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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be ok with being my current size

158 replies

cjt110 · 05/12/2017 08:41

Before my son was born 3 years ago, I was 9stone. I am 5ft tall.

According to BMI and healthy weight ranges, this was near the top of the range but I was happy and felt slim. Since my son was born I have gained 2 stone. Partly due to age, an underactive thyroid diagnosis and just pure gluttony. We've been on holiday 3 times where a bikini/swimwear have been worn. Whilst I haven't felt great, I also haven't felt hideous. It's just my tummy that I have an issue with.

I have been trying to lose weight for some time and I cant. I'[m not going to blame my illness or anything but I just enjoy life and food.

I have gone from a 10-12 to a 14.

I feel OK in my skin on a day to day basis. Yes, I look back at old photos and wish I was that size again but I don't have the energy or determination to get back down to my ideal size. And I like my food too much!

Th only time I ever feel conscious is in swimwear/underwear. I've learnt to accept who I am.

So, is it ok to give up on that ultimate goal that I now feel isn't achievable?

OP posts:
Anatidae · 05/12/2017 09:57

Honestly? Concentrate on health. You can run, so just eat healthily and keep active.

If you want to lose weight at some point that will make it easier but don’t do that unless it’s for you and you want to. You do t owe anyone ‘thinness’ as a op says. Women are socialised to think that taking up as little space as possible is good. Fuckit. Be healthy and fit and if that’s a size 14 then grand.

Gaudeamus · 05/12/2017 10:20

I don't see why some feel the health aspect isn't relevant. Future illness would certainly impact on the OP's happiness and her family's, so it's worth taking into account when she's deciding whether it's OK to be overweight, just as someone who enjoys smoking or excess alcohol should consider the long term when making choices about their consumption.

It doesn't mean she doesn't look amazing at her current size or that she should be miserable and unconfident; it's just a pragmatic aspect of health management that should be borne in mind when balancing immediate gratification vs long-term contentment.

In any case, I don't think being at a weight with fewer health risks necessarily means being on a horrible diet where you starve yourself. Maybe making smaller changes gradually over a longer period of time would bring the same results without the sense of deprivation. I've been slowly changing my diet for years, and have made myself a fair bit healthier without too much effort. It needn't be all or nothing.

Whatever you decide, cjt110, I hope you continue to enjoy all parts of your life and maintain your confidence and self-acceptance!

Namow · 05/12/2017 10:20

People who are happy with their bodies don't post threads on public forums detailing their weight and other personal information and asking for permission to be fine with not caring about their weight.

It's fine to be ok with your body and be happy with it however it is, but you really aren't and this is just another way of you trying to feel in control because you feel bad that you didn't manage to diet (I know this because I've been there).

LoveDeathPrizes · 05/12/2017 10:21

She feels bad because of the cognitive dissonance that she likes her body but the world tells her she shouldn't.

Xennialish · 05/12/2017 10:23

That amount of running is amazing. I have discovered 16:8 eating and finally am able to eat less sustainably but I have ditched the little exercise I used to do partially as a result, no idea which is better!

TossDaily · 05/12/2017 10:25

You're never going to find much support on here with that attitude, OP.

I tried posting similar under a different name a while back and got my substantial arse handed to me.

I'm 5ft 7, 12 and a half stone and a size 14. I walk 10k every day, ran a 10k in August, and am perfectly fit and healthy.

I love clothes, can wear more or less what I want and look perfectly acceptable and human-shaped.

I have a loving DP and lots of regular sex. He is not repulsed by my wobbly bits - far from it.

I'm 43, have had two kids, and amazingly, don't have the body I had when I was 23 or 33.

Literally, the only stress my body causes me is the fact that it might not be thin enough to be acceptable to other women, most of whom I've never met.

How fucked up is that?

Good luck to you, OP. Stay happy in your skin. Life is far, far too short.

JustKeepDancing · 05/12/2017 10:26

OP, have you heard of that health at every size movement? It might be of interest to you.
Generally, if you are running 5k 3-4 times a week, getting your 5 a day in, and eating a nutritious balanced diet, that's going to be much better for you (physically and psychologically) than focussing on numbers on a scale. The problem with BMI is that it doesn't consider your resting heart rate, your cholesterol levels or your blood sugars, all of which are arguably much better indicators of overall health. Its perfectly possible to have a low BMI and yet be spectacularly unhealthy in other ways. Yes, as other people pointed out your BMI is high but I find your attitude pretty refreshing. If you are happy and healthy in your own body, enjoying nutritious food and exercising, then that, to me, is a really positive message to share with your children. Much more so than "mummy can't eat that because she's fat"...

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/12/2017 10:29

She feels bad because of the cognitive dissonance that she likes her body but the world tells her she shouldn't. This with bells on.

JustKeepDancing No I haven't. I will look this up.

OP posts:
Namow · 05/12/2017 10:35

She feels bad because of the cognitive dissonance that she likes her body but the world tells her she shouldn't.

Really? You got that? In her OP about how fine she is with her body she also managed to mention (taking out all the 'but I'm fine with it, I feel fine honestly's:

I haven't felt great

It's just my tummy that I have an issue with.

I have been trying to lose weight for some time and I cant.

I look back at old photos and wish I was that size again

And that's just in a post which is ostensibly to tell the world she likes her body and doesn't want to lose weight, arguably an odd thing to do if you are fine with your body. I don't think she is fine with her body. It's fine to be fine with your body if you actually are, though.

berliozwooler · 05/12/2017 10:47

I'm glad you are basically happy in yourself, OP. I would only personally lose weight for health reasons. Last year I tipped over into the obese zone and wasn't unfit either. Through initially calorie counting then 5:2 I've lost nearly two stone. Still a stone to go for normal BMI. I will redouble my efforts in the New Year and then probably take another six months to get to goal. I had to sort out my eating - it wasn't that bad but just a bit too much food over a long period of time. Any more drastic dieting would see me putting it back on again when I finished so long term and sustainable was the only way forward.

WorraLiberty · 05/12/2017 11:00

I can't help agreeing with Namow

This is why when the OP stated she'd 'lost her mojo', I thought it best she has a rethink in the new year.

There's a big difference in being happy with your body and that statement.

Glinko · 05/12/2017 11:03

I think you sound fine, diets don't work anyway. Just eat healthy food, not too much and stay active.

peachgreen · 05/12/2017 11:24

The only people allowed to have an opinion about your weight are you and your doctor. And your doctor is only allowed an opinion if it is genuinely impacting your health. End of story.

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/12/2017 11:26

peachgreen Im weighed every 3 mo nths when I go for my depo injection and my weight is never mentioned as an issue.

OP posts:
RockinRobinTweets · 05/12/2017 11:28

I think the waist measurement is a good guide too - if you're 5 ft you should try and keep your waist to less than 30"

I do know what you mean OP

Rebeccaslicker · 05/12/2017 11:33

Oh god that HAES movement is dangerous IMO. It should be for people like the OP who are within a tolerance range or young girls struggling with body image - but in fact it encourages people to think that women like tess Holliday are healthy role models.

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/12/2017 11:34

My waist bis 34 inches

OP posts:
RockinRobinTweets · 05/12/2017 11:41

That is quite a high measurement

www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/849.aspx?CategoryID=51

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/12/2017 11:48

So, those who have managed, how do you stay focussed to get your weight down?

I work fulltime in a sedentary desk job. I run 3 or 4 times a week. I have a 3 year old toddler. I have an underactive thyroid and ME :(

If anyone can help, I'd really appreciate it

OP posts:
Usernamechecksout · 05/12/2017 11:51

You might feel OK with your weight, but it's not good for your health. Research shows being overweight or obese increases the risks of all kind of illnesses. www.nhs.uk/news/obesity/being-overweight-not-just-obese-still-carries-serious-health-risks/

Usernamechecksout · 05/12/2017 11:52

Do you take medication for your thyroid? Once your levels are normalised, there won't be an effect on your weight anymore.

berliozwooler · 05/12/2017 11:54

I guess I stay focused because I actually quite enjoy the 5:2 fast days and the exercise I do- walking the dog, dancing, yoga and a bit of running. I enjoy feeling healthier and having more energy. I also bought some new clothes recently as it is so nice that size 14s fit properly instead of bursting out of a 16 and not really admitting to myself I need an 18. I also enjoy eating normally and not worrying about it too much five days a week.

Original poster
cjt110 · 05/12/2017 11:56

Just done the NHS BMI calculator and it's 30.2. It says a healthy weight range for me is between 6 stone 11 and 9 stone 3. It says I should lose 3stone something to be in the middle of my healthy range.

Usernamechecksout I was diagnosed in Jan 15. My levels are ok now after much tinkering. Although I haven't had them checked for a few months.

OP posts:
Original poster
cjt110 · 05/12/2017 11:58

June was my last thyroid check.

OP posts:
ohfortuna · 05/12/2017 12:04

Waist to height ratio is often the better indicator of whether you have too much fat in places where it's most likely to be detrimental to your health ie your midsection
www.health-calc.com/body-composition/waist-to-height-ratio