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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be ok with being my current size

158 replies

cjt110 · 05/12/2017 08:41

Before my son was born 3 years ago, I was 9stone. I am 5ft tall.

According to BMI and healthy weight ranges, this was near the top of the range but I was happy and felt slim. Since my son was born I have gained 2 stone. Partly due to age, an underactive thyroid diagnosis and just pure gluttony. We've been on holiday 3 times where a bikini/swimwear have been worn. Whilst I haven't felt great, I also haven't felt hideous. It's just my tummy that I have an issue with.

I have been trying to lose weight for some time and I cant. I'[m not going to blame my illness or anything but I just enjoy life and food.

I have gone from a 10-12 to a 14.

I feel OK in my skin on a day to day basis. Yes, I look back at old photos and wish I was that size again but I don't have the energy or determination to get back down to my ideal size. And I like my food too much!

Th only time I ever feel conscious is in swimwear/underwear. I've learnt to accept who I am.

So, is it ok to give up on that ultimate goal that I now feel isn't achievable?

OP posts:
TammySwansonTwo · 05/12/2017 12:04

Depot will not be helping you, I guarantee it. I gained 3 stone on it with no change to my diet and activity levels. Came off it and was on a drug that induced menopause - all three stone fell off, then two more. Again, no other changes

If you're that active, you would have to be putting away serious calories to maintain your current weight - I suspect your thyroid has more to do with it than you think. Even if your levels are now in the normal range, are they optimal? I'm trying to get a hypothyroid diagnosis (long story and quite a complex situation) and I've started doing regular home tests via finger prick every few months that monitor all my levels, not just TSH and T4. It's really useful.

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/12/2017 12:07

Tammy Yes they are optimal for me - They suppress as much as possible for me to feel OK.

I was on the depot before I had my son. I tried different contraceptive pills prior to conceiving and they made me feel sick, bleed heavily or gave me an horrendous headache.

OP posts:
waterrat · 05/12/2017 12:07

Being overweight increases your chances of devoping dementia among many other considerations.

It is bollocks to say women should just always say 'oh if you feel okay in your skin then thst is fine'

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/12/2017 12:10

I need to stop binge eating. Thats where m,y issue lies. But I crave chocolate and rubbish. I am currently subscribed to a weight loss programme and am not following it at all. Or kid myself that I am ... even after troughing loads of junk.

OP posts:
Anatidae · 05/12/2017 12:12

It’s not as simple as ‘x bmi = heathy.’ Especially at the ends of the height curves.

Take four people. Two have a BMI of thirty, two have a BMI of 21. One of each weight binge drinks, does not excercise and has the odd fag when at the pub. The other eats pretty well, doesn’t smoke or drink and runs twenty k a week, as well as being active in daily life. Who is ‘healthiest’?

Our healthy BMI non drinker non smoker excercise is probably the one with the best outcome. But the non smoker non drinker excercising heavier one may well be healthier than the other two. It’s not as simple as being a bit fat is bad and being slim is always healthy. Your diet and excercise levels will play a huge part.

The main thing for your health OP is: don’t drink to excess, don’t smoke at all. Keep active and fit. Eat well (not too much, less sugar, eat your greens.) IF you want to lose weight then minor tweaks in diet while carrying on your current excercise and adding a bit of weight bearing stuff would probably see you right.

If you want to lose weight I’d cut most of the sugars out of your diet. That’s literally it. So if you drink, cut down a lot and just ditch the sugar and swap for smaller /complex carb type carb portions. No need for anything silly or faddy or drastic. More veg, less sugar. And don’t beat yourself up.

TammySwansonTwo · 05/12/2017 12:16

Ugh I know, contraceptives are a nightmare. Have you considered the mirena (much lower dose than depo)? I didn't get on with it but I have other issues. Reducing the hormone levels may make a difference.

ohfortuna · 05/12/2017 12:24

For optimal Health you need an optimal lifestyle
However we don't really know exactly what is optimal it's going to vary from person to person
We know that exercise is important but we don't know exactly how much exercise is optimal, how much cardiovascular training how much strength training
It goes without saying that poisoning yourself with junk food alcohol and smoking is harmful but we still don't know what the optimal diet is .....what proportion of macronutrients, exactly how much fruit and veg etc etc

ohfortuna · 05/12/2017 12:25

Anyway most people know what they need to do to be healthy
the problem is actually doing it

Rebeccaslicker · 05/12/2017 12:28

Ohfortuna speaks the truth there. If it were easy, nobody would be overweight, and we'd all be running marathons!

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/12/2017 12:29

TammySwansonTwo No. Im not too sure about anything invasive like the coil or implant

Time to hoick up those big girl knickers and get on with it

OP posts:
choseAUsername · 05/12/2017 12:35

5' and over 11st. No, you shouldn't be okay. You should be trying hard to stop the "gluttony" and lose weight.

ohfortuna · 05/12/2017 12:38

and we'd all be running marathons
Too true😄
Then again my understanding is that excessive endurance exercise may be harmful, running is great in moderate doses but running for hours at a time can put a lot of strain on your heart also strength exercise keeping up muscle mass is very important
I speak as someone who has a bit of an addiction to endurance exercise .... I mean seriously the effects are almost as good as drugs

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/12/2017 12:41

ohfortuna I get that. Running is fantastic. I love it.

I guess, honestly, I plan to run 3/4 times a week. Maybe do it twice.

OP posts:
ohfortuna · 05/12/2017 12:43

Could you maybe fit in a bit of strength training as well?

FrenchJunebug · 05/12/2017 12:45

I am a size 14 too after having had my child, from a size 10-12 and you know what yes I sometimes wish I was back at size 12 but I cycle to work every day, do pilates twice a week and I am healthy and happy. So yes enjoy being happy in your skin.

LifeofClimb · 05/12/2017 12:49

But what is the ultimate goal? You didn't say.

You can definitely lose weight if you want to! You just have to want it, and do it. It's okay to slip up, or have off days, but if you want to be healthier, you just have to make more conscious healthy choices each day. It's not easy, but it's possible Smile

Are you sure part of your weight gain isn't stress? I found that exercising lots didn't make me lose weight - changing my diet was the main thing - but the biggest change was reducing stress. The weight starting dropping when I reduced stress levels. Cortisol makes it very difficult to shift tummy fat.

RavingRoo · 05/12/2017 12:51

I am 11 stones and 5 ft 6 and a size 12/14. My waist measurement is 31 inches and I am slap bang in the middle of the overweight range. I appreciate that everyone’s body is different but you need to be honest with yourself - you cannot be a size 14, and you are obese. Running 5k (3 miles) in half an hour is slow - at my most unfit I was walking a mile a minute.

I’m really sorry to be a downer, but I can’t see how you are healthy in any way shape or form.

RavingRoo · 05/12/2017 12:52

*Walking a mile every ten minutes

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/12/2017 12:52

LifeofClimb I suppose it's to be that girl in the photo I can visualise in 2009 when I was 9 stone. Even later ones of me at my wedding in 2012 when I was 9 stone.

I suppose, I'm just kidding myself I'm happy but I don't know how best to change. I've fallen into a rut.

ohfortuna I wouldnt know where to start! If you can help at all that would be great!

OP posts:
MummyMummyMummyyyy · 05/12/2017 12:53

I'm also torn with what to reply as I hate that society tells us what we should look like, but at the same time there's nothing more important than your health.

I would suggest you look up Richie Howey who is behind Team RH Fitness on Facebook. It's an online coaching group and it's brilliant. I've learned so much about nutrition and motivation from them and I've lost two stone this year. It teaches you to track macros (protein, fibre, carbs etc) which means that you can still have treats because you're having a nutrient-dense diet most of the time. (I don't work for them, honest but I'm a massive fan of their approach... non faddy and common sensical).

RavingRoo · 05/12/2017 12:53

A normal walking place for someone not particularly fit is a mile every 15 mins. So 2 miles / half hour.

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/12/2017 12:55

You would do 5k in 3 minutes RavingRoo Most of the fit park runners I see manage about 20 minutes?? You must have your calculations wrong.

Is a 14 really obese though? Genuine question. I know BMI etc say it is. But is it. What is the average size of women today?

OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 05/12/2017 12:55

Your health is between you and your doctor, nobody else.

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/12/2017 12:56

MummyMummyMummyyyy This is exactly where I am torn. I dont want to think I'm fat because society says I am. I want to stick to my own rules etc but.... I am fat. Will have a look at the thing you suggested.

OP posts:
ohfortuna · 05/12/2017 12:56

Running 5k (3 miles) in half an hour is slow
No it bloody isn't!
a 10 minute mile is a good pace, you dont have to run fast for running to be good for you, running a 10 or 11 minute mile will still get your heart rate up quite a lot and give you a cardiovascular system a good workout.