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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't like the tree

139 replies

inniu · 07/12/2017 08:47

Most years we go together as a family to pick the tree. This year DH suggested as we had a few things on and he had sometime off work he would get it himself.

I don't like it at all. It is slightly shorter but much much narrower than any tree we have ever had. When it was delivered my reaction wasn't great. I looked at it and said "it is very small"
DH is taking it very personally and was very upset with me which I was really surprised about. We have made up since but I still don't like the tree.

For context, I work part time and do 95% of the Christmas organising so I may be used to doing things a certain way.

I really still want to get another tree. AIBU

OP posts:
TigerTown · 07/12/2017 09:25

I can understand your dissapointment/frustration at hour DH not doing things the way you do (honestly my DH does this with lots of things that seem simple to me) but it really is just a tree and doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Get the decorations out and next year this will be a funny story to tell

Troubleinstore · 07/12/2017 09:25

Hes got the message. ..don't say any more. Suck it up for this year and don't let him do it again next year...make it a joint effort. Saying that I saw a bloke with a netted tree in his trolley last week thst he'd obviously just bought and hadn't a clue what it'd look like when opened. I could tell by the bumpy shape that it was gonna be bad....and the fact that it was brown and dead at the base. I pointed it out to DH who commented he'd hate to be him when he got it home and his wife saw it! (He knows us women too well!)

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 07/12/2017 09:29

I think you should go with the saying It's Not The Size It's What You Do With It.

I elevate mine on a box and surround the base with light up presents. Is something like that an option?
Trees look best overloaded with lights and decs so really go to town on it. Any left over baubles look good in wide bowls or large glass vases.

Can we see a pic of the tree?
We can then all tell you you're either
a) being really picky, get a grip or,
b) yes it's awful, what was he thinking? Grin

paxillin · 07/12/2017 09:29

"Most years we go together as a family to pick the tree." means you pick it? Sounds like it if this year's is so different. He wanted to pick it for once and it is his turn.

lborgia · 07/12/2017 09:31

Question for me would be, did it look like that because he had specifically chosen a tree that size, or was it just something to tick off hte list, and he just walked in and thought “that looks like a tree”, thereby nullifying years of family tradition in pondering and rotating several trees in an attempt to find the tree of them all...

If this, then YANBU. If he geniunely thought it was the nicest tree he was likely to see this year, then YABU.

Although in this house it was be both, and we’d both feel hard done by. Sad

Surely by now you would both know if this was a bone / tree of contention, and that it could not be undertaken in a popping-into-Sainsbury’s-Local-on-the-way-home sort of way.

trulybadlydeeply · 07/12/2017 09:35

What about if the OP was "I've got loads on this year, am expected to do everything for Christmas, and DH won't even take an hour off work to help me out and go and go and get one. He expects us to go as a family FFS.

Your DH has gone out and chosen a tree that he likes. Embrace the season of goodwill and be thankful!

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 07/12/2017 09:35

Most years we go together as a family to pick the tree

I was wondering this Paxillin. I think that roughly translates as I drag the family along to watch me pick the tree. They all nod and agree it's a great tree and can we go home now. Wink

user1486915549 · 07/12/2017 09:36

My husbands feelings are more important to me than the width of a Christmas tree ffs.
He went and did something nice for you and you winge and make him feel bad.
Get over it.

thecatsthecats · 07/12/2017 09:37

My parents used a raised box covered in wrapping paper as a platform for their tree when my dad bought a tiddler for a fiver. Might help boost it?

I do wonder if you do 95% of Christmas stuff because you WANT to control it as opposed to DH not puling his weight, or because you have fixed ideas about how things should be done?

sonjadog · 07/12/2017 09:39

If it's small, then put in on a box or something similar to make it taller.

But really, just get over it. It's only there for a few weeks and the size of the tree really is not worth getting worked up about.

coddiwomple · 07/12/2017 09:40

Honestly, you are VVBU
It's a tree. i never understand why people get so worked up about things like that. Spirit of Christmas and good will, hey?

Pre children, I had stunning trees (I have a sister who is amazing for things like that, she "helped" decorated the whole sodding things for a little fee food and drink

Once my first child was old enough, he started decorated and the others soon follow. Our tree is now decorated by the children. It's... different Grin. They are super proud and the house looks like Christmas. We'll go back to show-house mode soon enough!

If you hate your tree, just put more stuff on it to hide it.

This is typical of the reason why some many women complain about having to organise and think about everything. They don't. They just make life miserable for the poor sod who tries to help and soon gives up!

PanannyPanoo · 07/12/2017 09:40

Can we see pics of last years tree and this years tree please.

thiskittenbarks · 07/12/2017 09:41

In my rational mind YABU. But at the same time I’d be very annoyed and I’d get a bigger tree. I’d know I was being irrational, but I am never rational about Christmas decorations. Me and DP have a disagreement almost every year about the size of the tree and the date we put it up. I can also understandable he feels though. It’s hard to judge the size of a tree when you are outside. I guess it depends how much you hate it. Are you going to be really annoyed every time you look at it for the next few weeks?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 07/12/2017 09:42

I didn’t read it that the DH wanted a turn to pick the tree. More that he was helping out the OP who has lots on.

Why he didn’t choose one similar to previous years ( like my DH ) I don’t know.

If you really don’t like it OP and you can afford it I’d just get another one personally.

WeAllHaveWings · 07/12/2017 09:43

For context, I work part time and do 95% of the Christmas organising so I may be used to doing things a certain way.

You need to let others enjoy choosing too. As said above, dragging the family along to pick a tree of your choosing is not fun for anyone, this attitude probably spills into the rest of Xmas without you noticing (as you are happy). Maybe let your dh and the dc pick the tree, without criticism, every year from now on?

mistermagpie · 07/12/2017 09:45

God I wish I had your problems OP.

It's a tree, who cares? They all look nice once they are decorated. Stop being such a control freak and let your DH get involved with the Christmas prep.

chocdog · 07/12/2017 09:48

I looked at it and said "it is very small" DH is taking it very personally and was very upset with me which I was really surprised about.

This is one of the funniest things I have ever read on MN.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 07/12/2017 09:49

The OP cares mistermagpie, obviously.

coddiwomple · 07/12/2017 09:49

They all look nice once they are decorated.

I wouldn't go that far Grin

Peachypossum · 07/12/2017 09:50

I love a nice big tree too OP and would be a little disappointed in not having one that stood up and smacked you in the face for attention when you walk in the room so I understand. Ours is a fake tree though so this isn't an issue, although its so old now I have to stuff the gaps and cant find one impressive enough to replace it.

That said, I agree with others, make the most of what you've got there, maybe elevate it some how?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 07/12/2017 09:51

It's one thing if he actually studied the tree and decided it was The One, another if he put no thought in at all and just grabbed the first one he saw.
My husband is like this with bananas.

I'll carefully look at a few and pick a decent bunch, he'll grab the nearest one and they're often bruised or squashed underneath.Sad

Mars100 · 07/12/2017 09:54

Everyone's being so mean! I'm on your side OP. The tree is important! I'd have told him to take it back and get the right one. It's not helping out if you do a bad job. Why should you have to keep quiet and keep the peace (like women are supposed to?!). I very much doubt your DH is emotionally attached to his choice of tree, more likely he grabbed the closest one and thought "job done".

TheCatsPaws · 07/12/2017 09:55

like women are supposed to?!

This isn’t a sexist issue.

Terrylene · 07/12/2017 09:58

A narrow tree sounds like a good idea to me. They always get in the way.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 07/12/2017 09:58

That's how it goes though with a real tree: most years they are a bit too tall or a bit too wide or a bit too bald or the wrong kind of conifer or they shed too quickly.

Then, every few years you get a lovely one, a perfect one and you appreciate it all the more.

It's a metaphor for life really.Wink