WIBU? I feel so guilty!!

[notsohippychick]

Ok so I think I need to be told to toughen up. But Im stewing, a lot.

To cut a long story short, the school have failed to provide adequate extra support for my son. He has ASD. He is overlooked and there is no support in place for him and falling behind.

I called a meeting with the school and as I was so angry. I prepared for the meeting really wanted to be calm, but firm.

Problem is I wasn’t calm. I was enraged. They had made a huge error about something I just couldn’t be calm about. I didn’t shout,but I feel like a horrible person. My voice was raised enough for the head teacher to intervene and come in the room.

Emotions were running high as I’m just so disappointed at the school. They did admit their failings but I can’t stop thinking about how I looked like a lunatic!!

I hate confrontation, and I know as SEN I have to get tough but I’m just not that person.

Has anyone else ever had a run in with a teacher? Did you feel bad? I can’t stop stressing! A good result, but I feel so embarrassed that I lost the plot!

Yes. Of course!!!!!!

That’s the thing, they didn’t give a reason at all. But they did admit it was poor form!

It’s all a bit of a mess!!

There were no records of any support which they provide, no evidence of any IEP activities put in place.

My gripe is that they constantly tell me he doesn’t fit the criteria for an EHCP. Which I accept. But they not providing him with reasonable adjustments for his learning from school provision.

In my naive way, I thought they were. But it’s clear nothing has been put in place.

Thank you I appreciate that.

I suppose I feel so rubbish is that not only did I not want to be a hassling parent, but my trust has gone. I feel sad about that.

I hate complaining. I feel really embarrassed about the whole debacle!

OP it is understandable. You probably were much more contained than I was when I wanted a meeting with the Head when my DD was being bullied, 9 year old sobbing and saying she wanted to be dead. He saw me and knew I wasn't happy, grabbed his coat and said he was on playground duty, it was about quarter to nine and playground was full of kids and parents saying their goodbyes. I started to tell him what was going on, ended up sobbing and making a total spectacle of myself and he looked like he would like to be anywhere in the world rather than where he was. I would love to say he sorted it out but it took months before he actually took it seriously and did something about it.

I would have shouted.

OP, you need to put what happened in your 'meeting' in writing, and what you have now agreed with the school as a result. Get the school to confirm your understanding of the meeting and clarify what they will be doing going forward in terms of interventions and support for your son. CC the Senco lead in your school, who should have been involved anyway.

Insist on regular follow up meetings to make sure your son is getting the support he is entitled to, needs and to make sure he's making progress.

Nothing wrong with a mum looking and sounding upset when people you trust let you down.

Schools should buck up as teachers get enough holidays to 'recover'.

Personally, I deeply regret how I failed to notice enough and confront the school for over two years of DC being bullied. I trusted the school would keep an eye out for such things. Turned out school knew about it but the main bully was the DC of one of the governors and they chose to ignore my DC's problem until an outside member of the public (not made known to me) independently reported to the school the taunting/threats that the bullies were caught enacting on my DC. Then they had to call us in to discuss this and even then tried to make out my DC must have been at fault as DC looked goth-like, tall and strong and not your usual 'victim' of bullying.

I hate that state of superiority teachers adopt.

@chickenowner

I didn't accuse you if shouting.

Yes you did OP.

Stop being such a bully and calm down.

Pot.kettle.black.

if you shout at school again you may find that you are no longer allowed on the premises.

So you admit you accused people of shouting?

You're embarrasing yourself. Get a grip.

Also my son, who loved school is no longer willing to go. After this happening many times and his behaviours worsening at home he finally admitted he’s finding the work too hard, and no one was helping him.

As a parent I want him to love learning. It’s showing in his work as he has dropped significantly to below average on every subject. He struggles socially and is also quite isolated.

I am a teacher and due to the specific role I am in tend to be the one who gets it in the ear by frustrated and upset parents.

I have never been ‘shouted at’ but there have been raised voices and frustration. For the most part I understand it and I don’t give it much though beyond trying to see how we can make things better. Occasionally parents have got back in touch later (sometimes much later) to apologise. I would say that this is usually when the relationship has been repaired and trust restored a bit.

I don’t have a magic wand and there are some things which are beyond my control but I also understand that parents are worried and anxious about their children.

Op, if you felt ou were eventually heard and taken seriously then an email or a phone call would help both your conscience and aid the long term relationship with the School

No one likes being shouted at.
Going home and crying and then acting like a dick on a thread like this is somewhat of an over reaction IMO.

Lots of us work with parents/families. Every day in very difficult situations.
Imagine going home and taking to your bed every time someone was angry

OP you sound like a nice person pushed to their limit in a difficult week. You got cross, you apologise. Don't let your guilt add to your stress. You need your energy for other things.

Professionals working with families should know the difference between an aggressive person and a usually calm person who is upset.

I hope things will change for your DC.

OP you sound like a nice person pushed to their limit in a difficult week. You got cross, you apologise. Don't let your guilt add to your stress. You need your energy for other things.

Absolutely!

Professionals working with families should know the difference between an aggressive person and a usually calm person who is upset

Spot on.

Pengggwn

Dealing with 'difficult situations' isn't really in the job description.

But surely helping a child to learn and reach their potential is?

Communicating with parents professionally regarding their child's progress is, but that shouldn't involve people shouting at them

No it shouldn’t, but it should involve the teachers having done their jobs properly! And OP has stated repeatedly that she didn’t shout, she raised her voice in distress.

Hi OP,

My son has SN and was utterly failed by his first school...they had zero excuse. They all but destroyed his self esteem. I won't bore you with the details.

In securing decent support for him I may...on occasion...have become a tad more angry than I would like to have been. I'm not proud of it...however...you may be surprised at how motivated people can suddenly become when you lose a bit of your grip.

Like I said before Pengggwn, it is soul destroying being faced with educators who don’t do what is legally necessary and required for children with SN/SEN. I’m not going to harass or castigate a Mum who is desperately trying to help her child in the face of apathy.