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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell you that you ruined the carol service

137 replies

Starrystar · 04/12/2017 20:36

Took my Rainbow to a girlguiding carol service tonight, put on for the local community. The Rainbows, Brownies and Guides did really well - sang beautifully and delivered some lovely readings and prayers, but the service was marred, and the girls distracted by approx half a dozen young kids shouting, screaming and complaining. And aside from a bit of half hearted sshhh-ing from parents rolling their eyes in a "oh bless them" sort of way, they were allowed to run amok.

I'm so annoyed - if you cant control your fucking children, take them home.

And breathe.

OP posts:
SirGawain · 04/12/2017 21:33

One wonders why someone so very judgemental is attending church..
Because a church is not a club for saints; it is a hospital for sinners.

ReggaetonLente · 04/12/2017 21:33

For toddlers/pre-schoolers a carol service with readings wouldn't be especially thrilling.

I think that from about 3, kids are old enough to understand that even if something isn't particularly thrilling, they still have to sit quietly and not ruin things for other people, that's life. And if they can't, they get taken out / go home. SEN aside of course.

Sprinklestar · 04/12/2017 21:34

Yanbu, OP. I take one DC (age 6) to things like this but not the other (age 4) as they’re still too young to be able to sit through the whole thing sensibly. Some people are just ignorant. If I were you, I’d raise it with the organizers.

PumpkinPie2016 · 04/12/2017 21:34

YANBU - if you take a young child somewhere and they start causing a disturbance you take them outside.

I only take my DS to messy church and the family crib service as I know he wouldn't be able to manage an event like you describe. Even so, when I take him to family orientated services, I still ensure he sits down and doesn't cause havoc - he can do it for the short period needed. As he gets older he will then be able to do it for longer.

SavoyCabbage · 04/12/2017 21:38

I was at an indoor athletics event a few weeks ago where parents of preschoolers let them race up and down along side the track when people were racing. I was astounded that people thought it was ok.

MaisyPops · 04/12/2017 21:42

I think that from about 3, kids are old enough to understand that even if something isn't particularly thrilling, they still have to sit quietly and not ruin things for other people, that's life. And if they can't, they get taken out / go home. SEN aside of course.
This. ^^
Dare i say it the types of people who say 'awww but kids will be kids' when they are scooting on heelies through busy supermarkets/charging around cafes like it's a playground/ acting up during carol concerts or school performances are usually the types of people who tell teachers their child just happens to be opinionated rude and butting in when nobody asked for it, couldn't help talking in assembly, talks whilst other students share ideas, was only doing something thry shouldn't because they weren't engaged etc.
And they probably turn into people who are loud during the theatre, sit on their phones at the cinema etc.

DancingOnParsnips · 04/12/2017 21:50

I really can't understand why more young families don't attend church Hmm witch

steppemum · 04/12/2017 21:58

Can I just say that this is a Rainbows and Brownie event, for Christmas, and as such is really not about Christianity or church going etc etc, it is about a club putting on something for parents.

For what it is worth, nearly every church I know has no problem with kids being lively during the songs, but then they have creche and Sunday school so that the kids don't have to be in the service in the parts where they would be expected to be quiet.

On th eother hand, most of them have microphones, so it wouldn't matter if a child was noisy, a pity they didn't use them for the Rainbows and Brownies.

MaisyPops · 04/12/2017 21:59

DancingOnParsnips
There is a massive difference between kids being kids and kids being badly behaved whilst their parents go 'awww' and do nothing.

Whether it is church, a school concert or any other similar event it's not asking a lot to expect parents to parent.

If you go to a carol concert to watch your child, you don't want it ruining because someone else can't be bothered to tell thwir child to behave

At our church we do family friendly services, kids go out to sunday school groups, when they're in the main service you'll see them colouring or playing quietly with some toys, you'll hear babies laughing, kids learning to speak mimiking the minister, you'll have crying babies (and parents will take them out if it's so loud others can't hear), parenta get up and take kids to the toilet, one morning a child was crawling around pushing their new toy car. Nobody minds low key family noise or parents keeping their children engaged.

People would mind if a parent allowed their child to run riot through the service and sat nack and watched. It has nothing to do with it being church and everything to do with thr parent being rude.

ObscuredbyFog · 04/12/2017 22:01

Some parents genuinely need a 'How to behave and how we expect you to allow your non-participating children to behave at this event' factsheet beforehand with the additional note that non-compliance and disruption will mean they will be asked to leave.

Only1scoop · 04/12/2017 22:03

Yanbu

Drives me mad

TinklyLittleLaugh · 04/12/2017 22:04

Well at our church we have a nice little area stocked with books and toys, behind glass doors but with the service piped in. If kids are struggling with the service their parents can take them in and they can still see and hear what is going on without being too disruptive.

Sadly, at our extremely child friendly interactive Christingle some kids were still a bit rowdier than is acceptable. Parents didn't remove them to nice little area either.

We sucked it up.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 04/12/2017 22:08

And the four or five year olds behind me were scoffing quavers or something. Really? Can your kid not go an hour without eating? Is feeding them when they are bored really a good choice?

Julie8008 · 04/12/2017 22:08

I thought religious services were meant to be solemn, not fun.
I guess that's why so few people go to church.

hesterton · 04/12/2017 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

50ShadesOfEarlGrey · 04/12/2017 22:11

A couple of years ago I went to the towns annual carol service. It had always been a beautiful occasion and my DD, for first time was singing solo to start the service and then playing solo flute later on. Directly in front of me was a family with a child about 4/5 years, his behaviour was horrendous - kicking the pew, running up and down the pew over everyone. hanging over the back of the pew hitting me on the head. Throwing hymn books etc. Everyone was tutting, mother just ignored, constantly texting. Eventually I asked if he could stop and he was sat down for five minutes. He then got back up and we had the same behaviour. Very nicely I explained that no one could hear and the mother told me to fuck off and her kid could behave how he liked and she would be happy to take me outside if I carried on moaning. At least 30 people had their evening ruined for the sake of one mother and her child, some people left early because they couldn’t stand it any longer, the church was packed so we couldn’t move. I understand he could have SEN, but frankly she just didn’t give a damn about him or the effect he was having on others. I don’t blame the OP for not raising the issue at the time, I was really upset by the response I got and wouldn’t intervene if in that situation again.

Whoyagonna · 04/12/2017 22:11

The only parent raptured by their child, is the one whose child is on the stage. Nobody cared it was your kid up there. They are just about bearable when your own kid is in it. I'm an adult. A five year old sitting through an hour of that? Yup. I'd go haywire too if I was five.

GoldenWondering · 04/12/2017 22:11

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Xihha · 04/12/2017 22:15

Our carol service at the weekend was the same. Children's nativity with younger siblings invited to join in, tables of colouring and toys out at the back yet there were still kids running up and down the aisle screeching! More annoying though was the parent who sat in the reserved seating behind me and the rainbows, despite being asked to move, and totally ignored their 3yo pulling my hair and then got arsey when I turned round and said 'please stop pulling my hair, it hurts.' we'd sang 2 carols in that time, there had been plenty of opportunity for them to do some parenting.

DancesWithOtters · 04/12/2017 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iBiscuit · 04/12/2017 22:23

Nobody cared it was your kid up there

Bollocks.

There are plenty of people who have enough respect for others, including their own children, that they go to the bother of doing actual parenting (eg teaching their children not to be dicks).

If your five year old is bored and it's beyond you to teach them to suck it up out of respect for others, take them somewhere else.

MulhuddartDrive · 04/12/2017 22:26

We had brownie enrollment ruined by 4 siblings last week, running round the hall, playing chasing, as the brownies were being enrolled. I don't know if they had sn but the two siblings I do know have sn, sat like statues for the 15 minutes required. I couldn't see who their parents were, but I asked them directly to be quiet twice. I was Grumpy Owl that night.

Cabininthewoods69 · 04/12/2017 22:27

That's horrible. The kids put effort into it and the parents couldn't be respectful enough to take the loud kids out or make them behave. I'd be fuming

Dippydippydora · 04/12/2017 22:29

Sound like the parent at a cricket match that DH was playing in that let their baby crawl right over the boundary rope. The umpire stopped the match as the baby was literally half way to the wicket and asked the parent to come and get the baby.

She looked most put out and actually said "it's only a baby, she would. It have done any harm to the pitch" HmmHmm
When the umpire had composed himself he pointed out the danger was actually the very hard cricket ball being batted around the outfield at high speed and the players running after it. She actually stormed off saying "it's only a baby and I they should encourage families of the apposing team to come and watch" HmmHmm. She got in a car and left
No one on the opposite team actually admitted being with her but someone must have been

BadLad · 04/12/2017 22:29

Bible ping pong sounds very exciting.

It's just about the only thing mine was ever used for. You need hardback bibles, of course.