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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't like the tree

139 replies

inniu · 07/12/2017 08:47

Most years we go together as a family to pick the tree. This year DH suggested as we had a few things on and he had sometime off work he would get it himself.

I don't like it at all. It is slightly shorter but much much narrower than any tree we have ever had. When it was delivered my reaction wasn't great. I looked at it and said "it is very small"
DH is taking it very personally and was very upset with me which I was really surprised about. We have made up since but I still don't like the tree.

For context, I work part time and do 95% of the Christmas organising so I may be used to doing things a certain way.

I really still want to get another tree. AIBU

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 07/12/2017 10:00

A narrow tree sounds like a good idea to me. They always get in the way

Not if you’ve got a huge room Confused

coddiwomple · 07/12/2017 10:02

like women are supposed to?!

This isn’t a sexist issue.

It kind of is. The house is the home of the DH as well as the OP. He chose a tree that he is happy with, doing a nice thing, and is getting grief as a thank you. If my own husband was so controlling, I would stay well away from all the house chores and let him deal with everything.

It's hardly a healthy relationship if one of the partners has to keep his mouth shut and do as he is told - banana example being slightly different, if someone is careless and buys things that ends up in the bin, that's not helpful

SingingTunelessly · 07/12/2017 10:02

I don’t care about being called unreasonable I’m on the OP’s side. The tree is the centrepiece and thing of wonder in our house so I’d be pissed off if DH did this. And I don’t care 😄

FizzyGreenWater · 07/12/2017 10:02

Put it on a wee table?

Ifailed · 07/12/2017 10:03

So DH has a short narrow one, but OP prefers a longer, thicker one?

TheWhyteRoseShallRiseAgain · 07/12/2017 10:04

I do get it op I’m slightly weird—obsessive—about our tree but DH tbf couldn’t give a fiddlers as long as it magically decorates itself like always. This year we got our lovely nine foot one from the same place as always, dosed it with aspirin and expected to put it out in January as fresh as a daisy but within a few days it was shedding needles and smelt of cigarettes. DH said not to be silly but I said at that rate we wouldn’t have a tree by the weekend never mind Christmas so we explained to the guys we got it from and they were horrified, offered either a refund or replacement and new tree now standing proud

user21 · 07/12/2017 10:04

Is this for real?

TheCatsPaws · 07/12/2017 10:04

It kind of is. The house is the home of the DH as well as the OP. He chose a tree that he is happy with, doing a nice thing, and is getting grief as a thank you. If my own husband was so controlling, I would stay well away from all the house chores and let him deal with everything.

I agree with you, I meant it wasn’t a case of women having to “shut up and put up” as another poster suggested. She seemed to be saying OPs husband was being sexist.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 07/12/2017 10:04

Getting grief as a thank you? Why should he be thanked for going out and choosing a tree? And why couldn’t he have put his brain in gear and get one similar to the previous years? To me it says that he saw the first one and thought it would do!

RestingGrinchFace · 07/12/2017 10:04

You do realise that you are going to throw it out and get a different one next year right?

AstridWhite · 07/12/2017 10:05

My DH bought a tree completely unsupervised one year. It was awful. I managed to keep my mouth shut for about 23 minutes and try to make the best of it before I realised I simply couldn't, so we discussed it and he agreed I told him and he knew better than to argue it had to come down and we went straight out to buy another one.

LaLaLady2 · 07/12/2017 10:06

I was always so precious about the tree too, it was always mine and my DF's 'job' to go and choose a tree...hours of driving round to find something perfect... Something to laugh about, share and a family tradition and the only time my dad ever lifted a finger to be any part of Christmas
Sort of continued in my own family then one year DH came home with a tree... A small tree.😱
But I had a large metal outdoor planter (waist height) which we 'planted' the tree in that year. It looked fab, it saved us dragging the usual 6ft tree upstairs (upstairs living room) and down again with pine needles through every room and down a carpeted flight of stairs. Smaller tree has been chosen every year and saved all that hassle and money.

Put it up, be creative, you might find you prefer it!

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 07/12/2017 10:09

Ifailed yes OP has a preference for more length and girth. Her dh is upset and sees nothing wrong with short and stumpy, possibly a bit sparse at the base.

coddiwomple · 07/12/2017 10:09

And why couldn’t he have put his brain in gear and get one similar to the previous years?

Hmm

Maybe he prefers the current one? Why should he get the exact same one? Might as well buy an artificial one if you are that fussy, no problem of size and the branches are identical and everything is symetrical. Why can't a man picks his own damn tree?

Maybe he shouldn't be thanked - and I am in a couple where we do say thank you for little things, even when it's boring things that need to be done anyway - but it's ridiculous to get so much grief.

Lesson learnt, from now on the OP (and similar posters) can go to the tree place by herself, chose it, pay for it and set it up by herself to her own standard. What a lovely way to start Christmas!

INeedNewShoes · 07/12/2017 10:09

My dad once chose the tree. It had about five branches. We all laughed about it. That tree created a lot of Christmas cheer as all the visitors had a chuckle too and we all laughed that dad obviously felt the need to buy the tree nobody else would want.

It's daft to be upset about a tree and I can't believe your husband is upset about you not liking his tree choice. You both need to be a bit less sensitive to all things related to Christmas trees.

liquidrevolution · 07/12/2017 10:10

It's one thing if he actually studied the tree and decided it was The One, another if he put no thought in at all and just grabbed the first one he saw

This!

OP I would be annoyed too. Choosing a tree is an important ritual for me. DH was all for an ikea one this year (£25 and get a £20 voucher to spend in store) but they were awful. So I insisted on going to our usual place and we got a perfect tree for 15 more. I wouldnt have bothered but we are at home this year so want a nice tree.

Sadly I think you are going to have to suck it up this year.

For all those who think I am a control freak DH chooses the outside lights, cards, crackers and wrapping paper as he is fussy about these things.

coddiwomple · 07/12/2017 10:11

Ifailed
Grin Grin Grin

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 07/12/2017 10:12

Coddi the OP hates the tree. She’s hardly going to say thanks is she?

GrandDesespoir · 07/12/2017 10:16

This really is a whole new league of first-world problem...

Ifailed · 07/12/2017 10:16

Maybe the short narrow one is more in proportion to the size of the baubles?

I'm here all week, try the veal.

GiveMeTheTeaAndNobodyGetsHurt · 07/12/2017 10:17

ilostitintheearlynineties, I'm sure it'll look fine as long as the baubles don't hang too low Grin

AstridWhite · 07/12/2017 10:17

I saw someone's real tree on Pinterest yesterday and it was absolutely awful - like the one you describe Ineed.

It was small, had about four manky branches all at really odd angles, and wasn't remotely symmetrical. It had about three baubles and one bit of tinsel on it. It was in a lovely room as well and I was really perplexed by why someone with such a lovely Pinterest worthy sitting room would pick such a crappy tree and then decorate it so badly.

It really bothered me. Grin

Basseting · 07/12/2017 10:18

I have had a shit year, am living as a single parent with two kids in a cold mouse ridden cottage in the arse end of nowhere. Not currently working, just got dumped, waiting on an operation which I need to get back to work and found out yesterday it now may not happen.
(I was going to post on the thread about 'who has had a bad 2017' but then read it and realised that things were not so bad, actually!)
My point is:
You have a nice tree (if small) and tonnes of decorations.
I just braved the storage shed to discover the mice have eaten everything Christmassy. Now I have to find petrol and £££ to drive to shops (miles) to try to buy cheap replacements. Bah Humbug. Xmas Wink
.
I am NOT begging for your unloved tree, btw
The only thing still clean and intact is my fake tree (small).
If I can convince the kids 'the year the mice ate Christmas and we all went to choose new decorations' is fun then you can love your tree
Cheer up, OP, it's Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiistmas Xmas Grin

GiveMeTheTeaAndNobodyGetsHurt · 07/12/2017 10:19

Cross post with ifailed!

coddiwomple · 07/12/2017 10:19

then she should get another tree by herself, who cares about her DH's feeling. If she wants to be in charge of the house, then let her be.

It's not how my own marriage works, but if others are happy that way.

We are talking about a tree.. that will last around 20 days now. HUGE deal and such a good reason to put your partner down because he made the wrong choice.

I love this sort of threads, they go so well to explain the viral so-called "mental load comics".