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AIBU?

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Original poster

Meghan and Harry don't look right together

367 replies

bungle99 · 04/12/2017 18:32

I was in small shop earlier with only 4 of us in their. I am a regular customer.
I heard a member of staff who was serving another customer talking about Meghan and Harry and staff member said they don't really look right together and that she's not an English Rose like Kate Middleton. I was really shocked by this because 1) that people of my generation actually think like this (middle age) 2) that she admitted this view out loud knowing i could actually hear it (i'm not white). I was only 3 feet away.

AIBU to think that this was a racist comment and that most white people do not think like this ? Please restore my faith Mumsnet.

OP posts:
FlowerPot1234 · 04/12/2017 19:58

GingerbreadMa Are you able to answer my questions to you, using your own words and clear reasoning, rather than posting other people's articles which are predicated on some absolutely bizarre positions.

dangermouse7 · 04/12/2017 20:01

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Original poster
bungle99 · 04/12/2017 20:01

lying I really don't understand what you are talking about with suggesting that I just want to spread racist crap. Are you suggesting that I have made up the whole thing and just wanted to spread offensive racist comments?

Referring you to Nxy1 post questioning you. Thank you Nxy1

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 04/12/2017 20:02

The person who made that comment is racist, without a doubt op.

Harry and Meghan make a very attractive couple indeed. Which is, I suspect, why there are so many “they will have beautiful babies” comments. Not because of their mixed race relatioship but because they are attractive and attractive people tend to have attractive children. People make comments about white couples having “beautiful babies” too, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (who did in fact), Mark Wright and Michelle Keegan etc

GingerbreadMa · 04/12/2017 20:03

FlowerPot I have answered your "questions" several times over.

BE.CAUSE.THE.PEOPLE.DESCRIBED.THAT.WAY.DONT.LIKE.BEING.DESCRIBED.THAT.WAY.

And that trumps people who ARENT described that way saying that THEY think its an okay way to describe people

Formalyknownas99 · 04/12/2017 20:06

I want to add something intelligent and be part of this discussion that supports the OP and maybe educates others...but my brain is fried and the thread is only 130ish posts long.
It’s like racism bingo;
Only PoC see racism in everything...check
Black/brown babies are beautiful...check
They will have beautiful babies...check
The lovely hair comment is as annoying as people wanting to touch my hair/braids/weave depending on how I’m styling it that day.
Or when people speak to me and say I’m “not like the others” cos I talk like they do (with a London accent)
Or when the fostering/adoption representatives got all excited and said “Mmmm you and your husband tick a lot of boxes...there are lots of mixed race babies for you to have”
I will continue to read this thread from a distance (until it turns nasty) through my fingers!Hmm
Mr (white) and Mrs (black) Formalyknownas99Halo
X

dangermouse7 · 04/12/2017 20:06

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Goshthatwentwell · 04/12/2017 20:06

I don't think it's about race so much as culture. If Justin Beiber was marrying her no one would make an issue over her heritage.
I think it's like Trump and his Estern European wives. It just invites comment.

FlowerPot1234 · 04/12/2017 20:08

GingerbreadMa

FlowerPot I have answered your "questions" several times over.

Let me check.. no... no, you most certainly did not.

BE.CAUSE.THE.PEOPLE.DESCRIBED.THAT.WAY.DONT.LIKE.BEING.DESCRIBED.THAT.WAY.

That circular statement doesn't even begin to answer any question I asked you.

If I say Hello to somebody, and they don't like me saying it, their not liking me saying it does not make my Hello suddenly transform into whatever the other person chooses to think. Hello doesn't suddenly become offensive, patronising, dehumanising just because the person I said Hello to has chosen in their mind to believe it is.

You don't appear to understand this very basic fact.

Clearly you don't actually have any reasoning to your statements, claims or offence-taking. I've given you two chances now. I understand.

dangermouse7 · 04/12/2017 20:10

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RestingGrinchFace · 04/12/2017 20:13

It may have not necessarily been a race thing-she's hardly an English rose in any respect. Poor old Harry doesn't exactly cone across as the princely type himself. And yet people have become accustomed to him, I am sure that they will get used to her too. I doubt either of them really care what the lady at the shop said anyway.

dangermouse7 · 04/12/2017 20:13

My friend gets comments on her very fair skin, and light blonde hair... many positive ones...

(you look like a little China doll, must be your Irish and Scandinavian roots!)

And similar comments.

She is never ever ever offended. Ever.

whiteroseredrose · 04/12/2017 20:21

How are they getting around the fact that she's divorced? I thought C of E wouldn't let divorcees marry in Church.

Dustbunny1900 · 04/12/2017 20:22

I thought the problem was more a euro-centric ideal of beauty? The whole "English rose, blond hair blue eyes, thin high bridge nose, straight shiny hair, light skin etc" features commonly found in anglos?
I'm not a poc, so it's just a question

Clafoutis · 04/12/2017 20:28

So, it's ok to say to a woman in a board meeting or social setting, "you have beautiful round breasts"? It's a compliment, no? No harm meant? Except everyone turns their head to look at said breasts and it differentiates you from allnthe non breasted people there. You don't feel remarkable, you're just you, except no one else seems to think so. You're boiled down to being a woman with breasts. It hits a similar nerve. The idea that women are reduced constantly to their sexual attractiveness, they are most notable for their looks than their intelligence or personality. And the "black babies are so adorable!" comment is the same. People being reduced down to thier status as black people, not just people. It 'others' them and makes them seem like exotic specimens and white people as the normal, regular people. And their is a whole history attached to this second class status where people were treated badly simply because of those same features that people seem to think are 'cute' now. It's not necessarily the comment in isolation, it's the wearing down, everyday drudge of being seen as different, exotic or not normal. It's the whole baggage it brings with it.

dangermouse7 · 04/12/2017 20:43

So, it's ok to say to a woman in a board meeting or social setting, "you have beautiful round breasts"

Oh for fuck's sake! Hmm

GottaGetThisDone · 04/12/2017 20:46

I haven't RTFT so don't know if I am repeating anything someone has already said but every time I see Meghan Merkle I think is looks just like Pippa Middleton

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 04/12/2017 20:47

I can't be arsed to scroll back through 7 pages to cross-reference who said "they'll have beautiful babies!" against who defended the view that mixed race babies are always beautiful - but it has been defended as such and so it's not much use claiming "some people see racism everywhere, obviously the comment only meant they're both good looking so they'll make attractive babies" now. Hmm

If those who first posted "they'll have lovely babies!" didn't mean "because mixed race babies are all lovely!", they chose a pretty unfortunate comment to make, because it is a horribly common sentiment. I have mixed race children, I hear it a lot. It's gross. Firstly because it randomly exoticises and devalues the children themselves; secondly because it's the other side of a coin which reviles blackness and approves of how our children have the 'best of both worlds', just the right amount of curl to their hair, just the right medium shade of brown, nothing too black or too afro etc about them. Yuck.

ErmagherdWerfWerfs · 04/12/2017 20:48

They look adorable together. I suppose being blissfully happy and in love helps 😍

She looks a lot like my DIL.

GottaGetThisDone · 04/12/2017 20:51

*she looks just like

RoseWhiteTips · 04/12/2017 20:54

He is not handsome. The ginger gene is quite a prospect.

dangermouse7 · 04/12/2017 20:54

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Bubblebubblepop · 04/12/2017 20:55

Many years ago I read an article in the national geographic which looked at what we find attractive and why. Obviously there are many reasons why humans find e.g. shiny hair attractive and acne unattractive.

Nature doesn't bring an attractiveness judgement- acne is just acne- but humans do. Generally based on survival and health.

Finding a mate is obviously a big part of this, and we are designed to find things attractive that suggest a good mate.

The article suggested that the reason people find mixed race people attractive (and that's any mix of races, not the black/ white mix we predominately refer to in the UK) is that finding a mate that looks least like us is sensible to avoid in-breeding (probably going back to ancient times when tribes or isolated villages would have to have a few incomers in each generation to avoid dying out)

Anyway. I do believe humans genuinely find mixed race people attractive on the whole, as opposed to being patronising or attempting or homogenise all mixed race people.

dangermouse7 · 04/12/2017 20:55

Harry is not handsome? Well I think he is! It's subjective!

InspMorse · 04/12/2017 21:00

I haven't a clue ... I thought she was American FGS?
I'm going to have to google her now to see what the hooha is about.

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