Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think MIL is making my child ill somehow?!

155 replies

Timeforanamochango · 30/11/2017 17:49

Once a week my DD is looked after by MIL at our house while We work, the other days are all preschool/us. I’m very greatful for the childcare she provides before I’m blasted as ungreatful!

MIL always has her on a Thursday until 2.30. Every Thursday afternoon/evening for the last 5 weeks she’s had a horrendous tummy ache/diarrhoea/usually up at night in pain with her tummy.

I’ve asked MIL what she’s feeding her and it’s all normal stuff that she has regularly. MIL insists she’s not feeding her crap all day (which I do believe as she can only really feed her what’s in the house and we don’t have a lot of crap in)

AIBU to think this can’t be a coincidence? What could be causing this? DP says it must be completely unrelated to MIL and I’m just saying it’s to do with her because I don’t like her! She’s never ill on any other day and is always recovered by the Friday evening (my day off with her!)

OP posts:
Skittlesandbeer · 30/11/2017 21:08

I’d mark the milk carton, just to be sure. If as you say, your dd doesn’t normally drink it then it would be a good bet that even a glassfull could trigger a runny tummy upset. Nothing wrong with milk, just we humans have differing rates of coping with it.

Other things I’d investigate: the temperature in the house (could mil be changing it, then changing it back?) and what games they’re playing (anything that physically shakes dd’s tummy around or causes lots of happy stress like hide and seek?). These games around mealtimes would have triggered some gastric symptoms in my dd at that age?

And I agree wholeheartedly that no hygiene issue could trigger exactly the same symptoms each week.

Aridane · 30/11/2017 21:09

Hmm to the webcam suggestion

IHeartKingThistle · 30/11/2017 21:11

My nephew goes to his dad's one weekend every month, always has. For years, whenever he was there he would wake up in the morning and vomit. Completely fine otherwise and doesn't do it now (age 7).

He gets travel sick so quite a sensitive stomach. I always wondered if it was just because of the change in routine, homesickness maybe.

Bigboobielou · 30/11/2017 21:14

Is your MIL sneaky, stubborn or known to lie? I think she must be giving your DD something that’s causing the sickness but not admitting it ?

Maybe she feels she knows best (as you said) so she feels she shouldn’t have to tell you what she feeds your DD, even if it’s making her ill Angry

lougle · 30/11/2017 21:18

My first thought, when I read the list of symptoms, was salt. But necessarily deliberate, but the foods you've listed are all quite high in salt for a small child anyway. The recommended daily intake is no more than 2g per day for a 3 year old. The bread would have 0.7g (based on 2 slices of medium white bread), vegetable spread 0.15g (based on a 10g serving), cheese 0.54g (based on a 30g serving), biscuit 0.2g, so that totals 1.6g of her daily allowance, without breakfast or dinner.

Does she drink for your MIL?

Aweektilltheseason · 30/11/2017 21:20

Anxiety, upset....maybe she doesn't like being with your Mil?

Charolais · 30/11/2017 21:22

My late step mother-in-law was a slob. (There is no other word to describe her really). I never let my baby alone with her because of her poor personal hygiene. The first time she saw my baby he was 7 months old and she allowed her little dog to put its tongue inside my baby’s mouth. It last only as long as it took me to fly across the room - screaming, “Noooooooooo”.

She also often left food out to spoil and wasn’t bothered by flies setting up residence in the previous mentioned food. She always complained of chronic diarrhea.

Sara107 · 30/11/2017 21:24

It's unlikely to be hygiene. Most bacteria and viruses incubate for 12 to 48 hours, so if mil was infecting her from unwashed hands or something she would come down with the sickness on Friday or Saturday, not Thursday afternoon. Where is she on Tuesday and Wednesday? Although getting a tummy bug every week seems unlikely. Could you take Thursday off to look after her, and see if she is sick without mil in the equation.

BertieBotts · 30/11/2017 21:29

At 3 I do agree it could be constipation due to being anxious to poo in somebody else's presence. DS used to get like this actually.

LIZS · 30/11/2017 21:35

Does granny eat mints or other sweets?

Lizzie48 · 30/11/2017 21:36

I would definitely stop having your MIL babysit for a while and see if there is a noticeable difference.

FireCracker2 · 30/11/2017 21:40

Do you criticise MIL when she has gone?
You say you don't like her and your kid has picked up on /overheard this .This could cause her a lot of conflict

zzzzz · 30/11/2017 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

quizqueen · 30/11/2017 21:43

Two things to try for a few weeks if the diary idea doesn't reveal anything untoward, as you still have to rely on it being filled in accurately!

  • Don't clean the kitchen on a Wednesday.
  • Clean the kitchen as usual but ask someone else to look after your daughter for a few weeks under the same circumstances (sister/friend/aunt/neighbour/husband?). If your MiL is bringing in secret sweets/chocolate etc. she may be sneaking out the wrappers too!!!
Standardpubquizname · 30/11/2017 21:51

Is she in preschool on Wednesday afternoons? Perhaps check what shes eating then as there may be a delayed reaction.

unimagmative13 · 30/11/2017 21:55

Yep this happened to us.

We just say we aren't sure what it is your giving him but he's really ill please stick to what we provide

Marcipex · 30/11/2017 21:58

My guess would be sugar free sweets. Lots of people think 'sugar free' means 'good for you.' and grandma thinks you'll never know.
They work quite fast as a laxative, seems to fit the short time frame.

quizqueen · 30/11/2017 22:01

Sorry, third idea

  • clean kitchen as usual, ask nursery if it's possible to swap days for a while to see what happens after MiL has her on a different day.
steff13 · 30/11/2017 22:05

Well, if it started 5 weeks ago, obviously something changed 5 weeks ago. Can you sit down and try to think what that was?

It's very unlikely your MIL is poisoning her on purpose. I'd tell her that your daughter has been ill (you don't have to specify it's only after she sees her), so you're being very careful with her diet to try to find out what it is. Have her write down everything she eats and ask her to only give her what you provide.

What does your husband say?

BinkyandBunty · 30/11/2017 22:20

My vote is for sugar free mints or sweets too. She's probably started sharing something she normally keeps in her handbag for herself.

My mother only had to do that once to start a habit for my kids where they asked every time they saw her. A habit she was happy to encourage because they'd crawl all over her lap when they'd been standoffish with her previously.

BertrandRussell · 30/11/2017 23:37

"I would definitely stop having your MIL babysit for a while and see if there is a noticeable difference."
Because mils have no feelings and won't be remotely bothered by this-and will happily pick up the baby sitting again once it's shown that she isn't poisoning her grandchild.....

lalliella · 30/11/2017 23:44

Is your MIL Mary on Coronation Street?

TovaGoldCoin · 30/11/2017 23:44

A child in my class was having awful cramps and explosive diarrhoea. Turned out dad was giving them free access to his sugar free polo's.

Witchend · 01/12/2017 00:27

Can happen though as a coincidence. DD1 aged about a year I phoned the doctor at 4:55 (it closed at 5) on Friday 4 weeks running with the same symptoms.
DD2 for years had only been to A&E twice-exactly a fortnight apart.

StarWarsFanatic · 01/12/2017 00:36

I used to watch my sister's son two nights a week and he was always sick on one of them but I lived with them and often did the cooking so it wasn't anything different than he was used to, it did seem to be a coincidence Confused. Similarly, it only seemed to be days that I picked him up from nursery that I had to sign something because he had bitten another child, he never did it when sister picked him up. (I would always find a bite mark on him because it turns out it was retaliatory)