To think MIL is making my child ill somehow?!

[Timeforanamochango]

Once a week my DD is looked after by MIL at our house while We work, the other days are all preschool/us. I’m very greatful for the childcare she provides before I’m blasted as ungreatful!

MIL always has her on a Thursday until 2.30. Every Thursday afternoon/evening for the last 5 weeks she’s had a horrendous tummy ache/diarrhoea/usually up at night in pain with her tummy.

I’ve asked MIL what she’s feeding her and it’s all normal stuff that she has regularly. MIL insists she’s not feeding her crap all day (which I do believe as she can only really feed her what’s in the house and we don’t have a lot of crap in)

AIBU to think this can’t be a coincidence? What could be causing this? DP says it must be completely unrelated to MIL and I’m just saying it’s to do with her because I don’t like her! She’s never ill on any other day and is always recovered by the Friday evening (my day off with her!)

Portion sizes? DS had an iffy tummy after nursery. I went in one day and he asked for more raisins. The member of staff took an adult handful and put it on his plate. I explained why that wasn't a great idea!
Toilet. Is your DC reluctant to use the toilet or is granny not prompting?
Too much juice?
Change to routine?

I think the clue is in the OP, as in her Friday is the day off, so is she is excitedly anticipating a day with mum, as she knows (maybe not conciously if she's young enough to need childcare) this follows a day with DGM?

I don't know about anyone else, but planned exitement always resulted in more toilet issues for my 3 x DS's when they were small.

You say you clean the kitchen on a Wednesday and MIL has her every Thursday, have you started using a new cleaning product on surfaces etc that could be making DD poorly?

Too much fruit does terrible things to my DS s tummy. He loves it and will eat it all day. Could it be that your MIL is just feeding your DD too much of something she normally eats?

When I give DS fruit I am very careful about portion control but we have had real problems when Other people have let him loose on the blueberries!

Depending how old you dd is maybe she’s picking up on the fact you don’t like her granny

Really tough one.

Why do you dislike her OP? I await flaming but would be interested to know. Can you be honest here as it might help. For example, if she's one to power struggle with you and like the thought that she gets to play mummy, then she might indeed be bringing in food that she knows you would rather she not have - lots of cake, sweets etc? - as a way of being in control? If so, she wouldn't be telling you I'd presume, so you might not have a good idea of what's being eaten. Is she shouty/more controlling with your DD? - if so, DD might be less confident with her and that might be coming out.

Presumably you do trust her if she has care of your DD. Sounds very difficult.

Has she given her any diabetic sweets/chocolate/mints they can cause tummy pain and lax effects

@ilovegin112

I thought the same

I was thinking sugar free sweets too.

My SIL had this issue with DNephew. Turned out her MIL was giving DN bagfuls of grapes and strawberries thinking it was healthy...........

His poor digestive system couldn't cope with that amount of fruit.

Sorry but have you asked your MIL why she is possibly ill every Thurs night????

You're not accusing her of anything, just asking for her help to figure out what she's allergic to or whatever.

Yes I do dislike her, not enough to think she’s deliberatly poisoning my daughter but it’s hard to see it as coincidence...

I have to say that if you are even half way down the road to thinking this then this arrangement can't continue anyway.

You need to trust your DD's carer and your MIL, if she's presumed good enough to be that carer, needs the security of that trust.

My mil only drinks those weird flavoured waters full of sweeteners and when the dc are with her all day she gives it to them too. Gives them upset stomachs. I've mentioned that I only give tap water but she just carries on regardless..

Maybe she gives her sweeties. I had a (small) packet of Paddington bear treats (jelly sweets) last week and had really bad stomach pains afterwards!

Make another childcare arrangement, you may never get to the bottom of this and the last thing you want is DC getting stressed and ill when you could prevent it.

A PP mentioned milk. Is MIL pouring your DD milk and leaving it out on the side so that it's not too cold from the fridge?

I have no food intolerances, but if milk is left out of the fridge, or decanted in a jug I can guarantee I will get stomach cramps. Also, if getting coffee in a cafe, I can tell if the milk in the machine has been previously heated or left out.

DH sometimes leaves the bottle out on the side while the tea brews and I have to keep telling him not to leave it out. It took me years to work out what was causing it.

My MIL was feeding my dd pork which we don’t eat in our house not due to religious beliefs but bc hubby gets a tummy ache every time he touches it. I also just don’t like pork so we just don’t feed it to our kids. When they grow up they can choose to eat it or not but anyway after her getting a tummy ache ever night I went over one day when she was meant to be watching her and she gave her a ham sandwich I just said oh we don’t really eat pork can you not give it to her plz I think it gives her a tummy ache bc she’s not used to it. She listened.
Maybe make you dd some food to take and just say docs wanna see if she’s allergic to anything put little snacks in the packed lunch too so u know how much junk she’s eating and see what happenes.

Could she be giving her sugar-free sweets or something similar, some artificial sweetners(sorbital, xylitol etc) can cause those sort of symptoms?

Hygiene or stress?

I suspect Granny is overdoing the treats however getting her to admit it will be tricky .

Hang on, are people really saying the OP should stop her MIL looking after her grand daughter because of this? Seriously??????

If you think she maybe feeding her things she’s brought in herself then it might be worth having a look through the bin!

Of course BertrandRussell. It’s MN after all

I don't dislike my MIL yet have a similar issue. My DC's are older but this has been an ongoing problem since they were babies. Although MIL feeds them normal meals and nothing they haven't eaten before she gives them huge portions! She also thinks she is feeding them healthy foods by only giving veg or fruit as snacks but the amount of fibre they get through at her house is immense. As I say they are older now so not so much diarrhoea anymore but the amount and potency of the farts is something else!