Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Lodger' stressing me out

279 replies

pollyerrington · 04/12/2017 15:50

Hi, I've recently taken on a lodger. Lodger being the ultimate word - I was hoping for less of a housemate, and more of someone that keeps themselves to themselves.

When I interviewed him he mentioned having a TV in his room and a big comfy chair - great I thought, he'll definitely be in his room mostly.

EVERY night he's in my small sitting room. And he's been using my throw without asking me - so I felt I had to get him one to stop him using mine. I came home to him wrapped up in it watching sports on tv. He didn't once ask if I'd like to watch something else.

He makes tea every 20 minutes and uses multiple mugs - and leaves them on the side unwashed.
The worst thing though is that he sits in the sitting room and eats his food and does it with his mouth open. It makes me want to leave the room, the noise is honestly so horrible, and then he slurps his tea.

I had a date night the other night (clearly said it a couple of times) but he stayed in the sitting room whilst we had our date night!

I want to talk to him later to explain that I advertised for a lodger, not a housemate, and that I'd like him in the sitting room less.

Is that fair? and how do I go about saying it?! I don't want to be passive aggressive....
TIA.

OP posts:
dangermouse7 · 04/12/2017 21:41

the ops problem appears to have stemmed from an unclear contract initially

@Julie 8008

Partly yes, but mostly because OP has allowed it to happen, has never said anything, sat in the room watching the TV with him, even bought him a throw to snuggle up and be cozy while watching the TV. If I was a lodger I would assume the landlady was very happy with me in the living room.

EXACTLY! The OP has really brought all this on herself, and has no right to complain now.

As I said, if you don't want the company of strangers, don't have a damn lodger. Not that difficult to work out is it FFS?!

KarmaStar · 04/12/2017 21:46

Hi

I feel for you,it's difficult enough sharing your home when a loved one moves in,with a stranger it must be very difficult.
I'd sit down and agree on some house rules.
If you can't agree and this is something you cannot tolerate,you'll have to give him notice and then be very clear to prospective Dodgers on use of rooms and belongings,cleaning etc.
Good luck🌻

GrandDesespoir · 04/12/2017 22:18

Lodger being the ultimate word...

In the sentence, "I want someone who will give me extra money every month for staying in my home, but I don't actually want a lodger"? Hmm

stitchglitched · 04/12/2017 22:28

You can want a lodger without wanting a rude messy inconsiderate one.

Jux · 04/12/2017 23:51

Just give him notice. You’re not going to be able to sort it out now, and you know how messy he is and how many cups he’s going to use every day, unless you’re prepared to lock all except one of each type of crockery and cutlery..... and that way lies madness!

GabsAlot · 05/12/2017 00:02

peng

that sounds lik my dsis ll

moans about no room anywhr moans, whn someones in th bathroom, moans when washing is on

think she just does it for th money but gt anothr job or somthing dont move peopl in then moan about it

OhNoOhNo · 05/12/2017 00:02

OP, get rid of him. He sounds an entitled, messy twat. Used mugs everywhere? Urgh!

TitaniasCloset · 05/12/2017 00:16

You should have spelt this out right at the beginning, "I'm sorry but I do the living room as my space, I'm happy for you to use it when I'm not here, but really I'm not looking for a housemate or to share the common spaces mutually".

No matter you will have to tell him now and be very firm and very clear as he seems to have a problem with social skills and boundaries, I mean who the hell hangs about like gooseberry on a frigging date night?

If you don't deal with this now it's going to end up with you skulking off to your room when your friends come round just to get some privacy.

I have had lodgers for years and my friend who advised the above speach when I first advertised has had lodgers for decades. It is not normal for the lodger to hang about in your living room unless they have been invited in, especially if you have guests.

TitaniasCloset · 05/12/2017 00:20

Yes to this:
"

Yes. In my area a lodging would be around £400/month, inclusive of all bills. A two bed flat would rent for approx £900-1000/month PLUS council tax (c. £130) PLUS gas/elec (c. £80) PLUS water/sewage (c.£40) PLUS broadband/line rental (c.£20)
"

A lodger is not a housemate.

Addictedtothisbloodyforum · 05/12/2017 00:20

YABU I'm afraid ! It's his home too if he is paying you

TitaniasCloset · 05/12/2017 00:24

No it's not his home. And legally he ends up with more rights and will be harder to evict if he uses shared spaces. He is not paying enough for it to be his home, he is renting a room in her home. He doesn't seem to understand that.

thecatneuterer · 05/12/2017 00:31

And legally he ends up with more rights and will be harder to evict if he uses shared spaces.

That probably wins the prize for the most incorrect 'legal' advice I've ever seen on this site!

Lodger have almost no legal rights. The only time a lodger can have rights is when they share no space at all with the LL except for an entrance hall. Then it can be argued that they are renting a separate space and are so tenants not lodgers. It's a grey area though. So not only was that statement wrong - it is the complete opposite of what is actually the case.

MakeMisogynyAHateCrime · 05/12/2017 00:38

So what are you going to do OP?

TitaniasCloset · 05/12/2017 00:56

Oh ok my mistake, sorry OP.

StarWarsFanatic · 05/12/2017 01:03

Someone I have known for over a decade shouted at me for chewing gum with my mouth open the other day, it was a one-off but he really lost it. I am now really conscious of my chewing misses point

Brandbrandbrandy · 05/12/2017 01:07

Where is the Op?

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/12/2017 02:04

Brandy
Probably scared off by people spouting bollocks like shs wants to rent the room out but doesn’t want it to be used, how she bought him a throw and his she didn’t specify any common rooms when she clearly stated use of rooms such as the kitchen were detailed. Talk about twisting the facts to fit your agenda

CaretakerToNuns · 05/12/2017 02:57

YANBU.

Lodgers are meant to keep to themselves - stay in their bedrooms, only use the kitchen and bathroom during designated times.

If I were you I'd kick the cunt out and find someone who'd actually respect the rules, preferably a female lodger.

Remember that it's your home, not his.

Fintons · 05/12/2017 03:16

Providing that contract stating he has use of his room plus kitchen only is legal (which I presume it is) then of course YANBU and I don't understand why you'd need to ask?

I do think that allowing him to sometimes use the living room with such a contact muddies the waters.

SmartyPants0 · 05/12/2017 05:01

I asked for some advice here recently about getting a lodger and can happily say I've got a good one :) Boundaries were put in place from early on and it's working well.
He makes me a cup of tea before he leaves for work most mornings ☺... we often cook for each other... he uses my washing powder, fabric conditioner, shampoo herb/spices etc which was all discussed when he moved in.
He does spend a lot of time in his room working as he has a demanding job but knows he's free to use the lounge whenever he wants. I think what I'm trying to say is that it can work and the money comes in handy 😊

December11 · 05/12/2017 09:46

I'd speak to him to reset boundaries. If no improvement I'd give him notice.

innagazing · 05/12/2017 13:31

Polly
You say he has only recently moved in. So have a conversation with him! Tell him you need to have a chat with him, show him the contract and that it doesn't include use of the lounge. Say you understand that he hasn't realised this, and that you've allowed him to continue to use it, to see if it was something that you could get used to. Now you've tried it, you know it's not working for you. Then tell him he's free to move out if he wants to, but if he want's to stay, then he also has to wash up and clear up after himself. Job done! It's really not difficult...

Original poster
pollyerrington · 05/12/2017 15:04

Lodger has access to a dining room, and bathroom. The sitting room seems small as it has big sofas and coffee table, tv, chair and log burner. The bedroom is a very big double room. The lodger made out he’d be in there a lot when I interviewed him.

I tried to talk to him yesterday but he ironically didn’t come home. I have my date night tonight, so I’m prepa I’ve sent him a polite message and taken full responsibility for not being clear enough from the start - even though the contract states his room is his accommodation.

He’s also been leaving his dark wee unflushed in the loo :(

OP posts:
twofingerstoEverything · 05/12/2017 15:06

Just give him notice. He clearly has no boundaries. Unflushed toilets. Yuk.

Original poster
pollyerrington · 05/12/2017 15:07

Oh and I’ve said he can use the living room when I’m out for the evening or day.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread