AIBU to be upset that dd's nursery teacher bartends at night?

[Dec13girl]

I picked 3 year old dd up from nursery earlier this week (at 6pm) and her teacher was telling everyone that now she has to go to her other job. I asked her about it and it turns out she works shifts behind a hotel bar on nights and weekends. I am really upset and concerned because I think she must be exhausted, and I don't want someone who is that tired watching my dd. On top of that, this same teacher sent my dd home in soiled clothes yesterday (didn't change her after an accident). I'm finding it hard enough to be a working mother, and his just makes me want to resign. Should I pull her out of this nursery?

I don't think the OP said that her DD was still in nappies but I might have missed it.

I agree that it is none of anyone's business that the nursery lady works in a bar as well.

I don't think that you can assume that she is exhausted just because she works two jobs. But YANBU to raise your concerns if you think that she is indeed overworked and it has had an effect on the quality of care that your DD receives.

Sorry, but I think YABU and it's none of your business if she works in the evening. Any issues in her job performance will be managed by her supervisor.

The soiled nappy - if it happens again I'd bring it up but as a one-off? It could have happened a couple of minutes before you arrived and they didn't get a chance to spot it and sort it. It probably only seems more of an issue as you may be unconsciously be viewing it as proof that she must be tired as she is working of an evening. In reality, it is likely entirely unrelated.

Dirty clothes are a problem, but I'd be more worried about how little she's being paid if she's having to work another job.

What a horrible attitude, it has nothing at all to do with you what the NN does after she finishes her shift. NN are very underpaid for the job they do.

Think I better give my kids to someone else. They mustn't be safe with me (because I work full time and am up all night feeding baby) or DH (who works 13 hour days).

She isn’t a nanny, she isn’t the sole carer of your child whilst at nursery. YABVU

YABVU

Just had a major flashback to when I was a nursery nurse. Had four jobs, Nursery, cleaning, working in a shop and ironing for my sister. At that point I was getting £9k a year from Nursery and couldn't live on that. I left and got a job in an office.

Judgey post, very very interfering.

I think the main concern here is how poorly paid nursery staff are.

The soiled clothes is a separate issue. But I’m regards to you having a problem with her working in a bar in the evening...... wow, just wow! Do you know how much nursery workers get paid? Minimum wage! (Maybe slightly more but still a pittance)

Why don’t you got up the cost of a 1 bed flat near the nursery, bills, the cost of running a car plus food, clothes, entertainment ect and see if she earns enough to pay for that? Not an extravagant lifestyle, just a basic one.

If not you and the other parents could club together and contribute what’s she is short every month and give it to her so she doesn’t need to work a second job?

No? Didn’t Think so.....

It's none of your business if she has another job, if she can't make ends meet with her pay at the nursery then what do you expect her to do?

Nursery workers are on peanuts; I'm not surprised she works in the evenings.

Soiled clothes is another issue. You can bring that up, but not her working two jobs. YWBVU to do that.

YABVU

If my DS was at a nursery where the staff had to have second jobs in order to make ends meet (or save, or whatever) then I'd be ashamed that the nursery I was using paid them so little.

YABU.

Agree with others. Soiled clothes is an issue, though if it's a one off, I wouldn't be too concerned. Sometimes these things happen in the rush to do pick up.

But what she does in her off hours isn't any of your business, assuming she's not like smoking crack or something. She probably is exhausted! But unfortunately that is the life of most working people. Most TEACHERS work hours like that (my dd's teacher is regularly sending emails and doing work online at 11:30pm, I can tell because it logs her activity and I see what she's posted and when when I log on). Our dd's babysitter is a nursery worker (used to be her nursery worker when she was in nursery) and she often babysits for us until 11pm. I think that's life unfortunately. You probably won't find many people who work with children who don't work long hours. Unless she's falling asleep at work and leaving children unsupervised or showing up drunk, I don't think it's a problem. You've likely cared for your own children just as exhausted. I know we have!

Op: Aibu
MN: yes
Op: let's disappear completely and hope people forget how utterly ridiculous I'm being

this is ridiculous.

Some people WORK 12 hours a day, then commute. How do you know how long it takes for the staff to reach the nursery for a start?

Some people are up half the night to study and get flamed by housemates because they have the heating on, see other threads

Some people are just watching tv, or drinking out with mates.

Businesses really need valid reasons to prevent their full time staff to have another job!

Who the hell do you think you are? YABVVVVVVU.

You will of course employ an evening/ night nanny as you - after a busy day as a "Working Mother" - will be exhausted and not fit to look after your children safely in the evenings.

It is unreasonable that nursery staff earn so little they need second jobs. Maybe you could push for the staff in your DC's nursery to be paid more, this of course may well mean you have to pay higher fees.

Its terrible that people who do such a valuable and important job don't get paid enough to live on. If that was the point of your OP then you wouldn't be unreasonable, but it wasn't, and you are.

You sound positively Victorian op!

Perhaps you should hire a governess?

What a load of tosh.