Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should get the tickets

108 replies

Nicpem1982 · 01/12/2017 21:15

When we picked up dd from mils today she informed us that she had bought 2 tickets for dds nativity play today for fil and mil and there was a letter in dds bag.

Letter states that due to theatre size that only 2 tickets per child are allowed and if you require extra tickets you can join a spares list

Mil thinks that they should get tickets and won't give them us as they do majority of pick ups however me and dh have booked date off work so we could attend as it's her first one

So who ibu?

OP posts:
tinysparklyshoes · 02/12/2017 14:27

I think there is a lot of unneccessary nastiness about a granny who obviously does a LOT for this grandchild.

OP. I wouldn't have posted here if I were you, and I certainly wouldn't be taking any notice of what anyone says here. You know the sensible thing to do here: talk to her like a normal person and work it out without the kind of crazy you get from aibu!

grannytomine · 02/12/2017 14:28

Nicpem that sounds like you have worked it out well. I do hope you get the extra tickets.

Gincision · 02/12/2017 14:29

I wonder if the 'historical problems with sil' were anything to do with your Mil being overbearing?

Sounds like you have sorted out a compromise you're all happy with but I have to say I think your Mil has behaved atrociously here and there is no way she would have got a ticket if I had been in your shoes...

ArgyMargy · 02/12/2017 14:30

My DC went to a (CofE) school that didn't do nativities. When I get DGC I'm definitely snaffling tickets!!

FizzyGreenWater · 02/12/2017 14:31

I wouldn't destroy it over something so small in the grand theme of things

It's not small though, because it's not over tickets. It's about them thinking that because they are closely involved with your DD, they somehow are on some sort of par with you. That you being her parents isn't an automatic 'first place'.

You may get on with them well, but if they can actually say this to you then there's a core of steel behind that that you need to nip in the bud now or it's going to cause problems. They are YOUR tickets to see YOUR child perform. Whether you discuss if you might choose to gift YOUR tickets to your PIL is a discussion for you and your DH to have. Your MIL's approach is not the approach of someone with a good relationship with you, but someone who is beginning to feel entitled to come first.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 02/12/2017 14:36

Gin- I appreciate this is rare on here but I really like my mil and would not fall out with her over something like this.

The historical problems were not of my mils making at all but they do impact my mils view on occasion.

I posted on here because I wasn't sure who should have the tickets and wanted some opinions not to bash my mil who's a lovely woman who were lucky to have in our lives

OP posts:
Gincision · 02/12/2017 14:43

I really like my Mil too. I wouldn't want to fall out or react as extremely as some others have suggested but she would be clearly told in no uncertain terms that this is totally unacceptable. And if she couldn't understand this was overstepping then that's a big red flag for the future. Obviously if she understood and apologised then it would be forgotten, but your update reads as though your Mil thinks she was totally justified if what she did because of something that is nothing to do with you. And that would be why I wouldn't accept this 'compromise'.

Having said all that though, if you're happy with the outcome then that's all that matters.

YouCantArgueWithStupid · 02/12/2017 14:50

I think you're my SIL OP Wink It's the kind of thing my MIL would do but wouldn't think of it as something nasty. She'd just see it as fair.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 02/12/2017 14:52

You can't argue with stupid- maybe..... Gin on Thursday? Usual place Grin

OP posts:
YouCantArgueWithStupid · 02/12/2017 15:02

Ah you'd know I'm very preggo so am currently off the good stuff Grin

Hauntedlobster · 02/12/2017 16:02

OP you sound so lovely. I’m glad it’s sorted Winefor you and poor Granny.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 02/12/2017 16:13

Good solution. Nicely sorted out nicperm. Hope DD breaks a leg.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 03/12/2017 08:51

Thanks runrabbit x

OP posts:
TheSunIsFar · 03/12/2017 10:25

I am just ShockConfused at the OP's attitude - your being walked all over!

Cancel your evening out with your MIL - tell her you are unhappy about the situation and it's your DD's first school play and you as the parents should get to see it!

She's being controlling and you are falling right in line!

TheSunIsFar · 03/12/2017 10:29

Just read your update - wasn't your DH really excited about going...? How is this acceptable? Your MIL's relationship with her other son's family shouldn't affect your own family.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 03/12/2017 10:30

The sun- I think your reaction is extreme and ott. Behaving in the way that you have suggested would be a terrible example to my dd.

We've resolved the situation amicably and in an adult manner I don't see the need to do anything further

OP posts:
TheSunIsFar · 03/12/2017 12:03

You absolutely right, it's totally fair on your DH for him to miss out.

Spartaca · 03/12/2017 12:15

Didn't your husband want to watch? I think your attitude is lovely, but hers sounds a little selfish, did she not get to see her own children in nativities?

honeyravioli · 03/12/2017 12:17

Why would anyone be excited about the school nativity? Confused

Some of these answers are appalling. One can only imagine you are the same people posting about "going NC" with your family because of their perfectly normal awful behaviour.

olympicsrock · 03/12/2017 15:01

OP - sounds like your mind is made up but you are being a total doormat!

GreenTulips · 03/12/2017 15:09

Roll on full time education when MIL childcare isn't so needed - how will you sort it out then? Why aren't you giving your ticket to your husband? Why is he less important than you?

JacquesHammer · 03/12/2017 15:15

sounds like your mind is made up but you are being a total doormat!

Why?

If her DH is happy with this compromise then this isn't OP being a doormat.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 03/12/2017 15:19

I'd be gutted to not go to nativity but I understand your MILs point of view in that they are doing all the grunt work so why not have some of the nice bits too.

I'd just speak to the school and ask for spare tickets from the list.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 03/12/2017 15:25

Green - my dh is happy with the arrangements it's not a case of me being more important than him we came to a joint decision like grown ups.

OP posts:
LemonSqueezy0 · 04/12/2017 07:05

I'm glad it's sorted, but do feel a little that the DH in this situation, and in general situations like this are often asked/expected to fall back from their child's life to accommodate others.. It's toxic really, like they don't mind not going, they would rather be anywhere else and so on.. I think it's convenient but not always true that it's the DH that can't be bothered but they are often expected just to suck it up.

Swipe left for the next trending thread