To think MIL is making my child ill somehow?!

[Timeforanamochango]

Once a week my DD is looked after by MIL at our house while We work, the other days are all preschool/us. I’m very greatful for the childcare she provides before I’m blasted as ungreatful!

MIL always has her on a Thursday until 2.30. Every Thursday afternoon/evening for the last 5 weeks she’s had a horrendous tummy ache/diarrhoea/usually up at night in pain with her tummy.

I’ve asked MIL what she’s feeding her and it’s all normal stuff that she has regularly. MIL insists she’s not feeding her crap all day (which I do believe as she can only really feed her what’s in the house and we don’t have a lot of crap in)

AIBU to think this can’t be a coincidence? What could be causing this? DP says it must be completely unrelated to MIL and I’m just saying it’s to do with her because I don’t like her! She’s never ill on any other day and is always recovered by the Friday evening (my day off with her!)

jellyBabiesSaveLives - I think you have set down a really good plan here. Best way to play it

How old is your dd?

Id say milk too - the wrong type or giving squash instead of water maybe?

I used to get tonsilitis everytime my mom left the country total coincidence but it didn't happen any other time for about three four years 🤔

Too much squash can cause this

Actually thinking about it it could be too much fruit too?

This is a storyline exactly like this on coronation street. I’m sure that the storyline will turn out to be a pollen allergy. So back to OP, Could it be that your dd is allergic to something your mil comes into contact with that you don’t?

We had this a few times after MIL looked after DS. Turned out to be the sheer volume and types of fruit she was feeding him!

I'd pre-measure her food and drink for the entire day as well as doing a food diary.

Instruct MiL to feed nothing but what you've already prepared and measured and to annotate the food and time of feeding in the food diary. Tell her it's per the GPs instructions. Then when you get home, see if she's eaten it all and take a look around your kitchen to see if any 'extras' have been given. It could be that MiL is overfeeding. Even healthy food can make a small child ill if they eat too much of it.

And check your trash bin for wrappers and empty food and treat packaging.

Hang on, are people really saying the OP should stop her MIL looking after her grand daughter because of this? Seriously??????

Yes. And to install a secret webcam and spy rather than just, you know, try a conversation.

Is MIL making sure your DD washes her hands after going to the toilet and also her own hands after shes been herself? Lots of bugs can be spread by the lack of proper handwashing.
Shes not doing any reheating of rice is she? I once got really ill from rice at a buffet.

My MIL gave DS pineapple juice, followed by tomato juice, followed by chocolate.
The nappies the next day were numerous and pungent.

I think the food diary needs to start on Wednesday evenings - diarrhoea usually takes a while to set in, doesn't it?

Also, would it be possible, next week, to swap days and see if the illness still occurs on the MIL day?

When my eldest was tiny, one set of grandparents insisted on BOUNCING him UP AND DOWN and talking VERY LOUDLY about HOW MUCH FUN HE WAS HAVING and then FEEDING HIM CHOCOLATE and LAUGHING ABOUT HOW MUCH HE LIKED THEM and insisting MUMMY IS SILLY SAYING YOU SHOULD ONLY HAVE BREAST MILK BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT EVEN THREE MONTHS OLD YET.

I would tell them to give him some peace and quiethe was premature and needed to sleepbut they were convinced they knew better than I did, and would sneak him out of his bed and wake him up every time I turned my back on them.

He ended up having fits every time they arrived. Proper fits. He would start trembling when he heard their voices, and slide into these horrible fits after half an hour.

They dealt with them by shouting at him.

It stopped as soon as I stopped them seeing him. They missed out on two years of his life, because they wouldn't treat him with respect. I wish I'd done it sooner.

OP, if you're convinced it's not the food she's feeding your child, do consider stress.

my kids get this when they come back from their dad's. it's due to overfeeding crap. if she's anything like my ex she will deny it though. xx

Have you said anything to grandma though? It is most likely something she is feeding her or a combination of foods that don't sit well and I'm sure she would be horrified if she thought hat she was doing anything to make her ill.

Those symptoms seem remarkably similar to mine if I eat too many sugar free sweets. I'm wondering if you MiL is giving them because too much sugar is bad. You don't need many to overdose on them.A third of a packet of sugar free Polos is enough to set me off and I'm an adult, it would be less for a young child

DD is 3, I don’t think she’s picked up on the fact I don’t like MIL. She does the power trip thing, acts like she’s her Mum and she knows best etc which is why I don’t like her to those who asked.

Could be fruit/portion size I suppose although I’ve asked MIL what she has and gently touched on the subject but she just said she feeds her a cheese sandwich for lunch, banana and a biscuit. All of which I give her! Dp does breakfast, I do dinner.

DD doesn’t drink milk, could be juice as we don’t give a lot but I know my mum gives DD juice a lot when shes stayed there and she doesn’t get ill!

Have gone Through the rubbish, nothing untoward in there!

DD doesn’t get ill if we’ve seen MIL at the weekend etc so not sure if it could be creams etc.

I wouldn’t set up a nanny cam, although it does seem tempting as I feel like I’ll never get to the bottom of it!

Dd seems to absolutely love her day with MIL so don’t think it’s stress!

Thank you for all of your helpful suggestions, I think a dr prescribed food diary may be the best way to approach this if I can get DP on board, he will see it as me not trusting MIL’s word!

Very specific question... Do you keep both white and wholemeal bread in the house with DD having the white? If so, could mil be giving her the wholemeal? (My DS gets the shits from wholemeal every single time)

My first thought would be she's holding in poo/wee because either she's too busy and excited or not comfortable doing it, or is maybe rushed?

It could be the breakfast or dinner you guys make. Do you do different things for her on thursdays?

Alternatively it could be that your dd is getting into food herself. Do you leave any snacks etc open?

Maybe OH will be keener to get to the bottom of this problem if he gets up with her the next few Thursday nights?

Constipation is an issue too.

Maybe ask the preschool if they can do the food diary aswell. That will help your hubby understand you aren't singling his mum out you just want to understand how to help your child.

Yes to getting the preschool to join in the diary. Wednesday might be "Copiuos fruit day"

My DD had exactly this. Every day after being at PiL she would have an upset stomach. Turns out they were giving her orange juice and it can cause diarrhoea. I asked them to stop giving it to her, following week it still happened. I checked with MiL and she had given her watered down orange juice. Argh. She couldn't have orange juice at all.

Could MIL be giving your DD sugar free sweets containing sorbitol e.g. sugar free polos? These can have laxative effects in young children and use wind++