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Original poster

Seat for pregnant woman on the train

308 replies

Bobbiepin · 28/11/2017 16:05

DH came home and told me about what happened on the train, I have my opinion on this but would like to get others'.

DH was sat in the middle of the carriage, every seat was full, with women sitting in the priority seats. A pregnant woman got on at a later stop and a standing man told DH to stand. DH said that the women in the priority seats should give up their seat, as they are in the priority seats and closest to the woman rather than her moving half way down the carriage.

This man (who wasn't travelling with pregnant woman) then proceeded to shout at my DH telling him he should be ashamed of himself & 'Don't you know what chivalry is?'

DH responded that he believed in equality and that there's nothing wrong with asking a woman (especially ones in priority seats) to give up their seat. He did give the woman his seat but was a bit put out by the whole experience.

Was he BU by expecting that anyone could give up a seat? Or should he have moved without a fuss just because he is a man?

OP posts:
GruffaIo · 28/11/2017 17:45

Last month, I was the early stages of a miscarriage and had to catch a rush hour train home (with DH who'd come to collect me from work) and no one offered me a seat - I didn't look disabled, but pregnant and upset. DH didn't approach particular men to ask, but did ask in general.

Earlier this month, after avoiding this train for weeks, I decided to be brave and catch the same train home as it's faster than the alternative route I've been using. An Italian gentleman tried twice to give me his seat, which I declined, but it left me holding back tears as all I was thinking about was the circumstances in which I had really needed the seat.

Anyway, my point is, your DH should have just offered. It's on the consciences of the women in the priority seats if they're stay sat there and don't need them. The right thing to do is just between your DH and the pregnant woman, not those other women as well.

WhiskyChick · 28/11/2017 17:45

Standing man sounds like a prat. How did he know that your DH didn't have a requirement of the seat? It's not just women that can need a seat.

Surely would make sense for her, especially if she was obviously pregnant, to not have to navigate past standing people on a full carriage. If she wanted to seat I'm sure she would be able to ask someone herself.

For those being so rude about the OP's hubby, he stood. Presumably long before anyone else even considered it. He mightn't have even noticed the woman get on!

UnicornRainbowColours · 28/11/2017 17:45

I’m sorry but your DH was unreasonable just as the people in the priority seat were. A pregnant lady got on and a gentleman would of not hesitated to offer his seat.

Jaxhog · 28/11/2017 17:47

He was both right and wrong! Wrong not to have given up his seat even before being asked, and certainly wrong not to have given it up when asked. But he is right in that men shouldn't automatically be assumed to be the ones to stand.

My experience as an 'older woman' is that on the tube at least, men (of all ages) often offer me a seat. Rarely women. Unless it's rush hour though, when it seems to be everyone for themselves. I injured my knee a few years ago and had to forego a job, as I couldn't stand on the long tube journey in rush hour. I had a stick too.

UnicornRainbowColours · 28/11/2017 17:48

Also wanted To say I would expect a women to move as well if she noticed a pregnant women or someone who needed a seat.

Parisa78 · 28/11/2017 17:49

Shelly - if I was on the train, of course I would give my seat to a pregnant or elderly person etc, but I would have a very low opinion of any men who didn't beat me to it. No need to ask people if they want a seat and make them feel awkward - just move. If my DH behaved like this one, I would not be with him.

Nikephorus · 28/11/2017 17:50

Did the pregnant woman actually want / need the seat for starters? She might have been quite happy standing and if not then she could have asked someone sitting nearer her.
And the shouty man was unreasonable because it's not for him to demand people move.
And as nice as it is for a man to be chivalrous it's perfectly reasonable for a woman to budge too.
So I don't think DH was unreasonable, particularly since he did move in the end. He wasn't the closest or the only one, and he wasn't asked by the woman (wasn't asked at all - he was told and then shouted at)

Frederickvonhefferneffer · 28/11/2017 17:51

Your DH was being unreasonable.

mirialis · 28/11/2017 17:52

The OP's DH was probably absolutely knackered after his first day back at work after paternity leave and more in need of a seat than a lot of people on that train and no doubt feeling a little "on edge" in the way that we'd be leaping to defend a knackered mum if she snapped back at a bloke who started shouting at her on a train on her first day back after maternity leave.

mirialis · 28/11/2017 17:53

if I was on the train, of course I would give my seat to a pregnant or elderly person etc, but I would have a very low opinion of any men who didn't beat me to it

Why? Are you some sort of princess?

ShellyBoobs · 28/11/2017 17:55

I would have a very low opinion of any men who didn't beat me to it.

And you wouldn’t have a very low opinion of a woman who didn’t stand?

Again, why is it easier for men to stand?

I’m 45, keep very fit, have no real ailments. Why should it be more of a man’s job to stand for someone less able?

I can, and do, stand in 2hr+ train journeys when it’s busy so can easily stand to allow somone else to sit.

You’re just projecting your very old fashioned view of the world which does nothing to help us be treated as men’s equals.

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 28/11/2017 17:56

Miralis
Indeed. And some of those women he wants equality with might well have been in the same boat as him. But he wanted the women in the priority seats to move (clearly stated in the op). I’m guessing if there were men in the priority seats, he wouldn’t have been so insistent. Sounds like he had a point to make and saw an opportunity to do so.

Floellabumbags · 28/11/2017 17:57

That’s Mr. 1950s who’d probably pat your arse if you worked with him because women aren’t equal to men in his ‘chivalrous’ world

Just to clarify a little. Are you saying that a man who thinks it's the done thing to give up his seat for a pregnant woman is a sexual predator? Could you possibly explain your leap from basic good manners to sexual assault because I'm struggling to see your logic.

frieda909 · 28/11/2017 17:58

The other man had no right to start having a go at your husband. He had no way of knowing whether or not your husband might have needed the seat. Equally, your husband doesn’t exactly come off sounding great if he moaned about not wanting to give up his seat!

If I were him I would have stood straight up and said ‘of course’, but then probably wouldn’t have been able to keep myself from saying something a bit passive aggressive to nobody in particular: ‘I guess nobody else feels like standing today!’ or something like that.

The idea that he should stand just because he’s a man is utter tripe, though.

mirialis · 28/11/2017 18:01

I’m guessing if there were men in the priority seats, he wouldn’t have been so insistent

Well I'll leave the OP to answer you on that one, but that is a MASSIVE projection. All we know is that he didn't see why the people in the priority seats who were much closer to the pregnant woman than him shouldn't be asked to move first, but you have clearly decided he is so vile he's some sort of MRA twat Confused

ShellyBoobs · 28/11/2017 18:04

Are you saying that a man who thinks it's the done thing to give up his seat for a pregnant woman is a sexual predator?

A man who thinks only men can possibly give up their seat for someone is likely to be the sort of prick who sees women as delicate flowers. They’re perfect for making the tea and looking pretty in the office. Not capable of much else though. Especially standing on their own feet.

mirialis · 28/11/2017 18:04

Are you saying that a man who thinks it's the done thing to give up his seat for a pregnant woman

He thought it was the done thing for MEN to go out of their way to give up their seats purely on the basis of being men, while the ladies next to the pregnant woman should just continue sitting as they were without question of whether they needed their seat.

Parisa78 · 28/11/2017 18:04

No definitely not a princess or from the 50s. I don't know any men who wouldn't stand for a pregnant woman. It's called being a gentleman and having basic self-respect.

MrMeSeeks · 28/11/2017 18:05

the women sitting in the priority seats had hidden disabilities hmm They should have been first up offering their seats to the pregnant woman, I'm glad your DH did give his seat, but I don't blame him for feeling pissed off that he should have been forced into doing it by someone not even travelling with the pregnant woman - let alone the pregnant woman herself - when not sitting in a priority seat just because he's a man.
Why could they not have invisible disabilities?
I travel a lot with my aunt ( both invisible disabilities) only difference is i look very young.
People often do talk say things about me when i've not offered my seat.
Thankfully nobody has come up to me to me yet.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 28/11/2017 18:05

All we know is that he didn't see why the people in the priority seats who were much closer to the pregnant woman than him shouldn't be asked to move first, but you have clearly decided he is so vile he's some sort of MRA twat confused

It's not a massive leap, is it? His rant about equality was "I shouldn't have to give up my seat for a pregnant woman" - something that MRAs would certainly agree with!

mirialis · 28/11/2017 18:07

Parisa78 - I'd say those women who think men should automatically put themselves out for their personal comfort so that they shouldn't have to be the ones to stand up for someone who needs a seat more than them should have a little think about "self-respect".

mirialis · 28/11/2017 18:10

His argument was that there were people nearer to the pregnant woman, in the very seats set aside for pregnant women, who could offer their seat first - how does that make him MRA when I would feel the same? That's ridiculous.

crunched · 28/11/2017 18:11

Did the pregnant woman actually want / need the seat for starters? She might have been quite happy standing and if not then she could have asked someone sitting nearer her.

This ^
When commuting I was far comfier standing in the latter (when visibly pregnant) stage of pregnancy due to feet pushing on my ribcage. So I can't support the standing man getting involved.
If necessary, the pregnant woman should have asked if any of those sitting in the priority seats was able to stand.

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 28/11/2017 18:11

My OH would have offered the seatbwithout being asked. Bloody equality means equal pay and conditions, not being a knob head about a seat. Seeing as you’ve recently given birth I’d have thought he’d have been a bit more thoughtful.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 28/11/2017 18:12

It's ridiculous to think people in priority seats should be asked to move? Have you thought that one through?

I can't imagine sitting down and arguing the toss over my rights as a man (if I were a man...) while a pregnant woman stood. That's the ridiculous MRA bit.