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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why you didn't breastfeed?

369 replies

MakingABoobOfIt · 08/12/2017 19:25

For starters, this is NOT meant to be a goady thread, and I'm a longtime MNer but have name changed to avoid outing myself Grin

I'm a Uni student, and have an essay coming up for which I would like to know reasons Mums decide not to breastfeed. Research shows that the majority of mums want to breastfeed but either start and stop pretty quickly, or don't start at all. So if this was the case for you, I would be so grateful if you'd be happy to tell me about what influenced your decision (friends, media, etc) and what might have caused you to decide to breastfeed (more support, less stigma, etc)?

Thank you in advance wise ones.

OP posts:
RaindropsAndSparkles · 08/12/2017 20:00

Oh 're the ante natal decision. After d's when pg with dd I told midwives repeatedly that I was unsure of what I would do. So middy one wrote breastfeeding in my notes. I corrected it and middy 2 told me off because if a woman is unsure they assume she will for their stats. I Didn't see a third midwife antenatally, I insisted on consultant led care after that. Funny how an experienced Dr in his early 60s CD be so much more supportive and clinically knowledgeable.

Original poster
MakingABoobOfIt · 08/12/2017 20:01

Thanks for the advice @newtlover Hmm But don't worry I am actually doing other reading for my essay - I have all the literature and research, I am just interested in 'real' stories and opinions as well.

And @speakout I'm after both antenatal and postnatal decisions, what people are posting is fab and really interesting.

OP posts:
MeganBacon · 08/12/2017 20:02

I tried and tried but honestly, it was the worst experience of my life. I had no support (no parents, no partner, no-one) and was in so much pain with the muscles around my shoulder going into spasm, and he never latched. I held my boob in his mouth pretty much every waking moment. The health visitors came round and told me I was doing fine but he lost so much weight and was so unhappy. I felt so utterly useless a complete failure. 15 years later I still hate to think about it.

GreenTulips · 08/12/2017 20:03

T1 had damaged facial nerves on forceps delivery and couldn't latch

MW told me it was unfair to breastfeeding feed one and not the other -

W

Original poster
MakingABoobOfIt · 08/12/2017 20:04

@sothatswhatitisthen that's a surprisingly common feeling, although one women for talk about much! It's one I can relate to, although I found once my child was born I felt really differently.

OP posts:
SparklingSnowfall · 08/12/2017 20:04

I had absolutely no desire at all whatsoever to breastfeed. I think the main reason was that I would have sole responsibility for feeding and in my mind at the time perceived that I would have no freedom whatsoever in the early days.

Itsnotmesothere · 08/12/2017 20:04

I bf, so not sure my experience is what you are after however I think NHS bf information given in antenatal classes is really misleading and might cause women to give up.
At my antenatal class, we were told an hour spent feeding was not normal. Frustrated at the amount of time DS spent feeding, I researched it. Sites dedicated to breastfeeding assured me it was entirely normal.

Secondly, the nurse leading the class told us breastfeeding should not hurt, if it did something was wrong.
Now that maybe true in some cases and perhaps many women have had pain free experiences but it really hurt me for quite a while. Painful blistered nipples but I was told DS was feeding fine. He gained weight fast too. I can't remember too well but it felt like all of a sudden the pain went, maybe at about 6 weeks. I couldn't get out to any bf support sessions because I was too busy feeding him!

Doubletrouble42 · 08/12/2017 20:05

Breastfed dd1 without issue. Dds 2 and 3 are twins and both tongue-tied. Both appallingly painful to feed ( bleeding nappies etc) and each fed approx every hour and a half night and day. I lasted under a week. Felt like an absolute failure and spiralled into a depression. Over it now.

Dixiechickonhols · 08/12/2017 20:05

Difficult back to back labour, full spinal block/prepped for c section but forceps in end. Baby born with serious disability (undetected on scan) so I was in shock. No food or drink for hours after delivery. No skin to skin or tries feeding, baby constantly being taken from me to be examined or drs in room seeing us. I was numb from chest down for about 8 hours post delivery.
Baby then got jaundice and tube fed.
I pumped and tried but eventually midwife said bottle feed so you can go home (been in hospital 10 days) at home pumped even hiring same pump as at hospital and tried but dd had no concept to suck she was used to syringe and tube feed.
Not sure how to word this sensitively but I also sometimes think me being unable to feed was natures way to ensure survival of the fittest. Mum with baby with obvious birth defect In shock unable to feed in the past would have meant baby didn’t survive.

Doubletrouble42 · 08/12/2017 20:06

Nipples not nappies!!

Mandraki · 08/12/2017 20:06

Was very much of the ‘I’ll give it a go’ mindset, but once my baby arrived, and after a difficult delivery where I lost a lot of blood, my milk didn’t come in and my baby was angrily chomping on my breast for 3 days. At 4 am on the 4th day I decided it totally wasn’t worth it, she was upset, I was upset and I just wanted some sleep and for her to be fed so I gave her a bottle. If I have anymore, I will go straight to bottle, it’s worked well for us as husband is able to share the feeds. Also, speaking now to mums who have similar aged babas (3 months ish) they are generally getting less sleep and feeding more often. I’m selfish and want my sleep, so thats another reason why I won’t be breastfeeding if there’s a next time.

Spikeyball · 08/12/2017 20:06

Prem baby that couldn't latch.
Had to be given formula top ups because couldn't express enough and eventually trying to breast feed, feeding, expressing and making up and cleaning bottles on a 2/3 hourly basis ( and getting about 2 hours sleep a day) became too much and I switched completely to ff at 6 weeks.

No support from midwives who were only interested in helping those with more straightforward difficulties , didn't help.

Clarabell100 · 08/12/2017 20:06

My daughter was early and my milk hadn’t come in yet so I decided to combo feed. When my milk did come in she just wouldn’t latch on and would scream the place down. I did express for about a month but my dad was seriously ill in hospital at the same time and I couldn’t do it enough to keep my supply up. It was stressing me out so my health visitor actually told me to stop for my own mental health.

Original poster
MakingABoobOfIt · 08/12/2017 20:07

@minifingerz yes absolutely, culture is a massive influencer and a big part of my essay. Your stats are interesting - can you PM me with refs so we don't clog up this thread? Thanks!

OP posts:
Neverender · 08/12/2017 20:07

In all honesty my Dsis said she wasn't, 10yrs before I had DD. I decided I didn't want to, and that was that. It's not something I would ever comment on anyone else doing but I could not see myself doing it, and, in all honesty, I just didn't want to. So I didn't.

mercurymaze · 08/12/2017 20:07

vlad just seems goady to post a university study in aibu but hey i'm over it

Waterdropsdown · 08/12/2017 20:07

I started BFing my twins, by about 2 weeks one of them had tongue tie diagnosed and we were given an appointment for a few days later to have it cut. Before the appointment DH and I decided we did not want her to have the operation. Still very happy with that decision.

I decided to express instead. Ended up expressing for both my twins for 5 months (they had 1 bottle of formula about 5 times a week as sometimes I couldn’t make enough) after that it got too hard to express as the were much harder work in the day.

poddige · 08/12/2017 20:08

I didn’t want to.

bito · 08/12/2017 20:08

First time i tried purely in order to satisfy the army of people who told me it was best. However a highly traumatic birth and aftermath meant that it was never going to work . Second child I told everyone to naff off and that I would not be trying. With the pressure off I managed to sccusfully express for a few weeks before ripped nipples ( caused by a too small pump) put paid to that too.

minifingerz · 08/12/2017 20:09

Making - what I find fascinating is that women all over the world will experience difficult breastfeeding and personal obstacles to starting breastfeeding , but for some reason in the U.K. this results in women stopping breastfeeding quickly or never starting in the first place, whereas in Norway or Hungary or a dozen other places, it doesn’t.

What is it specifically about living in the UK which makes breastfeeding so difficult? That’s the question you need to ask.

Breastfeeding challenges and persona barriers to breastfeeding are universal. Low breastfeeding rates are cultural.

Original poster
MakingABoobOfIt · 08/12/2017 20:09

@mercurymaze just posted in AIBU as I thought it would get most traffic, and it seems to be doing the trick!

OP posts:
storynanny · 08/12/2017 20:10

I wanted to but was physically unable due to one very permanently inverted nipple and one completely flat nipple. Interventions during pregnancy didnt work and baby had nothing to latch on to. Expressing didnt work with the pump either. Didnt bother to try with subsequent children as I feel I wasted the first precious weeks of my first childs life.
Have since discovered I have a deformity under the nipple so it is true that some womenncan not breastfeed

Neverender · 08/12/2017 20:10

Plus, very traumatic birth lasting 5 days

fifig87 · 08/12/2017 20:10

Another one who was sexually abused here. The thought absolutely freaked me out.

HerRoyalFattyness · 08/12/2017 20:10

I was 17, and too weak from a post partum haemorrhage to breastfeed, so the student midwife gave him a bottle. Being 17, and not really clued up, i thought that he had to stay on bottles then. No one told me I could still breastfeed him even though they all knew my intentions were to breastfeed.

Then with the following 2 I felt a lot of guilt about not breastfeeding my oldest, so I bottle fed them as well.
Stupid I know, but it is what it is.