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Original poster

'Lodger' stressing me out

279 replies

pollyerrington · 04/12/2017 15:50

Hi, I've recently taken on a lodger. Lodger being the ultimate word - I was hoping for less of a housemate, and more of someone that keeps themselves to themselves.

When I interviewed him he mentioned having a TV in his room and a big comfy chair - great I thought, he'll definitely be in his room mostly.

EVERY night he's in my small sitting room. And he's been using my throw without asking me - so I felt I had to get him one to stop him using mine. I came home to him wrapped up in it watching sports on tv. He didn't once ask if I'd like to watch something else.

He makes tea every 20 minutes and uses multiple mugs - and leaves them on the side unwashed.
The worst thing though is that he sits in the sitting room and eats his food and does it with his mouth open. It makes me want to leave the room, the noise is honestly so horrible, and then he slurps his tea.

I had a date night the other night (clearly said it a couple of times) but he stayed in the sitting room whilst we had our date night!

I want to talk to him later to explain that I advertised for a lodger, not a housemate, and that I'd like him in the sitting room less.

Is that fair? and how do I go about saying it?! I don't want to be passive aggressive....
TIA.

OP posts:
RhiannonOHara · 05/12/2017 15:14

If I were you I'd kick the cunt out and find someone who'd actually respect the rules, preferably a female lodger.

That's quite harsh. He's not a cunt; he just hasn't had the deal explained clearly to him, as the OP acknowledges.

And a woman isn't necessarily going to be different or better. Hmm

Good luck, OP.

SukiTheDog · 05/12/2017 15:21

I think OP, that saying he can use the living room when you’re out will cause confusion for you both. If he’s sat in there watching a film and you come home, what’s he supposed to do? Get up and leave?

I’d be really specific about boundaries and flushing the loo/typing up. That way, there’s no ambiguity 😊

DarkNightDelight · 05/12/2017 15:23

I once took a lodger and had the same problems, she would never wash her dishes and would leave them on the kitchen side, I started washing them because I couldn't stand the mess BlushHmm

I rented on the hope she's hardly be there (as she had said so) but she was in the living room every night watching tv and I felt really awkward.

It was her home too and I was glad she felt comfortable, she only stayed 6 months and I've never had a lodger since lol I need my space.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/12/2017 15:35

Ewww not flushing. Fine if it’s his own home/not sharing and he wants to let it mellow.

I also think giving partial living room access is confusing. It’s unfair to kick him out when you arrive home. Did you say this in writing? Did you say this before he moved in?

Popchyk · 05/12/2017 15:59

Okay, so you've sent the text. So now he knows. One more slip and he's gone.

Just be aware that Christmas is coming and he will find it hard to view places for a week or two around that time, so looks he'll be there until January at least. I honestly wouldn't want to be spending Christmas with him hanging around. Has he mentioned what he is doing for Christmas?

In your situation, I'd honestly look to be giving him a couple of weeks notice at the end of this week. That gives him time to get sorted before Christmas.

ivykaty44 · 05/12/2017 16:04

This is why my bedroom is a sanctuary, if I’ve had enough of the lodger I can go to my room and also turn the heating down.

I always state I’ll leave you to clear up and leave the room as I would - the dishes are always stacked and room left tidy.

Only once did they leave stuff out and I explained that his mum wasn’t here and I’m certainly not doing it unless I upped his rent by 50%

It never happened again

But he does touch my stuff

Jaxhog · 05/12/2017 17:52

I advertised for a lodger and the contract he signs states that he is paying for rent of a room only with full use of the kitchen
This seems pretty clear to me. He doesn't have use of the rest of your house. If he doesn't like it, or won't respect it, give him notice to leave. I would also assume that he uses his own utensils and cups in the kitchen - and washes them after use (or stores the dirty stuff in his room).

RideOn · 05/12/2017 18:16

The eating with his mouth open sounds the worst bit! If only you could get someone to eat a sandwich in an shared accommodation interview, just to check they don't do this!

jeanc · 05/12/2017 18:59

Hi

Myself and my daughter have always had lodgers in the house ( single parent) but I spell out the terms on the phone before I even agree to interview them as it is our family home. They have use of the kitchen/diner which is large and the downstairs bathroom where their large room is. The upstairs floor is our space and it includes our living room/study and another bathroom and I do not show them it when they visit. I also talk about it being our family home and that any overnight guests have to be negotiated in advance and that there is a limit on the number of nights that anyone can stay - the low rent for the area in London and the largeness of the room compared to other accommodation is something for them to weigh up against that as a family home it is far more restrictive than a flatshare. It suits some people and not others - we have had some great lodgers who have stayed for over a year and been respectful and excellent - the key thing is to talk about it all beforehand.

manicmij · 05/12/2017 19:05

My idea of a lodger is that you share your public rooms and provide meals. Seems the guy knows what it's about and you don't.

NotCitrus · 05/12/2017 19:26

That's not the legal definition manicmij, and not what's in this guy's contract!

I've had lodgers. Free to use kitchen-diner, bathrooms, have nice bedroom, but lounge and other bedrooms are off limits except by invitation. Works fine on the whole - after living with someone for a year or more you get more relaxed.

perfectstorm · 05/12/2017 20:01

My idea of a lodger is that you share your public rooms and provide meals. Seems the guy knows what it's about and you don't

If you provide meals, then they're a boarder and not a lodger, surely?

I agree that it's usual to share the sitting room, though. OP it sounds to me like it just isn't working out for whatever reason - the slovenly approach to a kitchen share would put me off, as that's disrespectful all by itself. I'd make an excuse and ask him to move out, tbh. That's the main benefit to a lodger arrangement. If it doesn't work, then you can ask them to leave. As you've had good experiences before, it sounds like either a personality clash or he's not nice to live with. Doesn't matter which, given it's your home.

Passenger42 · 05/12/2017 20:07

Your on a loser here. I have had loads of lodgers and they all want to use the sitting room. I have also had to serve a few notice as we just didn't hit it off. The one's who went away to see family and friends at the weekend were the best. . Maybe install a dishwasher with the first months rent and avoid those who are new to the area as that just means I am Billy no mates and will be sitting in with you every night.

SherbrookeFosterer · 05/12/2017 21:06

I would say you are not suited to being a landlady and you should consider another method of making money.

I was the same when I had a lodger for a while. I actually kicked him out for going to the bathroom and not washing his hands. He thought it was because I am planning to sell.

My personal space is valuable, as I suspect yours is from your post.

dustyparadeground · 05/12/2017 21:15

We've rented out rooms for 3 years and unfortunately had all sorts. The best ones are out at work or study all day Mon to Fri and out again at the weekend socialising. The worst ones are stay at homes who get under your feet and on your nerves. In the end we had to be clear with the latter: basically we expect you to be "out" unless the weather is terrible of course.

grannieali · 05/12/2017 23:33

I had several lodgers in my small hree bedroom ed cottage with one living/dining room.
I made a point of furnishing the room with a decent TV desk with storage, easy chair, large mirror, large plastic box so that food was not left around. I made a point of letting only to working people so they were out in the day time and not using electricity and gas. I had a nice relationship with all the lodgers. I made one mistake in letting to another retired teacher while she waited to buy a property. She was in all day using a lot of heating in my living room and watching my TV. It may seem unwelcoming, but start with the way you mean to go on.

Madwoman5 · 05/12/2017 23:42

Bin him and find a lodger that either:
Works nights
Is a weekday stayer and goes home at weekends

riceuten · 06/12/2017 01:22

Interesting

I have been both sides of this, and it's a real toughie. I can see it from both perspectives. Someone hanging around like Banquo's Ghost looking for an off the peg social life vs a landlady who doesn't actually want someone to actually live there, just give them money.

It's sadly not often made clear at the start of a tenancy (or in the case of a lodger, a licence) which parts of the house are "out of bounds". I would certainly baulk at being restricted to solely my bedroom the kitchen, and the toilet, but would accept it if it were at a discount from a place where facilities were more shared.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 06/12/2017 07:49

A friend has lodgers. They stay in their rooms, are professionals and go home at the weekend. You may need to be more specific. I think my friend would have a fit if she came home to find her lodgers wrapped in her throw watching sport. However she did have to explain what was included as this did happen with one who thought it was OK to use the lounge.

SukiTheDog · 06/12/2017 07:58

I’m torn on this. Lodging must feel to some, like they never have a “home”. That at the weekends, they’re expected to leave their “home”, are not welcome and should go elsewhere. I’m all for rules ie. Lean up, keep the bathroom tidy, don’t use my stuff and flush the loo but I’m beginning to think some people, and certainly the OP want the cash.. .but want the person to NOT be there.

expatinscotland · 06/12/2017 08:01

Wow, ever thought for some lodgers, the place they are paying money for is their home?

SukiTheDog · 06/12/2017 08:03

And Dusty, your lodgers must have felt like homeless people... nomads. My mum had lodgers in the 80’s or else we’d have lost our home, post divorce. It was difficult but I hope we didn’t give off “you are NOT welcome” vibes.

SukiTheDog · 06/12/2017 08:04

“Exactly Expat. Bloody awful people who as I say, want the cash but don’t want Stranger in their home. Dont do it then. If my son was ever in this position, I’d weep.

MrsCrabbyTree · 06/12/2017 08:14

It is hard, very hard to share your space with a stranger. You know ... all that compromising becomes a drag doesn't it?

I've been in both positions as a house sharer. The greatest challenge for me was the ones who never went out, even to work - felt as though I couldn't breathe having someone underfoot 24/7, even though they were very nice people.

When I was the sharee, in someone else's house, I left as they were filthy pigs but once again they were lovely people.

Takes a while to find someone who fits you, your house and your routine, let alone personality. AND pays their bills on time.

OhNoOhNo · 06/12/2017 08:17

He’s also been leaving his dark wee unflushed in the loo

He has no respect for you. Why won't you serve him notice to leave?

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