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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should get the tickets

108 replies

Nicpem1982 · 01/12/2017 21:15

When we picked up dd from mils today she informed us that she had bought 2 tickets for dds nativity play today for fil and mil and there was a letter in dds bag.

Letter states that due to theatre size that only 2 tickets per child are allowed and if you require extra tickets you can join a spares list

Mil thinks that they should get tickets and won't give them us as they do majority of pick ups however me and dh have booked date off work so we could attend as it's her first one

So who ibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 01/12/2017 21:38

Dh really wants to go (this may ware off over time) I'm going to get dh to talk to fil, there are other opportunities for them to watch dd perform there's a few things booked in that we could get is tickets to

OP posts:
Urubu · 01/12/2017 21:40

Oh yes that is an idea, would your DH be willing to give his ticket to his DM (still with the hope of a spare ticket)?

Urubu · 01/12/2017 21:41

Oops xpost

steff13 · 01/12/2017 21:44

I think you should get them. But, she has them, and apparently paid for them. You can't make her give them to you. I'd get your husband to talk to her.

SirGawain · 01/12/2017 21:48

According to your in-laws logic my children should have given them to the School Bus driver as he took them to school each day. Grin

Tinselistacky · 01/12/2017 21:49

Just politely remind her she was once a proud dm at the school plays with her dc. Now it's your turn!

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 01/12/2017 21:49
Grin
OP posts:
Originalfoogirl · 01/12/2017 21:51

“According to your in-laws logic my children should have given them to the School Bus driver as he took them to school each day.”

Mine should go to the after-school club 😄

Imsorrynow · 01/12/2017 21:51

Gasp. Really? Would she really take the tickets? I’d never speak to her again.

Flupi · 01/12/2017 21:52

Awkward! They perhaps bought the tickets thinking they would sell out? Or wanting to be organised? They do you a massive favour by looking after the dc- let’s face it you save a lot of money not having to pay for child care and also are giving your dc a lovely opportunity to know their dgp. With that in mind I would let them have the tickets. Although I would also email the school explaining the situation. You never know, they might be sympathetic and give you priority tickets- just don’t sound entitled, sound apologetic.

CandleWithHair · 01/12/2017 21:52

Obviously you and DH should get them OP but I’d recommend trying to get some extra tickets before you potentially start WWIII with the in laws over it! Hopefully you can get some and then there’s no issue.

grannytomine · 01/12/2017 21:52

I like her style, but I am a bitter granny. I pick GC up every day, have them in holidays and weekends if exDIL wants to go out or have a break. Her mother gets the tickets for special events. She might pick them up 2 or 3 times a year. I get you annoyance but I'd love to do it.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 01/12/2017 21:54

I'msorry- I'm not going to not speak to my ils over some nativity tickets that's insane. The relationship that we have with them and they have with my dd is an important one I wouldn't destroy it over something so small in the grand theme of things

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 01/12/2017 21:59

Granny-if we didn't include my ils then I'd get the buying tickets thing but really they're included in my dds life and not just for our convenience.

They're invited to watch her dance, swim etc they are always included in numbers for bday party even if we pay per adult or there limited numbers they're always counted as adult 3 and 4 after me and dh.

We take dd around on request at weekends and always try and clear schedule when ils ask to do something special with dd, we try and buy thoughtful gifts that dd and ils can do together etc

We really do try

OP posts:
HousefulOfBoysAndMe · 01/12/2017 22:00

I would find it hard to remain polite in this tbh. I certainly wouldn't be fannying around trying to convince MIL to allow you to have the only two (so far) tickets, OR waiting for the spares allocation to see what happened.

I'd tell MIL that I was sorry but parents come first in line for this sort of thing so here's the money and please hand the tickets over. Of course if there are spares she may have some too. That's the polite bit.

If she refused, I'd insist that she hand them over. If she refused again I'd tell her this was the final time I'd ask before I contacted the school to tell them about the situation and inform them that the two tickets had been purchased without parental consent...and they must be cancelled and PIL not allowed to use them. I'd follow through on this too.

I would also (if it reached that stage) arrange alternative child care as it's so nutty I would have trouble trusting them again.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 01/12/2017 22:02

House- I genuinely think mil is enthusiastic and excited I've got no issues with trust at all I trust her 100% with my dd

OP posts:
Sprinklestar · 01/12/2017 22:02

Agree with House. Talk about overstepping the mark!

goose1964 · 01/12/2017 22:04

We had the same problem and we split one parent and one grandparent

Viviennemary · 01/12/2017 22:08

Well I suppose you should really go being the parents. But perhaps they misunderstood and didn't realise that you had both taken the day off to attend. Hopefully they will bow out gracefully. If they don't. Hmm Is it worth losing your childcare for this. I wouldn't. Sensible idea from poster who suggests you and mil can go.

Mynametodaywillbe · 01/12/2017 22:09

MIL is definitely being unreasonable. Tell her you'll buy her a DVD as the school will probably record the play and flog them.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 01/12/2017 22:10

I'm out with mil on Thurs night so I'm going to get dh to speak to fil then and get him to see sense

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 01/12/2017 22:11

My name - they are there are professional costume shots before the show and then lives being taken as well as the dvd being shot

OP posts:
mummymummums · 01/12/2017 22:13

This is outrageous. Of course the grandparents don't trump the parents. I can't understand what she's thinking!
If all else fails, tell the nursery - they'll have no choice but to cancel the tickets and reissue to you. You are the ones with parental responsibility and legal status to decide who watches your DC in a play. Ridiculous to even say all this, but your mil is digging her heels in.

FlashTheSloth · 01/12/2017 22:17

I'd be livid. Parents are of course the priority unless the child lives with the GPs of the parents don't want to go. In this situation, it shouldn't even be a question. I would be telling MIL that this isn't happening and if she doesn't hand the tickets over you will be speaking to the school. She doesn't get to do as she pleases because she does a few pick ups. Big deal, she doesn't have parental rights, she helps out family, which is presumably for her benefit too as she gets to see her GD.

BackforGood · 01/12/2017 22:19

Why is the nativity in a theatre ? Confused

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