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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think MIL is making my child ill somehow?!

155 replies

Timeforanamochango · 30/11/2017 17:49

Once a week my DD is looked after by MIL at our house while We work, the other days are all preschool/us. I’m very greatful for the childcare she provides before I’m blasted as ungreatful!

MIL always has her on a Thursday until 2.30. Every Thursday afternoon/evening for the last 5 weeks she’s had a horrendous tummy ache/diarrhoea/usually up at night in pain with her tummy.

I’ve asked MIL what she’s feeding her and it’s all normal stuff that she has regularly. MIL insists she’s not feeding her crap all day (which I do believe as she can only really feed her what’s in the house and we don’t have a lot of crap in)

AIBU to think this can’t be a coincidence? What could be causing this? DP says it must be completely unrelated to MIL and I’m just saying it’s to do with her because I don’t like her! She’s never ill on any other day and is always recovered by the Friday evening (my day off with her!)

OP posts:
Sarahjconnor · 30/11/2017 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lilyhatesjaz · 30/11/2017 19:48

My DD reacts in this way to apple juice and to actual apples if she eats more than one

Mrsfonzieface · 30/11/2017 19:54

This really reminds me of what I was like after scheduled visits to my dad. The cause of those issues was stress for sure. I was holding on to do much tension and fear that I was ill when I got back home to safety.

Lizzie48 · 30/11/2017 19:58

I wouldn't be surprised if it was to do with hygiene, maybe MIL doesn't make sure she washes her hands properly after the toilet or before lunch, as has been suggested by a previous poster.

What does your DP make of the fact that your DD is always sick after his DM has looked after her?

HousefulOfBoysAndMe · 30/11/2017 19:59

the whole kitchen is cleaned on a Wednesday

Does your MIL make sandwiches directly off the counter whereas you use a chopping board or plate? Could it be residue of chemicals you're using on the counter?

ijustwannadance · 30/11/2017 20:03

Your DD is 3, can you just ask her what she has eaten/drank that day?

lurkingnotlurking · 30/11/2017 20:07

Before reading this thread, I had no idea that too much fruit could be a problem. It's not for my children

TwoShades1 · 30/11/2017 20:10

I would say it’s a stress anxiety issue. DSS gets sick feelings/actual vomiting with anxiety. We recently had quite a few nights of it when he stayed with us during the school holidays and I put him to bed, as DP works night shift and was already asleep. The stepkids normally only stay weekends and DP always puts them to bed, not me. Simply having me put dss to bed gave him enough anxiety to have an upset tummy.

BertrandRussell · 30/11/2017 20:10

It's happened the past 5 weeks- what about before that?

Frouby · 30/11/2017 20:18

My dd used to come back from weekends with her dad like this. If it wasn't stomach ache and the squits it was cystitis.

He used to constantly give her dilute cordial, orange juice or fizzy drinks and it was them causing it. She used to have water with me 90% of the time. And an occasional cordial diluted.

It took me having to take her for a kidney scan and implying there would be further investigations by social services to get him to stop.

I would go down the food diary route personally. Fill it in every day so mil doesnt suspect it's just for her. And leave a measuring jug to measure liquids too. Even too much milk could be upsetting her tummy. My mam is a bugger for making millshakes for the dcs as it's 'good for them'.

Jerseysilkvelour · 30/11/2017 20:21

I second the food diary. My DD has diagnosed food allergies and my mum and another relative to looked after her wouldn't stop feeding her stuff she couldn't have. She was about 2 so too young to speak up for herself. Anyway, I took her to the doctor because she was getting poorly from it, he suggested I get everyone to complete a food diary "for the doctor" and he even bet me money her symptoms would clear up! He was right.

SnowyPolarBear · 30/11/2017 20:33

You've said about hygiene in regards to how you clean the kitchen. But what if your MIL isn't washing her hands and then is touching DD's food?

MargaretCavendish · 30/11/2017 20:34

I wouldn't be surprised if it was to do with hygiene, maybe MIL doesn't make sure she washes her hands properly after the toilet or before lunch, as has been suggested by a previous poster.

There is zero chance that this would give the DD the same symptoms of the same duration every single week.

corythatwas · 30/11/2017 20:35

MargaretCavendish Thu 30-Nov-17 20:34:25

"I wouldn't be surprised if it was to do with hygiene, maybe MIL doesn't make sure she washes her hands properly after the toilet or before lunch, as has been suggested by a previous poster.

There is zero chance that this would give the DD the same symptoms of the same duration every single week."

This.

LetsSplashMummy · 30/11/2017 20:39

How was she (DD) when potty training? My DD was a bit anxious and routine-y so struggled to poo unless everything was just so. It could be her holding on and not pooing while Grandma is there?

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 30/11/2017 20:40

Ask mil if she is bringing sweets for your Dd.

BertieBotts · 30/11/2017 20:44

I honestly think it's extremely unlikely to be hygiene related. People seem to think bad hygiene is an instant, guaranteed, bam, illness. It's not the case - it's simply that good hygiene reduces the chances of illness.

Food diary for everyone is an excellent idea.

ILoveDolly · 30/11/2017 20:51

One of my children has a lot of gastric problems with various fruits, even in small amounts, but the others would get sick if they ate large amounts. The timescale is usually quite small for seeing those effects. My best guess here is that MIL is giving too much fruit or dried fruit which can have a terrible effect as well. Alternatively, sugar free sweets are similar.
I think you have to be honest and tell her you know she wouldn't hurt dd on purpose but maybe she has developed a food intolerance that needs to be uncovered.

twinkletoes1994 · 30/11/2017 20:52

I had a similar issue when my MIL was looking after my daughter while I was at work...
My daughter would have a poorly tummy and end up filling her nappy with diarrhoea
It was some times yellow like the poos she would have when she was 4-6 months old.

It turned out MIL WASN'T feeding my daughter any solid food she was just feeding her lots and lots of bottles Angry
My daughter is 1 next week.

SameWitches · 30/11/2017 20:56

My dsis had this with dn and her grandmother, dn would come back from granny's with a stomach ache and the shits nearly every time. Upon investigation it turned out that when granny said she was giving dn orange juice and water she was giving actual orange juice with a small slug of water rather than squash. Dn didn't have the juice any other time and it really upset her guts. It took a while to work out only because dsis assumed squash and her MIL didn't realise OJ could cause a runny tummy in a small child.

kinkajoukid · 30/11/2017 21:02

Agree that food diary is a good idea. I used to get a funny tummy ans sick feeling from squash as a kid.

But I also, I wondered if it could be abdominal migraines - a friend had them when she was young and felt as you describe. She gets a classic migraine headache now but with some extra stomach pain.

It can be triggered by a food item or quantity of a food item combined with a stressful/ exciting day. It is a variation of migraine that is children and can cause the symptoms you describe. Sometimes triggered by foods like Chocolate
Cheese
Citrus fruits
Chinese foods, particularly if it contains monosodium glutamate,Preserved meats such as hot dogs and sausages
Alcohol
[https://migraine.com/migraine-types/abdominal-migraine/]

Just a thought

Rubies12345 · 30/11/2017 21:05

Cheese sandwich? I bet it's the cheese, maybe she's become lactose intolerant.

Brightredpencil · 30/11/2017 21:06

Does your MIL cook food? It might be a kind of generational thing like my Mum who boils veg until it's basically grey and mushy. My partner and I ALWAYS had tummy problems after her roast lunches.

butterfly198615 · 30/11/2017 21:06

My daughter gets like this with certain school dinners. And lately she has been poorly each week she never gets sick when she is at home at half term do in thinking it's to do with something they use in school dinners or hygiene they don't clean the cutlery properly etc.
The only way you could tell is to not have your little one stay with this person for a couple of weeks and see if your little one gets poorly. If she doesn't you know it's coming from there why your daughter is poorly all.the time after being st your relatives house.

WombOfOnesOwn · 30/11/2017 21:08

You mention that you do a thorough clean of your kitchen every Wednesday. Is it possible that a surface you prepare her breakfast on, before she goes to see your MIL, is retaining some amount of a cleaning product?