WIBU? I feel so guilty!!

[notsohippychick]

Ok so I think I need to be told to toughen up. But Im stewing, a lot.

To cut a long story short, the school have failed to provide adequate extra support for my son. He has ASD. He is overlooked and there is no support in place for him and falling behind.

I called a meeting with the school and as I was so angry. I prepared for the meeting really wanted to be calm, but firm.

Problem is I wasn’t calm. I was enraged. They had made a huge error about something I just couldn’t be calm about. I didn’t shout,but I feel like a horrible person. My voice was raised enough for the head teacher to intervene and come in the room.

Emotions were running high as I’m just so disappointed at the school. They did admit their failings but I can’t stop thinking about how I looked like a lunatic!!

I hate confrontation, and I know as SEN I have to get tough but I’m just not that person.

Has anyone else ever had a run in with a teacher? Did you feel bad? I can’t stop stressing! A good result, but I feel so embarrassed that I lost the plot!

I just would like to point out, in case it’s relevant that my youngest son got diagnosed this week with ASD too. I knew it was coming but it’s still shit.

I suppose I realised that he would be going to the school too in two years. I just needed them to understand they can’t fail children like this. Or any child.

Yes I’ll definitely follow up with an email. Good idea x

No, you aren't and weren't unreasonable.

If they have dropped the ball in looking after your child at school, you have every right to be annoyed and for them to know that.

My son has ASD too and I have previously been in this position, gone home and though oh I could have done this or that differently but it doesn't matter.

OP, ignore the nitpickers.

You were frustrated and out of your comfort zone. Maybe you were more strident than usual because you needed to advocate for your son and it sound as though you feel that you so far haven't been taken seriously enough. It happens, but let's just hope that you have now got the point across more successfully.

Yes I’ll definitely follow up with an email. Good idea x

I've spoken very firmly and at one point talked over a teacher at a parents evening. It was very embarrassing, basically telling me what a shit my son in full view and earshot of other parents. My son has ASD and it turns out the teacher was unaware. Messages between this teacher and my sons LSA weren't being relayed to his tutor and I was totally unaware of a problem. I felt ambushed and I was trying to contain my two other much younger kids while trying to hold an adult conversation. I feel no guilt about having to assert myself to that teacher but I do feel bad about the other parents who had to see it. I was escorted into the year heads office where I sobbed my eyes out from the adrenaline. She got it all sorted though and I never went to another parents evening again - result.

chickenowner well you're a delight aren't you? Trying to do down a SN mum who has said she's having a harm time at the moment. Nice.

OP I totally get where you are coming from because, like you, I have SN kids at school and it is soooooo tough. People who have the luxury of NT kids wouldn't possibly realise how difficult and frustrating it can be to get our kids' needs met. I lost my rag at school once because I was so fed up of banging my head against a brick wall. Don't beat yourself up you are only human and in the end it will probably help them realise how difficult it is for you/ your DC at the moment.

It is nothing like ranting at a teacher over something insignificant which sadly goes on way too often and I can only think Chicken thinks you are 'that' parent which you so clearly are not!

should say 'hard time ' not 'harm time'

You were so angry your emotions got the better of you but don't feel guilty. the school have admitted they failed your son so what are they going to do about it? In my experience some schools are very good at stringing things out and putting off action that is needed.

I have cried in meetings about my SN son and was totally mortified. I now prefer to communicate via email and try to make sure DH with me if not possible.

I have also walked out on a meeting with the Head and told him it was pointless talking to him, which he was furious about .

I have also told a teacher that she was extremely rude when she kept talking over me so I couldn't respond to a comment she made. She told me I was rude too.

Meh!

Unfortunately when dealing with schools and SN DC, unless you are extremely lucky, it goes with the territory so I have learned.

It's not ideal but it's perfectly understandable that you got frustrated and raised your voice. Don't feel bad, you did it for the best reasons. If it were me I'd use it as an opportunity to reiterate some concerns. Send an email saying sorry if things got heated but your concerns are this, this and this and such and such needs to happen. (Sorry not sorry).

OP, if you raised your voice to the point that the Head heard and came into the room, I would say you were being unreasonable.
But OP said (I think) that the door was open. That just means his hearing is fine.

Blimey! Here we have a mum who got upset in a meeting and the key focus of this thread is whether she did or didn't shout. FFS.

The key issue here is a mum who has has a shit day because she feels that her ds is being failed. So let's have a bit more compassion and move on from the (not) shouting.

The follow up email would be a good idea. But I will add what I put in my PP, notso look after yourself tonight and the next few days. You've obviously had a tough week

OP, if you raised your voice to the point that the Head heard and came into the room, I would say you were being unreasonable. Yes, emotions got the better of you, but in a professional conversation and environment there is no place for it

OP was not in a professional conversation, she was distressed because the professionals supposed to be safeguarding and supporting her child, weren’t. I’m willing to bet you’ve never had to fight for your child especially where SN are involved. Soul destroying is not the word.

Thanks for everyone’s replies.

I’ll put the complaint into context.

What happened is that I have been paying for a service, which ultimately the school should have provided. They told me he didn’t need this provision but I knew he did and was getting nowhere.

I commissioned someone to go in and do an assessment with the schools agreement. The assessment pinpointed that his language skills are currently at reception level. He is nearly 7.

The professional has been going in and working with him and giving the teacher relevant tasks to back and reinforce her work.

It has come to light that despite me paying for this service, which we can’t really afford, The teachers have not been doing the supporting work. At all. For 8 weeks. Which begged the question, if he’s not getting the support which we’ve handed to them in a plate, what else isn’t he getting?

And I was right. Nothing even though I was told he was being supported in areas he found hard.

So that’s the back story. So you can see why I’m a tad frustrated with them.

If the school were doing the job they’re paid to do, OP wouldn’t have got upset would she? Too many schools are failing kids with SN/SEN and complaining it’s above their pay grade. Meanwhile there are hundreds of children just being written off and nothing is happening.

Cross post with OP.
No wonder you raised your voice OP, they sound dreadful!

Pengggwn OP is not a professional just to be pendantic but I am sure the 'professionals' have dealt with worse and surely expect cross parents in a situation where they have fucked up in a situation as important as a child's education.

She was coming into class an hour a week, and making the therapy tie into the work that was being focused on.

She would then advise the teacher what to work on with him to reinforce what had been done. Nothing too unreasonable. She provided the materials which are all in a folder. It wasn’t a big ask. Even if it was only ten minutes here and there.