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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset that dd's nursery teacher bartends at night?

146 replies

Dec13girl · 07/12/2017 14:05

I picked 3 year old dd up from nursery earlier this week (at 6pm) and her teacher was telling everyone that now she has to go to her other job. I asked her about it and it turns out she works shifts behind a hotel bar on nights and weekends. I am really upset and concerned because I think she must be exhausted, and I don't want someone who is that tired watching my dd. On top of that, this same teacher sent my dd home in soiled clothes yesterday (didn't change her after an accident). I'm finding it hard enough to be a working mother, and his just makes me want to resign. Should I pull her out of this nursery?

OP posts:

mumoffour1716154 · 07/12/2017 17:40

@Bluebubble123 my son did a poo in nappy once, but couldn't go back home to change. I was mortified and just apologised. The staff were always brilliant.

Just yesterday had call from school to come and collect as not feeling well. Teacher has cleaned him up, but she was very apologetic that she hadn't realised he had pooped in pants. I felt bad that she had to clean him up.

Seriously the amount of work nursery staff and teachers do, I am always grateful.

BrizzleDrizzle · 07/12/2017 17:45

OP wait until she gets to school and she'll be taught by teachers (who often work 12+ hour days) and TAs who have second jobs so they have enough money to live on. YABU.

Bluebubble123 · 07/12/2017 17:45

I really don't mind changing children that have soiled on the way into Nursery and I really wish the parent would just say. Also I wish parents would just say oh they are wet / dirty at pick up time and I would!d certainly change them straight away. I just can't stand where parents walk away and then bitch the nursery staff have left them in soiled clothes! something I would never knowingly do!

TorNayDoh · 07/12/2017 17:58

Get a grip.
Obviously nursery workers are paid minimum wage.
Anyone would find it hard to live off that.
Don't assume that she'd be any less tired sat at home watching TV til late.
YABU.

Sayyouwill · 07/12/2017 18:03

OP- you're a dick.

VioletHaze · 07/12/2017 18:08

Maybe OP could launch a campaign to get the nursery to double its fees for everyone so their staff could be paid a decent living wage? That would solve the issue.

PortiaCastis · 07/12/2017 18:14

Maybe the nursery should increase their fees so they can give the poor woman a decent salary and she only has to take one job. Anyway if you want exclusivity get a nanny

TheVanguardSix · 07/12/2017 18:19

NeganLovesLucille · 07/12/2017 18:23

The nursery worker is not a teacher, she is probably on NMW. So yes YAVBU as she is trying to make ends meet.

CaptainBrickbeard · 07/12/2017 18:28

My second child didn't sleep more than an hour at a time for two years; I went to work an absolute zombie. I could barely string a sentence together. A lot of us have to function in demanding and responsible jobs when utterly exhausted. I wish there was a solution but there are a million reasons this woman could be tired and you can't control that.

Cynara · 07/12/2017 18:29

I moan about how much it costs to send ds to nursery for a day, and then I work out how much that is per hour, and I STFU. Because actually, it's not that much to care for, feed, entertain, educate, cuddle and keep safe my most precious thing. Nursery workers earn very little in relation to their responsibilities. What the worker does in her own time to make ends meet is absolutely none of your business unless she is demonstrably unfit for duty. In the kindest possible way, you really need to get over yourself.

butterfly56 · 07/12/2017 18:30

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/12/2017 18:49

As everyone else had had...yabu.

Have a think for five seconds why she has a second job.

I’m separated from my child’s father, work full time and have nursery fees to pay, same as thousands of other women. You’re not special.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 07/12/2017 18:51

Im sorry but her life doesn't start and end with looking after your child. Harsh but true.
The poor women may need the extra money which is a bloody disgrace if so. One job should be enough, but. That's for another thread.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 07/12/2017 18:52

What makes you think you can dictate what someone does in there spare time!!

maddiemookins16mum · 07/12/2017 18:55

If this post doesn't highlight just how badly nursery workers are paid then not much else will.
YABVU about her second job, I'm pretty sure she'd prefer to be heading home.

Wavingnotdrown1ng · 07/12/2017 18:57

You'll need to get used to this- the effect of enormous student debt and the amount needed for property deposits means that very many young people have two plus jobs in order to pay off their debts. My younger colleagues in teaching certainly have additional jobs for these reasons. I have worked 16 hours a day during exam-marking season for exam boards to be able to pay for family holidays. I would have been most offended if the parent of one of my pupils had had the temerity to question the choices I had to make in order to support my family, unless there was clear evidence of repeated concerns about my capability. If you raise this as an issue you will be perceived as extremely unreasonable - the soiled clothing is a different issue but accidents of this nature do happen, especially at pick-up time when there is plenty of coming and going and hustle and bustle.

overnightangel · 07/12/2017 19:04

Like like OP has disappeared cos she’s realised she’s BVU

user9217 · 07/12/2017 19:42

Another nursery worker here.
Before I had my DS I worked full time in my nursery (anytime between 7:30-6) and a part time pub job behind the bar Saturday nights, Sunday lunchtime and the occasional weeknights too to cover other employees shifts. It was necessary to cover my rent at the time, bills, expenses, car etc and any of a social life I had left! I lived to tell the tale👍

Since having my DS and becoming a single parent I'm back at Nursery Work part time and I'm extremely grateful and lucky that child benefit tax credits and payments from ExH cover nearly everything else. Otherwise I'd have to work 2/3 jobs. Your DD's nursery worker may be in a similar situation. You never know. Please don't judge her based on her being committed and hard working!!

The soiled clothes are something you need to communicate with them it may have been a complete accident that they just didn't notice/change in time. Dont worry too much!!

Bonkerz · 07/12/2017 20:38

Seriously?????
If she was going home and drinking alcohol every night to the point it was leaving her hungover fair enough but it's none of your business what she does after hours.
I'm a childminder and my second job is as a paranormal investigator. One does not clash with the other!

MNHQ

HebeMumsnet · 07/12/2017 21:00

Evening folks. We have a few concerns here. We're going to close posting on this thread temporarily while we have a look behind the scenes

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