To ask why you didn't breastfeed?

[MakingABoobOfIt]

For starters, this is NOT meant to be a goady thread, and I'm a longtime MNer but have name changed to avoid outing myself

I'm a Uni student, and have an essay coming up for which I would like to know reasons Mums decide not to breastfeed. Research shows that the majority of mums want to breastfeed but either start and stop pretty quickly, or don't start at all. So if this was the case for you, I would be so grateful if you'd be happy to tell me about what influenced your decision (friends, media, etc) and what might have caused you to decide to breastfeed (more support, less stigma, etc)?

Thank you in advance wise ones.

Ds into SCBU 6 hours after he was born, and didn't come out for 4 days. NG tube fed. He then came onto transitional care, but still NG tube as no sucking reflex. He started to take a bottle after 10 days, and we were out of there, and as he was feeding from a bottle, I kept it that way.

I had my daughter on Christmas eve. I wanted to breastfeed and dd didn't latch well from the start. She was a massive baby (little under 10lb) and I was worried.

The support I got from the nurses was 'if she doesn't latch, you won't be going home on Christmas day. It's either formula, or you'll be staying here'

I felt like I was pissing them off.

I didn't want to.

Long labour (50h) / exhaustion / baby wasn't interested / no help.

Expressed for 6 never ending, soul destroying weeks them moved to formula and began to enjoy my baby.

Fed DC2 until she was 2y 7m though.

Childhood sexual abuse here too.

Don’t get me wrong, I tried. But it made me miserable. I couldn’t cope with anything touching my nipples.

Pregnant again now and I’m not going to try this time. Although the perfect prep is exciting me!!

B Fed my first baby for 3 weeks then stopped due to cracked nipples and pain. Found formula feeding much much easier and more convenient so FF my next 2 babies from birth. Would do the same again if I was having another baby.

Desperately wanted to. First week was fab but with hindsight that may have been the post birth heavy painkillers. Lots of milk though and a gaining baby.

Then sore, cracked, bleeding nipples, then enforcement, then first bout of mastitis which was misdiagnosed as flu when I phoned the mat dept at the big London teaching hospital when the middys gave me a day off because I was doing so well. At 5.15 when i phoned again they said madtitis and needed ab's and to call dr's who would understand. Drs said I'd phoned too late so had to call the out of hours number when it came on at 6. Refused to leave a prescription at reception for me because Drs had been at work all day and I'd phoned too late.

Four midwives and two Drs gave conflicting advice and the HV couldn't be arsed except to say thou shalt breastfeed.

Then more mastitis and started to be unable to move after a feed due to the pain and debilitation probably thrush of the inner breast tissues. HV told me to wrap myself in a blanket and air my the fire if I couldn't bear anything touching breasts. NCT said latch was perfect and to take painkillers to take the edge off the pain. HV (the bitch) told me that breast feeding mother's out their babies first and bottle feeding mother's out themselves first. (To be fair it was only about 24 and wet behind the ears).

Then I got a breast abscess and the consultant surgeon tried to explain that the benefits of breast feeding were infinitesimally miniscule. But all the damage was done then so I tried to continue with a tube strapped over my shoulder draining puss. A week in I called the NCT who suggested a big mechanical expressing machine to rest the nipples a former A&E sister turned up, took one look, went and bought me bottles and formula and showed me what to do and phoned me daily for a week. The physical pain stopped. The pnd started.

When D'S went to the dentist when he was 20 months the dentist noted he had a very flat palate. It is unusual but it was why.

Not one HCP had sense, knowledge or any cognition that feeding involves a complex set of variables. There was no support or empathy.

I fed dd for 9 months.

Hcps 23 years ago were unspeakably ignorant and unhelpful. I have never trusted an HCP since.

I fed him for 8 weeks. It was utter he'll and I was made to feel utterly inadequate by women who should have and were supposed to get better.

My baby wouldn't latch. I was in hospital for a week because he wouldn't feed. Finally managed him latched and I asked to leave hospital because I was so stressed. Just kept refusing to latch. Tried everything, support groups etc. Just told to keep trying. Ended up expressing for 14 weeks. No tongue tie or anything. It just didn't work for us and I spend a lot of time feeling extremely guilty because of that. Ridiculous really as now he is 18months and found him eating porridge out of this bin this morning.

My baby ended up extremely ill from me being forced to breastfeed him - within 3 days he was severely jaundiced, dehydrated and we ended up being blue-lighted to another hospital in the middle of the night, where he ended up in SCBU on fluids, and developed subsequent hyponatraemia.

After that I bottlefed him only, though some of this was expressed breast milk, as I wanted to ensure he was getting enough. In hindsight I’m angry that I was emotionally blackmailed into breastfeeding a large but premature baby (I had gestational diabetes) when it was clear he had difficulties feeding.

you need to think more about your essay, OP
most of these answers are about why women were unable to continue bf (and I think there's quite a lot of literature on that)
some are telling you why they never wanted to (which, given the strong 'official' message about bf is an interesting question, IMO)

I'd be interested in some refs for the tongue tie/folic acid link.

Thank you so much for all of your responses so far - to all of you who've had such bloody horrible experiences, it makes me so sad to hear when women haven't been able to breastfeed due to lack of support.

I know someone who didn’t breastfeed because they thought formula was higher quality than breast milk. Long time ago, 1960s and 1970s sort of time but amongst her and her friends, they all thought this.

Do you want to know why women made an active choice pre-birth to formula feed, or why women chose to stop breastfeeding and switch to formula, or both? It's not very clear which you're asking for.

Yes I agree with this.

You have had a lot of accounts of women who tried or started to breastfeed and for various reasons stopped.

But is that what you are asking?

Is it the ante natal decisions you are looking for?

DC1 & DC3 both latched like a dream and fed until they self weaned ... actually both at 16 months.
DC2 Latched but had no suck swallow breathe reflex. He was tube fed then taught how to bottle feed!

I was so embarrassed getting out a bottle to feed. Much more than tube feeding or breastfeeding in public!

2nd child was dd btw. She Didn't have a flat palate.

Adoption

I did for a short time for both of mine.

One reason I quit second time round was because I could not run round after my 2 year old. It was just too hard, my toddler was into everything and I felt tied down

Breast fed for 6 weeks gave up due to severe pnd . Went on to successfully breast feed 4 more children

In the hospital I tried for 3 days and nothing came out. The nurse told me I needed to try harder as I was starving my baby and said to Dd 'your mummy isn't looking after you very well is she you poor thing'. I was told either try harder or go buy some formula so they could discharge me.

The after care on the ward was horrendous and every time I called to ask for help with feeding the nurses rolled their eyes and couldn't be arsed. The nurses were absolutely awful and shitty with me. It wasn't busy and they weren't rushed off their feet, there was 3 of us in the whole ward and most of the night they were sat in reception laughing and joking keeping me awake. I also had nothing to eat or drink for 3 days (no visitors to bring me anything and was told to take my bag of wee down to the canteen with me if I wanted anything as they weren't there to serve me - this was after asking for a jug of water) and felt so weak so make no wonder I couldn't produce any milk.

In the end I was sleep deprived, couldn't stop crying and I just wanted to go home so I gave up and gave her a bottle. I still tried a few times when I got home and tried to pump but could not get a single drop out.

I wouldn't wish that maternity ward on my worst enemy. Imo there is not enough support for breast feeding at all and the 'help' I received was shocking and this was only 4 years ago.

Never told anyone this before.

It's because the whole idea of it completely revolted me.

My mental health suffered terribly through 3 weeks of breastfeeding my first. She was doing exceptionally well (lost 5 grams by Day 10) but I was in pain, stuck to the sofa, felt overwhelmed by being solely responsible for her feeding (and essentially her whole wellbeing at that point) and also struggle with hormone changes affecting a physical condition and leaving me in pain.

I wanted to continue but my husband stopped me. He was absolutely right to do that. I would have ended up very, very mentally unwell.

I tried again with my second, but when the feelings came back, I stopped before it got out of hand.

I think the only thing that would have helped me is not hearing all the sanctimonious ‘but it’s the most natural thing in the world’ stuff. That doesn’t help when you’re spiralling into PND and already feel like a failure.

I'll say it straight. I just did not want to. I didn't even want to try it, at all. I knew it wouldn't be for me at all.
My mum exclusively ff all 3 of us, and we were all perfectly healthy, so I didn't see the need for the 'breast is best' push that is forced on every mum to be or new mum.
At one of my appointments, there was a student midwife who asked if o would be attempting to breastfeed. I said "no, I won't even by trying once". She tried to insist she wrote that I would, until I threatened to complain to her uni.
Thankfully the lovely midwife and student midwife in the birth centre were supportive of my decision and didn't judge or try to force me.
Fed is best, and whichever way you feel is best to feed your baby is what you should do. Ignore the so called professionals' who simply recite from their textbooks.

OP - if this is an academic essay you’re writing you really need to look at the huge variation in breastfeeding rates across the U.K.

About 83% of women in London are still breastfeeding their 4 week old babies but there are some areas of the U.K. where that figure is as low as 19%.

Then factor in age, education and ethnicity.

A Nigerian doctor in her 30’s living in London - about 99% likely to be breastfeeding. A white English 17 year old living on a big council estate somewhere is the midlands - about 90% likely to be bottlefeeding.

So you can look at things like breastfeeding challenges, people having the time to establish breastfeeding, whatever but far and away cultural differences are what primarily shapes your feeding choices and experiences.

On the flip side, I BF for because I have a body made for BF. I do not, however, have a body made for gymnastics so I don't.

I haemmoraged 6.5 pints of blood and my milk never came in. I had over a dozen people trying and manually pumping my boobs for days and days after birth. It still never came in. My consultant said it will never come in as my body was trying to recover from losing so much blood and keeping me alive.