Why won't she buy clothes that fit??!!!

[BabyLlama]

This is NOT a MIL bashing thread. My MIL is an extremely generous lady and has helped us no end - however she keeps buying my DD too-small clothes. My DD is almost 3 and is very tall for her age and has been wearing 3-4 year clothing for the last 3 months. My DH and I have both told MIL this and she she does see our DD regularly and is always buying her a new outfit (which we are both grateful for), but it's always 2-3 years. I don't like her wasting her money on something that our DD will never even wear, and we have tried over and over again to tell her that 2-3 years is too small.
I don't want to come across as grabby or ungrateful, but also feel bad that my DD simply doesn't fit into the clothes that MIL has so generously bought for her.

"Tbh I find it hard to believe a 2 yo is as tall as a 3 or 4 yo - especially considering most child sizes are quite big nowadays"
What a strange comment, my 8 year old is as tall as some of her teachers and in age 12, at almost 3 she would have been in age 5 though she was skinny which was problematic, I appreciate its an odd concept that kids are different sizes seeing as adults are all a standardised height and weight.
I would just keep giving them back to her saying thank you so much for the gesture but they are too small and as I do not have the time to exchange them could you maybe get your money back as i'd hate to see you out of pocket for clothing she couldn't possibly wear.

Local 5 year old is as tall as my 13 year old.
DS started school on 2 year old clothes (couldn't buy proper uniform)

Just start a pile of clothes that don't fit, and stick it on there and ignore stop letting it worry you

There no consistency in clothes sizes at all.

I'm still waiting for DD to grow into some age 2-3 vests I bought. She is nearly 6

In the light of this thread, I actually went and checked the heights on DD’s clothing labels against the height charts in her Red Book (well, a woman needs something to when she’s off sick but not continuously ill...).
They tend to track around the 91st-98th centiles for age. Which suggests a few possibilities:

1. Around 95% of kids do fit ‘right age’ or smaller clothes. Their parents are underrepresented on this thread by definition.
2. The charts are way out of date, and the centile lines should be shifted up several cm.
3. The clothes don’t actually fit the height indicated. This one seems less likely, as DD is around 84cm and is just starting to find 86cm height clothes too small. However, her H&M trousers are still 7cm too long...😂

My 18 month old is in 2 - 3 years clothes. She's tall and bulky. I suspect your MIL is the type of person who throws food away if it's passed the use by date even if you can clearly see it's okay. Can't think outside the box.

I'd take the clothes, say thanks, re-gift them, and when she asks where it is say you gave it to a child it fit.

When my dd was small, she regularly wore at least a year bigger. Now it's about right. However my Sil who usually bought the size bigger would occasionally buy her something because she'd fallen in love with it in the hope it would fit. I suspect your MIL is doing the same. Tell her that children get bigger not smaller so if in doubt buy the bigger size I.e. 4-5 if there's no 3-4 or even 5-6. Or get her to buy in height as most people can't work that out. So say, 104cm or 110cm rather than an age. If all else fails, sell them and buy something else!

My mother bless her was the opposite - anything she bought would be miles too big - to grow into.

Once when we were coming from the hot climate where we lived to the UK in the middle of winter, I asked her to buy dds warm coats - they didn't have any - and bring them to the airport where she and df were meeting us.
I'd told her dds were standard sizes. - they were about 3 and 6 so I'd told dm that age 3 and 6 coats would be fine, and not to buy bigger sizes since they'd need them to fit right away.

She bought age 6 and 9! 'Oh, I thought the smaller ones looked skimpy.'
They were absolutely swimming on them!
Had to stop at BHS on the way back from the airport and change them.

My daughter's godmother does this - always the size down from what she's in. She's 7 and in 7-8 but I can guarantee she will get 6-7 clothes from her for Christmas...she's actually nearer 8 than 7 and is tall. I'm actually buying 8-9 now rather than 7-8. I hate the thought of her wasting money too but she's one of these people who does her Christmas shopping months in advance so the clothes aren't even in the shops any more to exchange.

Btw...my dd is exactly 50 percentile for height and weight. She's a freak of nature as obviously no kid should be the actual average. She used to be called tall but now people see her as tiny for her age. Clothes are generally too big in the waist and too long in the leg, although dresses and tops fit perfectly. I've bought trousers where she's outgrown them before the length is right! Clothing sizes do seem to be climbing up into the higher end. School uniform has always been far too short though!

My son is 11, and for the past 5 years has had to wear clothes 2-4 "ages" bigger than he is....... he is very tall and as thin as a rake ( and yes, I do feed the poor soul now and then!)

DD2 did a year's growth in three weeks just after her first birthday. She was taller than all her peers for years and the boys only caught up with her at school in her final year. DGD turned 2 last month and has been in size 3-4 since the summer. According to her mother, she has chunky thighs, but they seem perfectly in proportion to me, but what do I know? She looks like she is going to be tall and the way she was eating this last weekend, there is another growth spurt about to happen!

I second handing the clothes back - if necessary place them into her hand as she is leaving and thank her profusely, expressing your disappointment that they are the wrong size. Resist all attempts at handing them back. I suspect my MIL would have been the same way if she had been inclined to buy stuff for the kids. Fortunately, she wasn't, so I didn't have to deal with this.

I have the opposite problem with my MIL. My almost three yr old has always been small for his age - we celebrated when he reached the 25th centile for a time a yr ago!! She insists on buying clothes for his age - I have spent the last 3 yrs saying “ that will fit him in a year’s time” or similar. I get annoyed but at least they’ll fit him at some point

I would put the clothes on in front of MIL and tell her that you've told her. Maybe as your DH to talk to her too, she may listen to him more?

I can see that this is very annoying and rather odd - but not much you can do really if she refuses to change. I had something pretty similar- my children needed clothes at least 1 year up from their age . I was given loads of gifts that were never worn- I did recycle quite a few as gifts. But it is odd

My MIL does this, though it is usually with clothes she has knitted herself, so they can't be taken back.

I suggest that she needs to make the jumpers narrower and longer, and knit the sleeves much longer until I am blue in the face. But it makes no difference, and we are presented with a string of lovely woolly jumpers that are far too wide, but with sleeves an inch too short, and that show a good three or four inches of midriff. DD wears them dutifully a few times, then I pass them on to a friend.
MIL must spend a fortune on wool, and so many hours knitting, it's frustrating.

But she just sticks rigidly to the age measurements in her knitting patterns, and they don't fit my DC. I have even measured DD and given MIL the measurements, and yet still the ill-fitting knitwear comes.

DS is the same. He just turned 1 and is wearing the same size clothing as my nephew who is nearly 4.

DH is built like a brick shit house so I think he's taking after his daddy. Although I'm 5ft 10 myself.

It's weird about MIL being told the clothes are too small yet still buys them. You understandably don't want to hurt her feelings yet she should be buying bigger if you've already told her they are too small.

I'd give them straight back and politely say thank you, but you can't use them as they are too small. Also remind her that you've already told her this and she needs to exchange them and you don't want to waste her money.

That's all you can do. Stop accepting them.

I hope it goes well OP.

Same issues here OP. A family member who doesn't seem to understand. My DD is nearly 3 and a half and is tall. 3-4 clothes just don't fit her anymore. Have been buying 4-5 for a while so she's comfortable and gets some wear from them.

Just waiting on an influx of clothes that are too small coming in at Christmas.

This thread reminded me of the other thing about gifts of clothes for the dc which is very frustrating - The off season outfit. My sister is the killer for this. Clothes which fit dd right now but are bought in the sale from the previous season.

It was dds birthday the other day and she got a strappy floaty summer dress that fits her right now. Same when she was born. Mum turned up with summer newborn clothes in November. Then they moan that she never wears them. Well yes. BECAUSE IT'S FREEZING!

OP, I sympathise, SIL and MIL does the same.

When you look at clothing in store, it can look huge/tiny and sometimes when I'm shopping without the children, I find it difficult to judge myself.

Now, when they buy items that are the wrong size, I smile sweetly and ask them to return the item for the next size up. The item then stays with them and it means that it's cluttering up their home, not mine.

My DM is the opposite. She used to buy much bigger clothes for them to "grow into", but we are talking about a couple of years growth

She might for example have bought a top for DD1 when she was age age 4 (and generally wore clothes in the "right" size or size below) in a size 6-7 or 7-8 and said "oh I saw this top with a tiger on and bought it for DD1 as I know she loves tigers".

Well yes, she did love tigers but the top was far too big so (1) DD1 was disappointed that she could not wear it, and (2) by the time the top did fit the love of tigers had passed!

DC are teens now and she knows not to even try!

Could you ask if she would take you shopping? Then go to fitting rooms with both sizes and see which fits best? If the child says it's too tight it might sink in! Or pass back the stuff which doesn't fit and ask if she knows anyone to pass it on to as it was too small... (Worth mentioning different shops different sizes) Sainsbury's always seems a little more generous so you could steer her towards those? Or ask her to get something for you whilst she's out at shops and write down item details with size you do want- might click that way. It does seem a waste of her money and a shame you can't use the clothes! Get her involved in measuring height on wall chart so she knows height of child?

If your DMiL isn't going demented, she is being seriously passive aggressive!

When I saw the headline of this thread before I realised it was about clothes being bought for a child I thought it must be referring to Theresa May, was convinced it was going to be!

Advent - Any chance of getting your MiL to turn her knitting enthusiasm to making my DD some socks? It’s impossible to get warm socks for toddlers from the usual outlets - even though as smaller therefore colder feet, they need them more .

She has dinky feet, so it should be fine.

RavingRoo
Children grow rapidly between birth and three so there can be a huge difference in the height/size of a just turned 2 yr old and a 3 year old . My kids are all tall but were not big babies. They grew rapidly and all 3 were in clothes for 4 yr olds by the age of 2. My teenage daughter and son are 6ft1 and 6ft 2 respectively and my just turned 11 yr old is already 5 ft 6 and has been wearing clothes for teenagers for the past couple of years. Conversely some of my eldest son’s teenage pals and a couple of my adult friends are several inches shorter than my 11yr old so can wear clothes for younger age groups. Sizings are guidelines only.