexic during my pregnancy!

thewisestoldelf · 08/12/2017 19:34

I didn't want to. I enjoyed my FH being able to share in the feeds. It really suited us and I have a 3.6 year old who is healthy, happy and thriving

thewisestoldelf · 08/12/2017 19:34

DH not FH

Timeforanamochango · 08/12/2017 19:35

I always wanted to but had zero support post birth despite being in hospital for a week. My baby was given a bottle from birth when I wasn’t awake to stop it and therefore rejected my boobs. The breastfeeding support specialist didn’t turn up once and she cried being near my boobs, a Midwife wouldn’t help with latch, I felt so violated post birth and was traumatised that I didn’t want to get my boobs out in front of anyone to keep trying anymore and my milk never came through because of it, by the time I got home on day 7 I pumped for 3 hours to get about 2 drops. If I had more support with the latch and even during labour I think we 100% would have breastfed. This time around I’ve put in my notes on the first page (dont give bottle unless absolutly necessary, if I’m not conscious put her on breast if possible) I’m also not planning to leave the hospital until I’ve had bf support and will limit visitors so I can BF without an audience. In my opinion there’s more stigma around not breastfeeding, I’ve never felt so judged than when I told people I wasn’t bf’ing.

BarryTheKestrel · 08/12/2017 19:35

Within 12 hours of being born DD was tube fed due to having some serious issues. This continued for days. When she was finally allowed to feed she wasn't getting anything. I was milked by a nurse who got one solitary drop. We tried this for a few days and literally nothing came in. By this time she was used to and happy with a bottle so we continued with that.

If I were to have a second child, I won't be putting myself through the stress again and will formula feed from the start. It also gave me and DH an even split of care in those first weeks when I was recovering from a horrible birth.

MrsApplepants · 08/12/2017 19:35

Never wanted to BF. Didn’t want my nipples being sucked. Find the whole thought of it horrid. Nothing would convince me otherwise, sorry! I’m very supportive of those who do choose to BF though!

ThereIsTooMuchConfusion · 08/12/2017 19:36

I bf my first for 10 weeks and felt pressure to stop from 1)myself I found it painfully awkward when out and about 2) my dd was born on 75th percentile and dropped to 9th and has lots of pressure from Jc about her weight, she stayed on 9th even after switching to bottles and she is now 10 yo and still on 9th percentile!! I wish I had known that back then I would’ve carried on. I really enjoyed it and it was such less hassle at night times. My second dd I was more laid back and managed 7 months.
I really believe in fed is best!! Whatever works for you as a family is right.

shelentei · 08/12/2017 19:36

Really painful nipples. My dd drank in blood from them and vomited it back up again it was terrifying. I remember being on the phone to the midwife In tears cause I thought I'd poisoned her. My milk then dried up and she was losing weight so I had to switch to formula after ten days.

LostMyMojoSomewhere · 08/12/2017 19:37

This reply has been withdrawn

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CompassionateKebab · 08/12/2017 19:37

No latch, no milk. Believe me I tried. I could have been supported better but otherwise have no regrets.

Lime19 · 08/12/2017 19:37

I tried. A few hours after I gave birth midwives in hospital were having a go because milk had not come in and he wasn't getting enough Hmm so made me use formula. Got chucked out after that. Didn't know how to go back to breast! No support.

kaytee87 · 08/12/2017 19:37

My son couldn't latch due to facial swelling and bruising from rotational forceps. I expressed for him for almost 12 weeks when I was so exhausted and he was awake more during the day that I just couldn't keep it up any longer.