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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why won't she buy clothes that fit??!!!

209 replies

BabyLlama · 28/11/2017 19:55

This is NOT a MIL bashing thread. My MIL is an extremely generous lady and has helped us no end - however she keeps buying my DD too-small clothes. My DD is almost 3 and is very tall for her age and has been wearing 3-4 year clothing for the last 3 months. My DH and I have both told MIL this and she she does see our DD regularly and is always buying her a new outfit (which we are both grateful for), but it's always 2-3 years. I don't like her wasting her money on something that our DD will never even wear, and we have tried over and over again to tell her that 2-3 years is too small.
I don't want to come across as grabby or ungrateful, but also feel bad that my DD simply doesn't fit into the clothes that MIL has so generously bought for her.

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 30/11/2017 09:32

Very strange tbh

I'd say after the first few times she's actualky trying to be a cow now and make a point. Why else would you constantly ignore someome.

Stop being so damn nice when she's trying to make you out to be the bad guy for not using the clothes. I don't think I could excuse the behaviour any more. She's not generous at all.

Not hard to ask or put in a gift receipt or just listen ffs

Elendon · 30/11/2017 09:35

I'm having this problem with my ex, because he gets DS (16) tops that are too small for him and even coats.

It's not as if he doesn't see him often either. Drives me nuts because I then have to buy him clothes that do fit.

I did drop a hint or several that he now gets his clothes from the men's department. Age 16 simply doesn't cut it.

If she won't listen to you or your husband then there is nothing you can do but put them in a drawer, bring them back for exchange, or donate them to charity.

Mittens1969 · 30/11/2017 10:36

My MIL used to do that, thankfully she has learnt now. Just as well, as she will take offence if we give presents away. That's all you can do really if the clothes are genuinely too small. I don't get why anyone would buy clothes that are too small as a present, surely the obvious thing to do is to buy clothes that are too big, so that you know it will fit eventually???

tigercub50 · 30/11/2017 12:03

DD is 8 but quite tall & a bit overweight so she usually wears age 12 to 13.
It does seem odd. I have a similar thing with a friend who, no matter how many times I correct her ( in writing as she lives abroad), she still spells DD’s name wrong. Just don’t get it!

Bigthoughtswoman · 30/11/2017 12:11

My Mil did this for years....£100’s wasted, I would say the size needed, each year when she asked, she would get a size smaller, and she pulled all of the tags off too. They were new, but useless, year after year.
Very strange people, and in effect my children never got presents from PIL because of it...

Bigthoughtswoman · 30/11/2017 12:13

My Mil did this for years....£100’s wasted, I would say the size needed, each year when she asked, she would get a size smaller, and she pulled all of the tags off too. They were new, but useless, year after year.
Very strange people, and in effect my children never got presents from PIL because of it...

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 30/11/2017 12:21

So when she says "why doedn't she wear the clothes I bought her?" and you say "because they were the wrong size, like we told you", what is her response? Does she give you a funny look? Ignore you? Or does she say she'll buy 3-4 and then just not? When she gives you something and you say "sorry it's too small, can you exchange it?", what does she then do?

Bigthoughtswoman · 30/11/2017 12:51

Withbmy in laws, saw them months apart, sometimes the younger one could fit in something, sometimes neither..they were odd, when I said once they were a little small, she took a terrific huff..as they got to teens, she gave vouchers 😀

ohlittlepea · 30/11/2017 12:59

Ravingroo is actually raving. Just as adults vary in heights and builds so do children. My child is average height for a five year old shes 3, she wears 4-5 years clothes she was born 52cm and 8lbs husband and i are taller than average. Friends baby born at 5lbs 2 and 45 cm is much shorter and wears 2-3 yrs clothes aged 3. 2-3 goes round my daughter's tummy but the hem stops at her belly button 😂 not overweight. just tall.

AvoidingDM · 30/11/2017 13:43

Who knows why people do it. Part of it is the way clothes are sized ie. 4-5 is intended to fit the average child between their 4th and 5th birthdays so on their 5th birthday they should be starting to wear 5-6 in theory perfectly average child.

I have a shorty who wears a size down sometimes two sizes down. I hate people buying him clothes. They all insist on buying the correct age. So 6 year old (almost 7) who's wearing 4-5 I guarantee this Christmas he'll get stuff that's 7-8 so into the cupboard it goes in the hope he might want to wear it in a year or 2.
By which point he might have out grown the character or the design. I could also buy stuff that far in advance for half the price in the sales.

What I really really don't understand is people who don't hand over gift receipts or even worse cut the tags off. If they are cutting tags off are they buying 2nd hand?

hks · 30/11/2017 13:43

i know how you feel same issue with my Sil, its soo annoying and upsetting for the kids esp if they like what was bought but doesnt fit and she usually buys them clothing items in the sale rail , so its not as if i could go and get next size up !!!!

WhyOhWine · 30/11/2017 15:17

COuld you tell her next time that it is actually starting to upset you now because you have told her so many times to buy bigger sizes that it is starting to feel like she is making some kind of point about DD's size which you are sure she does not mean. And also that itis upsetting for DD to get all these lovely clothes which she cant wear and that if she keeps doing it as DD gets older it could contribute to body image issues.

Otherwise I would just give/send that back every time with a note "sorry, this does not fit as mentioned before."

Protectingmydaughterfromfilth · 30/11/2017 15:26

OP - When she asked why they never wear the clothes she buys, did you not sit her down and TELL her that it is simply because they do not ft! I know you've told her numerous times before, but if you make a big deal out of telling her this when she asks herself, it may go in!!!

Protectingmydaughterfromfilth · 30/11/2017 15:32

What a lot of people don't seem to realise, is that an item of clothing that is say 'Age 3' then that is equivalent to 2-3. So 3 being the presumed maximum age (on average) that it will fit. So the cardigan that was Age 3 was actually 2-3. So your little one needs Age 4 cardigan or 3-4

Protectingmydaughterfromfilth · 30/11/2017 15:33

DrRanj We don't seem to be getting these answers from OP!

Littlenic73 · 30/11/2017 17:14

Tell her that your daughter is tall and could she get at least one if not 2 sizes older so that if in doubt, it will be too big and she'll get to wear it. Also mention that some of the shop sizes are a bit flaky and sometimes come up small (eg. Tesco are always smaller than the label says in my experience). It's easier to wear something that is too big than too
small.

Sprogletsmuvva · 30/11/2017 17:35

On the flip side...

DM and I were on a shopping trip for school clothes when I was about to start Y7 ie age 11-12. Not sure what got me suggesting Mothercare, but in there was the perfect skirt: box pleats, waist fit perfectly, knee length. Cheaper than expected, too.

It was actually a mid-calf-length skirt for age 5-6 (and yes, of course we ignored the label).

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 30/11/2017 19:35

protectingmydaughterfromfilth I know... I can't imagine instructing/advising someone on something innumerable times and it not coming to some sort of a head. Can't help that feel OP has not been very direct in this situation and has rather been dropping hints instead. Some folk are impervious to hints. If I were in that sitaution, the second or third time it happened I would very directly be questioning why, with no room for escape without explanation! Just by asking the questions I posed earlier, surely. OP must have done this and I want to know what the explanation was!

Original poster
BabyLlama · 30/11/2017 22:25

Each time my DH and I tell her the clothes won't fit she doesn't say anything. She just buys the same size the next time. She will later ask why DD isn't wearing the clothes and then it's the whole rigmarole again. I'm not saying anything again as there's no point in wasting my breath going over the same tedious thing. It's her money she's wasting. I feel that both my DH and I have done all we can to convince her to buy something that our DD can actually wear, but it's just not working. I'll just say thanks and put them away for a child that they will actually fit. Nothing else has worked.

OP posts:
Protectingmydaughterfromfilth · 30/11/2017 23:00

I know this is a wild jump to conclusions but something in your last post got me wondering..... Does she show any other memory issues? Could it be an early sign of a much bigger issue regarding her state of mind? I know I don't know any of you but I figured it wouldn't hurt to suggest?

Or is she the passive aggressive type?! X

HistoryMad · 30/11/2017 23:11

My mum buys stuff that is way too big. When DS was 3 shed buy stuff for when he is 6!!

bunbunny · 01/12/2017 01:59

Try another underhand tactic - just ask mil if she is doing this on purpose to be mean and upset her gd, or to teach her a lesson although you can't figure out what or for some other reason because your had has noticed that she turns up with all these nice clothes, she wants to wear them but thinks that granny doesn't love her because she only ever buys her clothes that are too small, which is worse than no present as it's effectively reading her with a present but she doesn't get it.

Just make sure your dd isn't in earshot of the conversation to pipe up that she hadn't noticed or similar Grin

Now need an evil laugh smiley to do a good mwah ha ha haasa 😝😜

EnglishRose13 · 01/12/2017 07:32

My MIL insists on buying my child clothes for his age range, not what size he is. He’s 18 months old but he’s just starting to wear 9-12 clothes (he’s tiny!). 18-24 swamp him yet she will ask why he’s not wearing what she’s bought and husband will try to dress him in it to appease her.

Luckily the coat she just bought him will do for next year.

WhyamIBoredathome · 01/12/2017 07:59

I feel your pain OP. My mother in law is abroad. Every time they come they bring a cabin suitcase full of clothes for the kids. This is lovely and generous but pains me because most of it never gets worn.
The things she buys are either
a) too small
B) totally unsuitable for the season (they live in a hot country)
C) surplus to what kids need. Eg last year in mid January she bought the kids loads of winter clothes in the sale but they obviously had a full winter wardrobe by then so didn't need 4 more jumpers each that wouldn't fit the following year.

I've tried nicely saying please don't bring clothes this time, they really don't need anything but it doesn't work.

I'm grateful that she makes the effort but it makes me feel so bad that all this stuff goes unworn. Especially when it is probably made by kids in a sweatshop because it's super cheap brands.

shakingmyhead1 · 01/12/2017 08:01

RavingRoo
when my son was a toddler he was taller than some 6 and 7 year olds, when he started school he was the tallest child in the year1, 2 and 3 classes ( and a lot of the year 4 children), so it is highly possible that the child is simply tall and needs a bigger size,
my son is 9 now and wears a size 12 jean/pants so they fit his leg length, the waists have to be adjusted to tiny though ( im 5' 1.5" and the top of his head is my eye level)
for anyone wondering he had a rough time of it as a toddler being so tall, kids his own ages wouldn't play with him because he was so tall and i guessed looked way to big to them and often parents would glare at us when we played on the preschooler type play areas

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