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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think MIL is making my child ill somehow?!

155 replies

Timeforanamochango · 30/11/2017 17:49

Once a week my DD is looked after by MIL at our house while We work, the other days are all preschool/us. I’m very greatful for the childcare she provides before I’m blasted as ungreatful!

MIL always has her on a Thursday until 2.30. Every Thursday afternoon/evening for the last 5 weeks she’s had a horrendous tummy ache/diarrhoea/usually up at night in pain with her tummy.

I’ve asked MIL what she’s feeding her and it’s all normal stuff that she has regularly. MIL insists she’s not feeding her crap all day (which I do believe as she can only really feed her what’s in the house and we don’t have a lot of crap in)

AIBU to think this can’t be a coincidence? What could be causing this? DP says it must be completely unrelated to MIL and I’m just saying it’s to do with her because I don’t like her! She’s never ill on any other day and is always recovered by the Friday evening (my day off with her!)

OP posts:
venys · 01/12/2017 00:48

Weirdly I used to get sick at MILs. Turned out that she used to cook with cream in everything. I am not allergic, but at the time my stomach was quite sensitive due to prescription drugs. (Couldn't do alcohol or spice) and stress certainly triggered painful stomach cramps. I would suggest food diary too. Stress could also be a very real option.

blahblahblah2000 · 01/12/2017 00:55

This happens with my children sometimes at family house, they allow them to eat whole large bowls of melon and fruit, unlimited sour cream on their dinner etc and then they get home and vomit!!

AvoidingDM · 01/12/2017 01:03

Does granny like liquorice all sorts?

Too many of those will have me running to the loo. I'm thinking it's something she's feeding her rather than hygiene.

Italiangreyhound · 01/12/2017 01:05

I would also explore whether there is an activity on day after a school that she does not like.

Good luck.

Whirliegigspider · 01/12/2017 02:25

Say Dr wants food diary

InLoveWithLizML · 01/12/2017 03:35

Hopefully time has moved forward, but thinking about it, I doubt you keep anything out of date in the house. Could it be she's not cooking food properly? Or bring treats in her bag that DC is reacting to?

It sounds barmy to your DH, but he needs to see there's a correlation of MIL has care of DC, same day/night DC is ill. You don't have to be Einstein after the second or third time to query it.

I've not read the full thread, but does DC have any intolerances? Do you have ice cream or other heavy dairy in the house that MIL could be going OTT with.

I would suggest maybe going to the GP. Maybe DH will take it seriously then, especially if DC is getting diarrhoea.

InLoveWithLizML · 01/12/2017 03:37

It could be sneaking in chocolate, you can get cams so small now that it might be worth considering.

Mammylamb · 01/12/2017 04:41

Can your child speak yet? If so, perhaps have a chat with them to find out what granny is feeding them and also find out if they are comfortable with granny.

Also, you said that you do your cleaning on a Wednesday: could your child be ingesting any of the cleaning products?

justilou1 · 01/12/2017 04:59

Could she be slipping her a laxative? Sounds a bit weirdly coincidental. I probably would nanny cam her, but I am suspicious by nature.

IceniLacuna · 01/12/2017 05:14

A hygiene-issue illness would probably last longer too.

Much more likely to be something 'sugar free' or some treat you don't know about.

BertrandRussell · 01/12/2017 10:49

"Much more likely to be something 'sugar free' or some treat you don't know about."

Or a coincidence. Or confirmation bias. Both of them much more likely than an otherwise sane and loving grandmother secretly feeding her grand daughter laxatives.........

expatmigrant · 01/12/2017 11:09

I'm also thinking sweets or juice. My MIL was terrible for giving my DD food she was not allowed at home. I use to turn a blind eye to it as it was only one day/week.

MoosicalDaisy · 01/12/2017 11:16

Can you book that day off for next week, then let her stay with MIL the following week and see if it happens again, might open your DH eyes if it does.

But then she might stop whatever she is doing as you've mentioned it.

Cheeseandcucumber · 01/12/2017 11:18

How about MIL allowing DD to sip her tea/beverage of choice throughout the day?

Lizzie48 · 01/12/2017 11:36

No, I wouldn't suggest to MIL that she was poisoning DD. I would arrange things so that I didn't need her to babysit for a couple of weeks and see if DD is sick without her there.

It could be your DD isn't really comfortable with her grandma looking after her and it's a stress reaction.

NewMinouMinou · 01/12/2017 12:28

I’m also wondering if MIL is giving your DD sugar-free sweets.
A friend very kindly bought my DC a tube of sugar-free Polos each during a play date. I saw the wrapping when I picked them up and said we’d have to go home pronto. It’s a five-minute walk. DD just about made it.
DS’ bum was going off every few minutes...
We refer to this incident as The Polo Dynageddon.

ElsieMc · 01/12/2017 12:57

Does your dd get on well with your MIL? She is a little young to relay everything she has eaten that day to you though. I don't think it is food or hygiene. I think it is some form of anxiety or stress. My own dd's stayed with my dm during school hols and believe me her hygiene was not great both household and food no matter what I said. They were never ill. My dm was very eccentric but my dd's were relaxed and happy staying with her.

I had a terrible phase of anxiety related illness with d and v which went on all night. I could always tell when I would have an attack because that morning I felt odd, anxious and unsettled.

I think your dd is unsettled with your MIL and it is showing itself in physical symptoms. I don't doubt your mil is perhaps indulging your dd but I honestly think she is demonstrating signs of anxiety here.

Difficult one for you here op.

TokyoKyoto · 01/12/2017 13:13

I'd look at what is going on in your dd's life 24-48 hours before the illness happens. It could simply be something she's getting fed elsewhere.

Sorry you don't like your MIL, I've been there, but if you go to her with any suggestion that your dd is reacting to her in some way that's going to make things harder (not that you suggested it but others have). My MIL likes to think that tiny children are the barometers of their parents' family relationships and it's such caca.

FizzyGreenWater · 01/12/2017 13:37

Another option is to break the pattern for a week and see what happens.

Make an excuse for a week and you have her at home with you - so everything is the same except MIL being the carer.

No wish to inflame but to be honest MIL feeding your DD stuff and denying it is not unlikely if she has form for trying to play mummy matriarch boss. My granny loved lying to my mum about what we'd eaten/done, especially if it was stuff she knew my mum wouldn't allow. That was my mum's own mum too. She was a control freak who wanted to feel that everything to do with us was up to her.

There are also endless threads on this, I think it's quite common. Just a form of power play. Having it extend to MIL continuinng to feed DD stuff which she knows will make her ill is maybe not so usual but still not beyond the bounds of possibility at all. It's a form of 'Oh nonsense she'll be fine, I brought up your DH, how dare you tell ME what to feed my GD' - etc. I am sure OP has heard this before!

I remember a thread (or a poster on a thread) whose PIL wouldn't have it that the grandchild was allergic to nuts. Sneering and belittling 'overprotective' mum. Finally got their chance to have the child alone and fed nuts, looking forward to their smug 'told you you were being silly' moment. Child goes into anaphylactic shock, serious hospitalisation. End of contact with PIL for whole family including their DS.

AcrossthePond55 · 01/12/2017 14:37

I think Fizzy has made a great suggestion; change MiL's care-day for a different one. Can you make arrangements with the nursery to swop days for perhaps the next two weeks?

Ladymayormaynot · 01/12/2017 14:41

Is she giving her sugar free sweets ? They can have this effect if you eat too many.

InLoveWithLizML · 01/12/2017 16:04

Could it be something MIL is saying, like nasty Mummy this, nasty Mummy that, possibly making her scared. Or insinuating that you & DH won't be together much longer, then Daddy & Granny can take over.

Sounds batshit crazy, but she wants to be the doting Mum figure. Maybe MIL has secret views about nursery or something like that.

Tummy ache depending where it is can tell you a lot.

BertrandRussell · 01/12/2017 16:10

"Could it be something MIL is saying, like nasty Mummy this, nasty Mummy that, possibly making her scared. Or insinuating that you & DH won't be together much longer, then Daddy & Granny can take over."

Fuck me -some people!

zzzzz · 01/12/2017 16:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aridane · 01/12/2017 16:17

OK - so we're talking about laxatives, probably not poison (though cannot be ruled out), shocking hygiene, emotionally driven upset - with video surveillance being a possible option. Really?