WIBU? I feel so guilty!!

[notsohippychick]

Ok so I think I need to be told to toughen up. But Im stewing, a lot.

To cut a long story short, the school have failed to provide adequate extra support for my son. He has ASD. He is overlooked and there is no support in place for him and falling behind.

I called a meeting with the school and as I was so angry. I prepared for the meeting really wanted to be calm, but firm.

Problem is I wasn’t calm. I was enraged. They had made a huge error about something I just couldn’t be calm about. I didn’t shout,but I feel like a horrible person. My voice was raised enough for the head teacher to intervene and come in the room.

Emotions were running high as I’m just so disappointed at the school. They did admit their failings but I can’t stop thinking about how I looked like a lunatic!!

I hate confrontation, and I know as SEN I have to get tough but I’m just not that person.

Has anyone else ever had a run in with a teacher? Did you feel bad? I can’t stop stressing! A good result, but I feel so embarrassed that I lost the plot!

This is what annoys me as a teacher. I understand you are paying for this assessment but are you paying for it to be implemented? Are you paying for a TA or teacher's time to deliver it? When should it happen? When they should be teaching the other 29 children? Or in their unpaid lunch break? Full provision of 1:1 for a child is funded at £9000 a year, a TA with enough experience to provide it costs £18000 a year. Guess where the extra money comes from. This is where the issue lies with schools failing SEN children. The will is there but the money and time is not. Don't suggest that you are the only one fighting - to complete a matrix of provision to submit to the LEA for funding for each child took me 22 hours of my own unpaid time. Don't give the school a hard time just because they are the face of a shitty system they hate just as much as you do!

Coyote is sadly right. I work with people who run residential care for Adults with severe Autism. They tell me that without exception if they have a client with all of the relevent support and funding in place. They have a parent who advocates for them.

Yes, schools are underfunded and teachers are horrendously overworked. But ultimately, that isnt your problem. Your focus is to make sure your son has the education he needs. Here is where tunnel vision comes in handy.

Oh and DONT apologise. Say that in hindsight you could have said it differently (if you must) but you stand by what you said.

Thick skin OP. And a chocolate bar. X

Champagneandthestars and Pengggwn, thank you so much for explaining to all the posters why some parents of kids with special needs are angry at meetings, and why it is good for the head of the school to be aware of the situation. You've done a lovely job of showing why that's necessary -- because it is the only way that kids get what they need. There isn't enough to go around, so the kids whose parents show up angry get taken care of.

This is what annoys me as a teacher. I understand you are paying for this assessment but are you paying for it to be implemented? Are you paying for a TA or teacher's time to deliver it? When should it happen? When they should be teaching the other 29 children? Or in their unpaid lunch break? Full provision of 1:1 for a child is funded at £9000 a year, a TA with enough experience to provide it costs £18000 a year. Guess where the extra money comes from. This is where the issue lies with schools failing SEN children. The will is there but the money and time is not. Don't suggest that you are the only one fighting - to complete a matrix of provision to submit to the LEA for funding for each child took me 22 hours of my own unpaid time. Don't give the school a hard time just because they are the face of a shitty system they hate just as much as you do!

I was going to add something in this vein but it's been done better already.

Teachers don't want to let down children with extra needs. Sometimes they are in an impossible situation trying to accommodate the needs of all the children in their care. They cannot prioritise one. Get angry at the lack of funding not the poor person struggling to do their job.

Pengggwn that's why it is so wonderful that the head came into the meeting. Because of teachers like you.

You were upset, it isn't as ifyou marched up to the school and started bawling the teacher out. Speaking up and 5fighting for children with SEN is frustrating to say the least sometimes being calm and measured isn't always possible apologise and move on to the next bloody thing you need to deal with I am sorry your child is being let down.

I have had to go in to bat for my DC on many occasions at school. The last time, DD2 had moved mid-term to a new school and had to take a new class, as a subject she was previously taking wasn't available in the new school. She has severe dyslexia. The other class teachers were able to help her with the stuff she had missed, but this new subject teacher was apparently unable to read DD's file and discover she was dyslexic. I took her to task over that. She replied that she didn't have time to learn about 'every new pupil in her classes'. DD was the only new pupil she had and only GCSE and upwards took that class. I complained. The school did nothing, so I complained again and said I would take it to the LA. The teacher told me that LA would not believe a parent over a teacher. That was a red rag to a bull. I went to the LA, where the head of education was someone I had known for 30 years. Mine was not the first complaint about the teacher - it was the last.

Stand up for your child. It is hard, but you did the right thing.

What would I have done wrong in this hypothetical situation, other than assert my right not be shouted at or have people raise their voices at me in a meeting?

Refused to follow the plan for a student with special needs.

@Champagneandthestars

I'm sure Op is more than aware of the government's shortcomings in education. Unfortunately on this occasion she had to address the front line - because that's where the initial failure lay. If the school have advised they will uphold a support plan, the first person to cop it when they don't will be the person that hadn't upheld it - the teacher.