to tell you that you ruined the carol service

[Starrystar]

Took my Rainbow to a girlguiding carol service tonight, put on for the local community. The Rainbows, Brownies and Guides did really well - sang beautifully and delivered some lovely readings and prayers, but the service was marred, and the girls distracted by approx half a dozen young kids shouting, screaming and complaining. And aside from a bit of half hearted sshhh-ing from parents rolling their eyes in a "oh bless them" sort of way, they were allowed to run amok.

I'm so annoyed - if you cant control your fucking children, take them home.

And breathe.

Sorry that was meant to say "she is only a baby and she would not have done any harm to the pitch"

The main thing is, did your child perform well and are they immensely proud of themselves?

Thing is, no one is twisting anyone's arm to go to a nativity service are they? You know, come and follow the accepted code of behaviour or, if you think that might be too much for your kids, take them to the park or something.

Some parents have really low expectations of their children. I've worked in schools and in most schools the nursery class is occasionally invited to join an assembly. Do the teachers let them run about and scream because they're 3? No, of course not, they expect them to sit still. And most kids that age can when they know it's expected of them. But with their parents they run about as they know their parents don't have the same expectations.

did your child perform well and are they immensely proud of themselves

It's hard to tell the former when you can't hear them. Which means you have to lie to enable the latter.

I agree OP.
There is always at least one who lets their kid run up to the stage/front to "be with their sister/brother bless them" then talk/stand up/sit down/run back and forward to parents etc etc throughout the whole performance. I want to hear the kids who have worked hard do their play/singing not your bloody kid thank you.

I always took mindees to concerts etc if they were on in the day and they usually behaved well if they didnt I left, no-one wants to hear someone elses kid squaking/running around through something they have paid to watch. I feel sorry for the classes who have worked hard to learn something then some child steals the limelight while their parents smile indulgently as they ruin it.

Our primary Xmas services were always fun but that didnt mean kids running up and down the aisles screaming.

Was it a Carol concert or a service? The expected standard in the latter is slightly rowdy IME. Obviously running around destroying stuff isn’t on, but otherwise noise and crying babies to be expected.

"what a Christian attitude grin"

The Guides ditched God in 2013.

Oh come on ... kitsandkids.. 3 year olds don’t go to school.

I went to a service in a Cathedral yesterday and the girl sitting next to me did not stop fidgeting or talking all the way through. "I need a snack, can I go to sleep, I'm going to take my coat off., I'm cold etc. I was to much of a chicken to say anything and it would have looked really obvious if I'd moved. The mum kept telling her to be quiet. She was about 9.

Miss
Kits said they were in school nursery and were invited to assembly sometimes.

Biscuit. The latter comes from within.

They certainly had the preschool class (3 and 4 year olds) at celebration assemblies at my kids' primary. They were all acceptably behaved too. Obviously they may not have brought in the kids who would have found it too much.

3 year olds don’t go to school. Depends on the school, lots of preps start at 3 and lots of state schools have a nursery class attached who will be invited over for special assemblies.

I was about to defend the 'young kids' thinking they were toddlers. I revise my opinion. Not acceptable at 4/5 to behave like that. At a family event like that I think expecting silence is unreasonable, but not children old enough to know better running around a screaming unchecked.

Has Girlguiding ditched God? Our Guides and Brownies say a prayer to God at the end of each session and attend Church Parade monthly?

YANBU OP. Our school's PTA annual carol service is a shocker these days. People treating it like playgroup. Kids of all ages jabbering, shrieking and running around scattering squashed mince pies and spilling cheap squash all the way through instead of sitting down and singing along. It's horrible and we don't go anymore. The carol concerts of my youth were magically reverent for the quiet songs and I actually think it's a genuine shame that kids don't get to experience that sort of atmosphere because they're being allowed to run amok instead.

I hope the Rainbows, Brownies and Guides enjoyed tonight despite the disruption.

The problem with these services is the timing. We just don't go to anything that starts at 4:30pm or later because we have 3DC ages 6 and under. I've successfully made the school change their performances to morning assembly time and it's been a huge success with many more parents attending because they don't have to hire a babysitter for younger children.

YANBU about naughty children though. I have 2 with ASD. It's been hell getting them trained and they are only in 2-3 performances a year. I'm relying on other DC being behavioral models for my ASD DC and when they aren't it makes my life harder.

Notice none of the mums of the darling offspring ever make a comment about why thier children are allowed to run amok ruining these occasions...

YANBU OP

It's definitely become more common over the last probably 10 years or so, to see young kids being allowed to run amok at carol services and even school nativity plays.

I don't know what's changed over the years, but there used to be a lot less of it. I think parents would take the kids outside pretty quickly if they were spoiling the service/play.

Now many hardly bat an eyelid and it's not fair on the kids performing or the parents trying to hear them.

Don't you remember that phase - about 2 or 3yrs old when many kids/toddlers just don't get about being quiet? And if you shush them to try to stop running about they're just more disruptive?
I do feel conscious of my toddler and hope I sense when it's too much and remove her but it's really difficult. Having a larger age gap (eldest 9) and a husband who's largely absent during the week means I just wouldn't see my eldest in stuff if I didn't take the little one.

This type of judgement makes me dread church on sundays more than ever. DD, almost 3, has SEN of some sort (see other woe is me threads) can't manage the 1.5 hrs. She refuses to leave us both or one of us to go to junior church. She dances up the aisle and calls the vicar ' insert colour of surplice fairy man'. We sit her down with the books, sit in the play area, she moves back to taunting the vicar or trying to steal an elderly parishioner's walking stick.

I could cry. Some one went to the kitchen and got her a biscuit last week. A chocolate one. I will employ that next week. And pray fucking harder they are not as judgemental as OP.

I am trying, I know I am not good enough as getting her to sit still. I just hope poor vicar likes his nickname and by going and coaching her she eventually learns to sit still and quiet.

Oh, and do a hard paddington stare at me when DD is in mid flow I will cry at you in shame, frustration and sheer exhaustion.

@justinelibertine you'd be very welcome at our church and a few others I know of round here of varying positions along the evangelical spectrum.
If you don't feel welcome at the one you're going to then try another.
And yy to employing things like choc biscuits, drawing/colouring books, even a tablet with the sound off.

ChameNangerRanger Thanks, that means a lot to me. I am only inflicting her on them eow. The other weeks I go alone at silly o clock for BCP, quicker.
I love my DD and it makes me sad that she can't manage to sit nicely. But what toddler can. And church warden on my side.

Def stuffing her with bics and a tablet. My grandma will not only turn in her grave, but resurrect and bop me one for using such tactics. But needs must.