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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend or AIBU?

990 replies

SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 00:31

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was Hmm because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. Shock I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

OP posts:
MsJolly · 07/12/2017 23:03

That sounded a bit like the M&S advert sorry Blush

CherriesInTheSnow · 07/12/2017 23:07

MsJolly - Grin

I was going to post to mark my place to say I bet the nasty woman hasn't even offered it to poor FIL :( "Taken some snaps" indeed Hmm

Fitzsimmons · 07/12/2017 23:08

Another one saying don't give up. She needs to learn a hard lesson.

gingergenius · 07/12/2017 23:09

Ffs I'm that pissed off I'll fly to fucking oz and have it out with her myself!!!!

FlashTheSloth · 07/12/2017 23:10

You should not give up on this, doing that is why fucking chancers like her get away with shit like this. What a bitch she is!

Get it back, give it to her FIL and cut her from your life.

AnnaleeP · 07/12/2017 23:12

Report it to eBay now, don't even hesitate. She's had her chance to hand it over, this is theft, it's gone way past cheeky.

I would get your DH to sort it now, concentrate on the baby. But don't you dare let her hang onto it, it's a point of principle now. She shouldn't get away with it and you'll feel better for not being a doormat.

LuluJakey1 · 07/12/2017 23:17

If you let her get away with this you are mad. She has effectively stolen it. Ebay will come down on her like a ton of bricks and she deserves it.

She knows you are going to give in - which is why the auction is still running. She’s taking you for an absolute fool.

Text her and tell her she has an hour to remove the auction or yo7 will tell Ebay it is stolen and unless it is returned to your husband this afternoon you will inform the police.

Once you have it back never speak to the cheeky fucker again.

CoraPirbright · 07/12/2017 23:17

Cant begin to tell you how appalled I am at her behaviour. Def get your dh in on it and tell eBay that she is selling stolen goods. This has gone way beyond cheeky-fuckerdom.

honeyroar · 07/12/2017 23:20

So did she just refuse to give it to you?😧

Nocabbageinmyeye · 07/12/2017 23:26

Don't give up on it op, no way. If you get it back you always have the option of giving it to someone else or maybe donating it. But you are right to distance yourself, meanness and sneakiness are not nice traits in a friend at all

Linzilou1985 · 07/12/2017 23:28

What a cheeky bitch! Hope you get it back op!

witchofzog · 07/12/2017 23:30

I would second reporting to eBay. Bugger what she thinks. She has proved she is no friend by not answering the door. If you don't act now you may wish you had later

MakeMisogynyAHateCrime · 07/12/2017 23:31

You’re going to “take a break” from her?
Really?
I’d be sacking her off completely. What would there ever be to salvage? How could you ever trust such a person after a “break”?

I’m not usually one to air dirty laundry but I’d be sure to let everyone know exactly how she has behaved and how she has stolen from either you or her FIL.

ohfourfoxache · 07/12/2017 23:38

Perhaps the time has come for your dh to contact her dh. I understand why you didn’t want him to but this is ridiculous.

I’d also report to eBay in addition.

She’s not a friend, she’s an opportunistic, thieving cunt.

tatasa · 07/12/2017 23:39

Please don't give up on CF, it's because ur obviously the type to say 'to hell with it', her type get way way with whats she's doing.... only that you queried initially on Mumsnet, I feel u'v taken it further than you would usually have had, which is obviously far beyond CF's expectations, u'v got this far.. please don't let so called friend continue to take the mick... shes selling something that does not belong to her, it is yours, and she obviously thought she'd get away with it... only this time she has gone to far... you are too nice, and she is taking full advantage of this... please don't let her do this to you..

Carouselfish · 07/12/2017 23:42

I think I might have parked behind her car and just honked my horn until she came out. OP, please don't let her get away with it. It's the principle, even if you don't want the object. Report to Ebay. Crack her bloody nuts! Tell us what the item is so we can bid on it and then withdraw our offer due to information it was stolen! Grrrr on your behalf!

SwimmingInLemonade · 07/12/2017 23:46

Can you find out the FIL's address and send the item directly to him? It would be nice if he still got to have it. (Doubt he ever saw it or "took pictures" tbh)

makingmiracles · 07/12/2017 23:58

I’d turn up at her house at a time you know she’ll be in (or rather send your dh) and don’t leave until she answers the door and returns it. I would also report to ebay as stolen.

Please get it back, don’t let her get away with it the grabby mare

KeepServingTheDrinks · 08/12/2017 00:02

Read the 23 pages with a tense belly hoping for the right outcome. Sorry that it's still unresolved.

TheFormidableMrsC · 08/12/2017 00:09

OP, I know I am not the only one to say it, but PLEASE contact e-bay and say the item is not the sellers to sell. They will end the auction. How DARE she! I recently gave a bag of new/very nearly new kids clothes to a friend that I knew was struggling, I told her very clearly that if she didn't want them or they weren't her thing, that she was more than welcome to sell them on if it meant she could get something from them. She may well have done that, I hope she did. That is entirely different. To take a gift meant for somebody else and TELL you that she's going to fund her Christmas with it makes me think she has a real problem. That is just no OK. Please report it!

Italiangreyhound · 08/12/2017 00:13

Don' have time to read 23 pages but I hope you get it back, this is totally wrong.

You gave it in good faith to her father, I wonder if he even realised it was his to keep.

This is really bad behaviour from your 'friend'.

punkpuffin · 08/12/2017 00:31

I cant believe she still hasn't given it back!

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 08/12/2017 00:33

Please don't just give up, OP!

This is exactly why CF exist, because too many people let them get away with shit like this!

If they were actually pulled up on their behaviour, they wouldn't continue to do it.

Motoko · 08/12/2017 00:40

I cant believe she still hasn't given it back!

I can. She's relying on OP giving up, and then she'll just carry on and sell it. That's why she hasn't cancelled the ebay auction.

Then she'll use the money to buy xmas presents, while thinking what a sucker OP is.

ChasedByBees · 08/12/2017 00:41

I really hope you get it back OP.