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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can't believe we've just argued over the fucking toilet!

67 replies

Emerald92 · 07/12/2017 07:54

I told DP I was going to the loo for a number two and to keep an eye on DD 1yo. After a few mins he calls up 'Are you still on the toilet?'
'Yes'
'I need the toilet but don't rush'

He does this every single fucking time I'm on the toilet! I can never poo in peace! I know it sounds petty but I hate it, I feel rushed and self-conscious he's listening then. Every time I'm on the loo he needs it! Today he heard me flush and was there before I had a chance to pull my knicks up and wash my hands Angry

We've argued. He could tell I was annoyed and I told him I was fed up of him always needing the loo every time I'm there. You don't need to tell me you need it too. I'm going as quick as I can anyway!

It got heated but he turned things and personal by yelling 'go fuck your self. You're an arrogant fucking piece of shit' Shock I'm fuming!! Not once did I call him a name or swear at him.

He's lucky his bags aren't outside the door! Angry

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 07/12/2017 07:56

It's one of the reasons why a one loo house would be a deal breaker for us.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 07/12/2017 07:56

Just don't tell him you're going. Put baby safe in cot.

Wolfiefan · 07/12/2017 07:57

He sounds horrid. Swearing at you is not on.
If he does it every time I think I would send him up first. Then he's got no excuse to bother you. Or LTB.

Fishface77 · 07/12/2017 07:57

He called you a piece of shit?
Seriously have words about this.

Phillipa12 · 07/12/2017 07:58

Id be seriously contemplating my relationship status with someone who used that language against me, completely uncalled for and downright nasrt.

unimagmative13 · 07/12/2017 08:00

If I said I was going to the toilet my husband would say he was just going to smoke, it's so annoying

Original poster
Emerald92 · 07/12/2017 08:01

I know, he doesn't lose it often but today he did. I know I can be hard work and uptight but I never attack him personally like that. He's usually so good but today I must of made him snap!

OP posts:
HuskyMcClusky · 07/12/2017 08:02

It got heated but he turned things and personal by yelling 'go fuck your self. You're an arrogant fucking piece of shit'

This would be a way bigger issue for me than the toilet thing.

LEMtheoriginal · 07/12/2017 08:02

Vile

purplemunkey · 07/12/2017 08:03

Are you both sleep deprived? Our DD didn't sleep well until well over 2yrs and me and DP used to have stupid arguments like this a lot. We were dead on our feet constantly and snappy, small arguments turned shouty very, very quickly. Could it be that?

purplemunkey · 07/12/2017 08:04

Although, I agree some of his language is way too much.

Loverunandwine · 07/12/2017 08:06

I hear you, I have been known to yell ‘just 5 minutes, that’s all I’m asking’

SummatFishyEre · 07/12/2017 08:06

What a nasty man he sounds to call you that

ZacharyQuack · 07/12/2017 08:07

If it wasn't for the horrible swearing at you, I'd suggest that you call his bluff. Make sure that you definitely don't need the loo and then tell him you're going to use the toliet. Go upstairs. In a few minutes when he asks if you're finished, say "sure" and let him go for it. Then you can poo in peace later.

But the swearing and calling you names is nasty so I wouldn't be wasting too much time playing bathroom poker with this tosspot.

AnachronisticCorpse · 07/12/2017 08:08

My horrible ex used to do this. He’d also desperately need a shit every time I got in the bath, so would sit there stinking the bathroom out while I tried to have a relaxing soak (ha!).

It was a control thing. He also hated me reading in the evenings (trying to make myself loook clever, apparently), and would wake me up in the middle of the night to chat because he couldn’t sleep.

Is any of this sounding familiar? I also got told I was too highly strung and uptight.

TrinitySquirrel · 07/12/2017 08:10

DH has a habit of wanting to go for a poo the moment he's snarfed down his entire dinner in moments, leaving me and mine to go cold while I eat extra slow so I can watch our son eat (blw).

I snapped last night. Told him no, he had been alone in the house for 5hrs while I had the baby attached to me like glue, and he had all of that time to shit. He could fucking sit down and watch our son while I actually ate a hot meal for once. I still ate it slowly Grin

He does the same thing where he comes in from work some days and will sit on his phone on the loo. Nuhuh. You can be a big boy and take an extra long break at work before you leave next time!

pinkdelight · 07/12/2017 08:11

He is BU and way OTT to speak to you like that and hassle you on the loo.

As a side issue though, are you on your phone on the loo? Only because I've noticed how much longer people take on the loos these days while I've been queuing (in public loos) and am certain it's because people get their phones out and check their mails etc., making everyone wait longer. It's different in your home of course and you're allowed to take refuge on the loo, but if you are on the phone too maybe it's more than the few minutes you think it is. Which still doesn't give him the right to hassle you of course. That should just be flat-out banned.

Shoxfordian · 07/12/2017 08:11

Ugh has he always been like this OP?

CocaColaTruck · 07/12/2017 08:11

He sounds horrible, OP. Don't blame yourself for his disgusting outburst.

Next time tell him you want to use the loo but can he go first or forever hold his peace.

SuburbanRhonda · 07/12/2017 08:12

I know I can be hard work and uptight but I never attack him personally like that.

Don’t start blaming yourself for his being a nasty person, OP.

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 07/12/2017 08:13

Stop announcing your dumps. How can you feel self conscious when you've already announced it??

Not that he's in the right AT ALL...he shouldn't be swearing like that at you.

But it could be a reflex...like a sympathy poo. He's conditioned himself to want one when you have one.

Just get up and go...don't say where!

Ceto · 07/12/2017 08:15

I'd take a book into the loo, and add an extra 5 minutes onto my reading time every time he hassled me.

HermioneIsMe · 07/12/2017 08:18

Errr no you didn’t ‘make him snap’.
The way he spoke to you is NOT your responsibility. It’s his. He had the choice to not call you names, to walk away or whatever he wanted to avoid speaking to you like this.

Codlet · 07/12/2017 08:22

Agree with Ceto. Lock the door, call “just coming!” and stay in there as long as you like.

Agree with purplemunkey as well. If your DD is a poor sleeper and you are both tired, it’s normal IME to have ridiculous arguments like this.

Rudgie47 · 07/12/2017 08:30

Tell him if he doesnt stop it you'll get him a commode and he can go on that and empty it if he cant wait.
He sounds abusive and vile,I cant believe how horrible it must be to be stuck with some of these idiot partners on here.
Have you considered telling him to fuck off properly for good? I would if someone spoke to me like that.