'Lodger' stressing me out

[pollyerrington]

Hi, I've recently taken on a lodger. Lodger being the ultimate word - I was hoping for less of a housemate, and more of someone that keeps themselves to themselves.

When I interviewed him he mentioned having a TV in his room and a big comfy chair - great I thought, he'll definitely be in his room mostly.

EVERY night he's in my small sitting room. And he's been using my throw without asking me - so I felt I had to get him one to stop him using mine. I came home to him wrapped up in it watching sports on tv. He didn't once ask if I'd like to watch something else.

He makes tea every 20 minutes and uses multiple mugs - and leaves them on the side unwashed.
The worst thing though is that he sits in the sitting room and eats his food and does it with his mouth open. It makes me want to leave the room, the noise is honestly so horrible, and then he slurps his tea.

I had a date night the other night (clearly said it a couple of times) but he stayed in the sitting room whilst we had our date night!

I want to talk to him later to explain that I advertised for a lodger, not a housemate, and that I'd like him in the sitting room less.

Is that fair? and how do I go about saying it?! I don't want to be passive aggressive....
TIA.

No legal waters muddied, just OP struggling to assert herself to someone with a bit of a brass neck. She needs to tell him that as per the contract he signed, he has use of bedroom/bathroom and kitchen only and to please stop using the living room. He doesn't get to claim squatters right and keep using it, and lodgers can be evicted very easily.

It is precarious being a lodger

Who cares what he thinks? He is welcome to move out if he doesn't like it, he sounds like the lodger from hell anyway.

We had a lodger at (now) DH’s when we were dating but mainly living at mine. The lodger has a hissy fit when we turned up with out checking with him in advance. It made us laugh!

Oh well, if he doesn't like it he can look elsewhere.

@Pengggwn thanks, I am very charming :-) So kind of you to notice!

Less charming to CF who spout shit they know nothing about "signed my rental agreement, want a rent reduction, chunter chunter chunter"

Yeah, jog on mate. Here's your notice. Do one.

In my (admittedly long ago) experience of actually being a lodger, can I suggest OP that you are obviously not weird enough? Both the landladies I had were desperately keen for me to effectively be their live-in friends, but they were both so odd I used to hide in my room. Especially the one who let me eat out of the dog bowl (it was a normal China cereal bowl) without telling me (not envy) I only realised the next day when I saw the dog using it. That one also used to balance tins of food on the top of my allocated cupboard so when I opened the door they fell on my head

I agree that I wouldn't have known there was a 'difference' between a lodger and a housemate, and if I rented somewhere would expect to have access to all 'common' rooms. Even if it says in the contract 'his room plus full use of kitchen' that doesn't necessarily make it obvious he can't use the living room - bathroom/hallway/garden etc. also aren't specified there but presumably he can use those?

From his point of view he has no idea he's doing anything wrong because you haven't told him ! Presumably he's not psychic!

On the other hand, if that's what you want, fair enough. You need to explain this to him though - clearly! Don't say you don't mind him using it occasionally because it muddies the waters - just say as per the contract he is renting his room and has use of the kitchen (and bathroom etc if relevant) however you don't want him using the sitting room, etc. If he is happy with it you can continue, if not he can give you his 1 month or whatever notice and leave.

It's your house you shouldn't feel uncomfortable in it - but equally he shouldn't be expected to psychically know "the rules" if they haven't been specified. Even if you think some are common decency - people have different ideas of what is normal/dirty/appropriate.

Slightlyperturbed has a point. Maybe you need more cats? Or make it very clear that date night was taking place in the lounge

I think you will find it hard though to get a lodger who will just stay in their room all the time.

When I was lodging it was a stopgap before getting a place by myself. I had a decent sized room with a TV & vastly preferred being in there to having to be sociable with my landlady.

The lodger is the one being unreasonable. He knows what agreement he signed and is trying his luck, maybe hoping that the OP will be too embarrassed or uncomfortable to say anything. He wants the benefits of an equal houseshare (or even being the one dominating the space) without bearing the same financial cost or responsibility. Live in landlords do have the right to evict easily and you would get nowhere demanding your right to continue using a living room that isn't in your agreement.

It sounds as if you need to ask him to leave. We've had a few lodgers and it only works if they fit into your home. This one clearly doesn't. It's hard to deal with but it'll only get worse if you don't deal with it in that neither of you will feel comfortable with the arrangement.

It depends on the housing options where OP lives. I was only a lodger once when I was desperate to find somewhere to live. If there is a real shortage of accommodation, or the room is cheap enough, OP will find a lodger.

In terms of notice, it depends on the type of contract and what the contract says.

I'd say renting a room where it states you have a bedroom, and use of kitchen and bathroom means you don't have use of the living room. Or else it would have been included in the list. A flat share or house share means that. You share the house or flat and have access to all rooms except other folks bedrooms. Lodger is different. It's room plus whatever specified.

Tbh OP I would give him notice now. He sounds like a nightmare to live with and you are going to end up being the one with use of bedroom only whilst paying the mortgage and bills on the whole house.

This is not a house share. It's not a flatmate. It's a lodger. A lodger is meant to keep to themselves. I rented around for over ten years and a lodger is not a housemate or a house share... otherwise it would have been advertised as such. I would give him notice, end of. He sounds like a right t i t eating like that... I would have thrown him out there and then to be honest. Don't come into my house and eat like a (insert what you like). He needs to find a flat share and get a flatmate and go bug them.

House mate / lodger I dont think are specific legal terms. Imo they are the same thing. You have a contract and you should have spelt out in black and white what the terms of the agreement were.

It sounds like he has every right to use the sitting room, and make as many cups of tea as he wants. Do not renew his contract if you dont like him or renegotiate it. YABU

At least read the OP's posts Julie.

I did stitchglitched

Julie
No he doesn’t have every right to use the sitting room. It’s not specified as a common room in the contract.

But the OP has let him use the room.