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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should get the tickets

108 replies

Nicpem1982 · 01/12/2017 21:15

When we picked up dd from mils today she informed us that she had bought 2 tickets for dds nativity play today for fil and mil and there was a letter in dds bag.

Letter states that due to theatre size that only 2 tickets per child are allowed and if you require extra tickets you can join a spares list

Mil thinks that they should get tickets and won't give them us as they do majority of pick ups however me and dh have booked date off work so we could attend as it's her first one

So who ibu?

OP posts:
DancesWithOtters · 01/12/2017 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 01/12/2017 21:17

So not to drip feed the majority of the time my mil is AMAZING and we have an excellent relationship

OP posts:
Ikanon · 01/12/2017 21:17

Are you serious? The parents should get the 2 tickets! Any spare go to grandparents. DD1 is in Reception this year so of course me and DH have the tickets. Yes there's 2 spare which we've managed to get for GPs but absolutely no way should she get them before you and your DDs dad!

LagunaBubbles · 01/12/2017 21:17

Well you and your DH obviously!

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 01/12/2017 21:18

Her argument is that dd does shows with her performing arts academy and so a school nativity is no big deal

OP posts:
NoelNiki · 01/12/2017 21:18

She's your dd. Mil has no right.

Regressionconfession · 01/12/2017 21:18

That is absolutely outrageous!!! You should definitely get them ... how strange if she's usually so fantastic!

Ginorchoc · 01/12/2017 21:18

That’s awful! You should have them.

Drknittingfrog · 01/12/2017 21:18

Parents over grand parents!

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 01/12/2017 21:21

Regression- it's very odd, we have a brilliant relationship we go out once a month for food just the 2 of us, we go on shopping trips have in the past worked together all without issue

OP posts:
Shoppingwithmother · 01/12/2017 21:21

Well, obviously you should get to go, but I could understand that they may feel that they have to go nearly every boring normal day to do the “work” of the pickups and have a lot of contact with the school, but when it’s something nice and exciting they don’t get to go because you can make it then.

But as I said, obviously you are the parents and you should go.

headhurtstoomuch · 01/12/2017 21:22

If you stand your ground and say no will this result in her not watching your DD during the week? How much do you rely on her for childcare? Is everyone automatically assigned spares if requested or is it first come first serve basis?

Floralnomad · 01/12/2017 21:23

Obviously you should go , but if she does most school pick ups I can see her point a bit , could you compromise if you can’t get extra tickets and you and MIL go .

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 01/12/2017 21:23

Shopping - me or dh do drop off everyday, one day a week I pick up we always book time off for school events, parents eve etc the same way we book time off for show rehearsal etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 01/12/2017 21:25

Heads - no she wouldnt do that re not having dd. She has her 4 afternoons a week and overnight if my and dh go out. I need to speak to the school on Monday when I drop dd and find out about spares allocation

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 01/12/2017 21:29

Absolutely you should have them. If she feels that she should get them as she does more pick ups I'd hire professional childcare. No way does that mean that she gets the best bits of your child's childhood over you.

I'd also speak with school about non-parents / carers hijacking although I'd guess that not many grandparents / others would be so completely inappropriate.

Shoppingwithmother · 01/12/2017 21:29

Going to school to pick up grandchildren and then look after them four days a week is a lot though

MiniCooperLover · 01/12/2017 21:31

Parents of course! She didn’t even give you the chance to apply! Ducking outrageous!!

Brandbrandbrandy · 01/12/2017 21:31

How odd. Unless there’s a back story your mil is being batshit

SparklingSnowfall · 01/12/2017 21:33

Shock How did she know to get the tkts? Did she see the letter and then bought them? If so she knew you could only have 2!! That's terrible, I agree 4 pick ups is a lot but still doesn't entitle you to the tkts!

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 01/12/2017 21:34

Shopping - it absolutely is and we often review the arrangements with them. I have a very generous annual leave entitlement and ils are free to book what ever holidays they want no restrictions with school hols etc or if the fancy a few days to them selves we make alternative arrangements with other family members or dh books time off work.

We pay for lunch club so it's a 13.15 pick up for ils and dh picks her up at 430.

They are very generous in what they do for us and we know this and do not take advantage.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 01/12/2017 21:35

Brand - no back story, we have an excellent relationship. She's being batshit.

OP posts:
M5tothesouthwest · 01/12/2017 21:35

I kind of get her point as she does a lot of the pick-ups but no, parents get priority.
Is your DH desperate to go? Mine wouldn't be that fussed!
Maybe you and her could have the tickets and your DH and DFIL go on the spares list?

Blondephantom · 01/12/2017 21:37

The letter would be addressed to the parent/guardian. As they are neither, they have no right to fill in the slip and request tickets. I’d contact the school and request tickets for yourself. The school can cancel the tickets that the grandparents claimed.

Glumglowworm · 01/12/2017 21:37

Of course parents should get the tickets!

Grandparents should be on the spares list and hopefully they can go (and I would give them priority over other family since they help so much)