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AIBU?

Can't believe we've just argued over the fucking toilet!

67 replies

Emerald92 · 07/12/2017 07:54

I told DP I was going to the loo for a number two and to keep an eye on DD 1yo. After a few mins he calls up 'Are you still on the toilet?'
'Yes'
'I need the toilet but don't rush'

He does this every single fucking time I'm on the toilet! I can never poo in peace! I know it sounds petty but I hate it, I feel rushed and self-conscious he's listening then. Every time I'm on the loo he needs it! Today he heard me flush and was there before I had a chance to pull my knicks up and wash my hands

We've argued. He could tell I was annoyed and I told him I was fed up of him always needing the loo every time I'm there. You don't need to tell me you need it too. I'm going as quick as I can anyway!

It got heated but he turned things and personal by yelling 'go fuck your self. You're an arrogant fucking piece of shit' I'm fuming!! Not once did I call him a name or swear at him.

He's lucky his bags aren't outside the door!

OP posts:

Report

TinklyLittleLaugh · 07/12/2017 08:30

Of course it's not normal to have your husband call you "An arrogant piece of fucking shit". Who sets the bar that low?

KatharinaRosalie · 07/12/2017 08:31

it’s normal IME to have ridiculous arguments like this - we have had poorly sleeping babies but at no point has either called the other a piece of shit. I really don't think this is normal way to peak to your partner.

expatinscotland · 07/12/2017 08:37

I wouldn't announce anymore, and take some headphones and a book. Lock the door, let him sit. Fucker.

Emerald92 · 07/12/2017 08:42

I know he was a fucking arsehole to speak to me like that. It is a very rare occurrence but he shouldn't take out his stress on me.

We're going to have a serious chat tonight and I'll make it clear if it happens again, I'll be leaving.

OP posts:

HermioneIsMe · 07/12/2017 08:44

Would you be leaving or would you be kicking him out??

Starting point is the same but I suspect the idea of finding himself out in the street will nit be as appealing as staying in his own house.
Plus you have a child that deserve a roof over her head.
And he is the one in the wrong there....

Fishface77 · 07/12/2017 08:46

Hermione is right.
Why are you taking the blame for his behaviour??

Vitalogy · 07/12/2017 08:54

Yeah, best not to mention you're going to the toilet in the first place. The bigger issue is the way he speaks to you though, for you and the babies sake this needs to stop.

deepestdarkestperu · 07/12/2017 08:56

Lock the door (from the inside) and sit in there with a book. He doesn't want to be on his own with DD and knows if he says he needs the toilet you'll be nice and let him go, while you hurry yourself along to watch her.

Put her in her cot beforehand and tell him to be a parent.

userabcname · 07/12/2017 08:59

I'd take my sweet time. Take a book. Maybe run a bath and have a soak. Make a phone call or two. Just to make a point.

ZigZagandDustin · 07/12/2017 09:00

Send him to the loo before you go.

He'd have to be a pretty poor level of a partner to speak to you like that, even in an argument.

Goldenhandshake · 07/12/2017 09:01

DH and I have been together for 15 years, never once has he called me a 'fucking' anything, never mind piece of shit, no matter how heated a row has got. That is your real issue.

TheMaddHugger · 07/12/2017 09:03

I must of made him snap!............ Nope !

1000000000000000% Nope

Not your fault

diddl · 07/12/2017 09:06

"'go fuck your self. You're an arrogant fucking piece of shit' "

That is just nasty.

If you don't take long on the loo there's no reason for him not to just wait without telling you that he needs to go.

It's like some odd control freakery!

EndofSummer · 07/12/2017 09:06

That is definitely not on, his words. Make sure he owns this.

It sounds like the general atmosphere is very tense. Stand back. Think about things. Get out for an afternoon and leave him with the baby. Are you difficult? What is it you actually do that is difficult? Is he?

Write it down whilst you are relaxing with a coffee. Get as much sleep as you can. First babies are tough as it’s such an adjustment.

May50 · 07/12/2017 09:08

He should not have spoken to you like that. My exP and me we never would use language like that to each other. For me that’d be a dealbreaker.

Wolfiefan · 07/12/2017 09:16

I'm so sorry OP. I get that adults get stressed and angry and frustrated. We all do at times. Some more than others. But you don't make someone swear at you in such a vile and hurtful way you don't. No more than a victim of domestic violence is reponsible for the behaviour of their abuser.
I may have muttered a FFS on occasions when my partner winds me up. But verbally abusing someone because they needed the toilet? Really horrible and unacceptable behaviour.

Bridechilla · 07/12/2017 09:20

Sort of similar thing happens here. WHENEVER I start running a bath, he complains he needs a shit. If I remember I lock the door early and lie that I'm already in the tub. Drives me insane. Why?!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 07/12/2017 09:24

He sounds beyond horrendous.
Does he do this because he doesn’t want to look after the dc?

Next time you need the loo ask himdies he need it first, let him use it and then go and have a poo in peace.

WeAllHaveWings · 07/12/2017 09:26

"'go fuck your self. You're an arrogant fucking piece of shit' "

did this happen in front of your 1 year old dd? its unacceptable to talk to you like that ever, but to also think it is ok to do it in within hearing of your dd is very worrying.

Waterlemon · 07/12/2017 09:28

He sounds very immature. An adult should be able to "hold it".

I work in a school. One child will ask to go to the toilet then the next thing, you have 29 others suddenly needing to go! They are 6 though! An adult should be able to think for themselves!

Unless it is a control thing.

Isthismummy · 07/12/2017 09:29

Not helpful for op, but do other couples really announce to each other that they're going for a poo?

DH and I must be extremely coy in that case...

JennyOnAPlate · 07/12/2017 09:30

I’ve been with my dh for over 16 years and he has never once sworn at me. Its serious talk time I think op. You deserve better.

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diddl · 07/12/2017 09:30

"'I need the toilet but don't rush'"

That's what makes me think it's about control.

There's no need to say anything & all it does it make Op feel uncomfortable/hurry.

pinkdelight · 07/12/2017 09:33

"Not helpful for op, but do other couples really announce to each other that they're going for a poo?"

Sometimes yeah. Poos are funny.

ShoesHaveSouls · 07/12/2017 09:40

I think sleep deprivation can do awful things to us all, and certainly DH and I have had some horrible arguments over relatively trivial things.

But I really couldn't stand DH disturbing me in the loo like that - I would have shouted at him to bugger off and leave me in peace long before this.

Is it a weird control thing? Is he controlling in other ways? My friend had a controlling, v abusive ex-H - and he took the locks off the bathroom door, and would just walk in on her. She hated it, and would shout at him to go away. It was listed as one of the abusive things he did to her in court.

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