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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be ok with being my current size

158 replies

cjt110 · 05/12/2017 08:41

Before my son was born 3 years ago, I was 9stone. I am 5ft tall.

According to BMI and healthy weight ranges, this was near the top of the range but I was happy and felt slim. Since my son was born I have gained 2 stone. Partly due to age, an underactive thyroid diagnosis and just pure gluttony. We've been on holiday 3 times where a bikini/swimwear have been worn. Whilst I haven't felt great, I also haven't felt hideous. It's just my tummy that I have an issue with.

I have been trying to lose weight for some time and I cant. I'[m not going to blame my illness or anything but I just enjoy life and food.

I have gone from a 10-12 to a 14.

I feel OK in my skin on a day to day basis. Yes, I look back at old photos and wish I was that size again but I don't have the energy or determination to get back down to my ideal size. And I like my food too much!

Th only time I ever feel conscious is in swimwear/underwear. I've learnt to accept who I am.

So, is it ok to give up on that ultimate goal that I now feel isn't achievable?

OP posts:
mamapants · 05/12/2017 08:52

I would say you are being a bit unreasonable as a quick go on a BMI calculator has you right on the border between overweight and obese and that's if you are exactly 11stone, any more and you are obese. For the sake of your health you do need to think about eating more healthily and doing some more exercise.

magpiemischief · 05/12/2017 08:52

I would just focus on this in terms of your health. If you are fit and your diet healthy losing weight can go on the back burner. I saw something on tv a while ago that show just 30 mins walking a day can prevent type 2 diabetes. Some people trialed this and the HCP involved said it was as effective as some of the medication available. That made me think.

Regarding what you look like it is personal taste, lots of people are your size and they don't look bad.

mrsnec · 05/12/2017 08:53

I am a little bit bigger than you at the moment but I've been massive in the past. Right now I'm in between my smallest and largest.

People will tell you it's about how you feel and some would say it's better to be a bit smaller and to work harder at it. My experience is that to maintain my smaller size the lack of food and the constant control over my eating made me miserable but I don't want to be any bigger than I am now so I'm still careful just not as much as I used to be.

I'm just saying it's ok to be happy as you are but just be careful it doesn't creep up even more.

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/12/2017 08:59

I run 5k every other night in around 36 minutes. So I would say I am fit. I took up running in July.

I am 11st1 and 30 years old.

I would love to get back to 9 stone, or even 10 but I am struggling so so much.

I dont know whether what you read the media hinders or helps. One article "Look at X and how big they have gotten" another "Look at how much weight so and so had lost" then a curveball "This lady wouldnt share a photo of her on the beach because she had tummy rolls"

OP posts:
Rebeccaslicker · 05/12/2017 09:00

Why don't you just reassess the goal a bit? Stop thinking in terms of weight and dress size and instead focus on getting exercise and eating healthily - e.g. My friend who's the same height as you wanted to lose a stone. So she started being careful 5 days a week, but enjoying her weekends, and walking then jogging 3-4 times a week, and ended up losing a stone and a half without even really noticing.

I'm also trying to practice what I'm preaching here and it is definitely easier than stressing about being really good and the scales not shifting when you want them to!

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/12/2017 09:00

mrsnec That's my concern I think. I am weight wise the biggest I've ever been and I worry it will spiral out of control. But calorie counting, limiting food and eating like a rabbit and not feeling I have free choice is hard.

OP posts:
Original poster
cjt110 · 05/12/2017 09:01

Rebeccaslicker See above regarding my running :)

OP posts:
PinkyBlunder · 05/12/2017 09:02

You know what, I actually find your attitude refreshing. It’s no one else’s business and if you’re happy the way you are then crack on.

I was a size 8 before DD and my weight crept up afterwards especially after I stopped breastfeeding. Pre this pregnancy, I was a size 12 and just over 9.5 stone. The BMI calculator said I was bordering on overweight but I was totally content with my new shape, I never had curves before and they rock! I got so sick of people asking me what I was going doing about it. I don’t have any underlying heath problems though, no diabetes or thyroid problems or anything else.

Of course, you do need to think of yourself health-wise but YANBU to be happy with the way you are.

LoveDeathPrizes · 05/12/2017 09:04

Am i seriously reading this? A woman asking other women if it's okay to feel happy in her skin, and some people saying, well no. Not really.

Fuck that. My only criticism would be that you asked. If you feel good you feel good. No one else gets a say about your body.

WorraLiberty · 05/12/2017 09:05

It's great that you've learned to accept who you are. However, I don't think your weight needs to define that.

If you're almost obese now, you could end up well into that category as time goes by - meaning you may look back one day and wish you'd nipped it in the bud back then.

You're only 30 now but won't always be young and active. Also there's the diabetes risk amongst other things.

Rebeccaslicker · 05/12/2017 09:05

That's amazing! Seriously, I walk it and I find that hard enough (I am 6 months pregnant but still!).

Now.... make it 7.5k. You can do it Grin

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/12/2017 09:06

Thanks Pinky It's taken a good few years to feel like this. I think being able to run 5k in 35 minutes has shown me that I'm not unhealthy. I am petite and have curves and am dressing to suit those now.

I think the BMI and healthy weiht range things are sometimes vastly out. It suggests my weight range is something like 7st7lbs to 9stone2. I would look skeletal at 8stone nevermind 7!

OP posts:
Original poster
cjt110 · 05/12/2017 09:08

WorraLiberty again, I take this point and worry that it might escalate but I just can't seem to get my mojo on....

Rebeccaslicker set to run an 8k next week and for the next few months with my rubbing club. 10k from March and into the Manchester 10k in May

OP posts:
RestingGrinchFace · 05/12/2017 09:10

YABU to look at this as an aesthetic thing rather than a health issue.

WorraLiberty · 05/12/2017 09:13

If it's your mojo you've lost, that indicates that you actually would like to lose weight.

Maybe best to leave it until after Christmas and then rethink it, if it comes back.

You know your own body and whether it really would look 'skeletal' at 5ft and 8st. I'm 5ft 3" and approx 8st 3lbs and I certainly don't, although I do have a wobbly jelly belly.

One to be filed under 'January' I think.

WorraLiberty · 05/12/2017 09:14

Sorry, I meant to add, everyone carries their weight differently.

PinkyBlunder · 05/12/2017 09:18

LoveDeathPrizes has it spot on. We as a society has been conditioned to find it unnatural to just say ‘yes! You’re happy and that’s wonderful!’ Instead it’s always ‘yes great but you could always be better....’

I’ve always been told by —many— HCPs, that the BMI scale is a rough guide. It doesn’t define what you should be doing/what you shouldn’t be doing and can be taken a bit too literally. I’m not saying ignore it or that it’s completely wrong, just that it is a guide and nothing more. The only person that can tell you if you at real risk of anything is a relevant HCP.

You run 5k every other day?! According to the BMI scale I’m fine but I doubt I could run 1/2k. What does that tell you? Grin

Carry on being happy lady!

Puppymonkeybaby1 · 05/12/2017 09:18

I hear you.

I recently joined a well known slimming club to shift a stone and a half of baby weight. When I had my chat, she encouraged me to think more positively and use the 21lb as my interim target, with 3 stone as my actual target. I did. I felt full of positivity that I was going to get back down to a weight I hadn't been in 20 years.

Then I reassessed. Because I could get down to 9 stone if i killed myself, but how long would I stay there? And what impact would it have on my life and my happiness if I had to stay on plan forever.

So I'm back to losing 21lb, well, 14lb because I'm already half a stone down, and I might never be a size 10 ever again, but that puts me at a good 12/14 and I am perfectly happy with that

Rebeccaslicker · 05/12/2017 09:20

I'm really impressed. I think if you keep up the running and just watch the food without being on a diet as such you'll surprise yourself when the weight loss follows!

You're also still young enough for it to happen more easily. At 40 it's a LOT harder sadly :(

formerbabe · 05/12/2017 09:22

Loads of posters on here are full of middle class angst over weight...so will tell you that you need to lose weight.

I disagree, you are overweight but not huge...if you're happy, crack on!

Pannacott · 05/12/2017 09:22

Well if you exercise lots your body probably has a higher proportion of muscle, which weighs more. BMI isn't accurate for athletes. You can get scales which look at body fat percentage and abdominal fat levels, which are a much better indicator of health. They aren't expensive either.

But I hate the attitude that it's ok to judge fatness because 'it's a health issue'. Do those people say the same to scuba divers, horse riders, and mountaineers? Because those lifestyles also have greatly raised outcomes of morbidity, health concerns and related social costs.

Migraleve · 05/12/2017 09:35

You say you look back at old photos and wish I was that size again but you don't have the energy or determination to get back down to my ideal size

This tells me you are not as ok with your size as your title suggests.

ReanimatedSGB · 05/12/2017 09:36

If you feel comfortable and well than good luck to you and WELL DONE for managing to avoid the bullshit that women must not only be thin but worry about getting/being/staying thin all their lives.

I am a size 14/16 and have been for most of my adult life. I refuse to diet. I do not owe anyone thinness. It's not my job to be 'acceptably pretty.'

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/12/2017 09:38

Migraleve In my clothes I am happy. Yes, I could be slimmer but I could be bigger and serious health issues. I quote the old addage that I was I was as fat as I used to think I was. But I had also not had a baby and diagnosed with an underactive thyroid. I was also 12 years younger.

I would love to tone my tummy up. Sod the scales. Just not be as wobbly but bearing an 8lb11 baby stretched my tummy a lot.

OP posts:
CherriesInTheSnow · 05/12/2017 09:42

No YANBU, people do carry weight differently and a quick look at reddit's progress pics shows how people can be at a healthy weight for their body even if the number is quite high. I personally am happy with my body when I weight about 12.5 stone and I'm 5'7 (I'm about 2.5 stone over that at the moment though after the birth of my son last month :( )

It might be uncommon but I actually prefer my body being fuller, my DH loves my shape and so do I, and I'm comfortable and happy that way. I also just am naturally fairly heavy, put all weight in my bum and thighs and chest, and the effort it would take to maintain a weight much lower than 12 stone means I have to live a completely different lifestyle to the one that makes me happy.

Just be mindful of your health and only change if it is affecting your confidence and wellbeing!