To wonder why the sham of marriage is still a thing

[munkynutts]

Genuinely.

Just take a look at MN, chockablock full of people who are on their second or third marriages - not judging, just a fact.

Most people couldn't give a fuck about the religious aspect. Most people in this country struggle to even make it to a Christmas service, but suddenly find their soulful side when it comes to marriage?

As well as the rise of one person having multiple marriages over the course of their life, weddings are becoming way more OTT and flamboyant too and we see how many threads there are on here about weddings and gift dilemmas. Once upon a time nee couples did actually need a toaster, now guests are expected to chip in so they can have an experience?!

It just seems to me that the days of sticking around in a relationship that doesn't work for you are long gone, for better or worse (better IMO).

So shouldn't we just cut this wedding crap and have civil partnerships for everyone? Because if you dont believe in god and dont believe in one true love to stick with come what may, then really, whats the fucking point other than to have a Princess Day? Wouldnt it be better to jist buy a nice dress, go down to town hall for civil partnership and then have a few close friends down the pub, rather than expecting guests to fork out for what is essentially a sham?

Then we have divorce and all the complication and entanglement that brings. I mean, just is it worth it?

Ok, I'll bite
Why so bitter?

Are you always bitter? Or did someone do a poo in your coco pops this morning?

Do you not have to go through something similar to a divorce if you want to end a civil partnership? Genuine question

You're absolutely right dear.
I should have stuck by husband when he developed a penchant for prostitutes because 14 years previously we paid for a wedding day in church and we made a promise to each other.
However, in the real world it was a dealbreaker for me.

I hope you are never put in the position that you have to make a similar choice about your life.

Not bitter, just interested why this has survived when so much hasnt.

For example its christmas, and theres bately anyone I know (myself included) who will be going to church. So why are we still heading to churches for weddings?

Actually I'd be interested to know if people still do christenings anymore, now that I think about it I dont see many threads about babies getting baptised so maybe not.

Aside from the religious aspect you have to admit divorce is so, so frequent now. It makes sense - people change and people fall out of love. So why cant a new and more flexible system be in place, instead of marriage being the status quo?

@Rubbermaid
I actually have no idea if a civil partnership is easier/more flexible.

You be chatting nonsense.

Marriage isn't anything to do with God- it's a legal arrangement that some people choose to incorporate into a religious ceremony.

Some people who get married are in it for the long haul. I got married with no intention of ever getting divorced. I didn’t even consider the legal aspects of marriage, and still don’t.

Fine civil partnerships for everyone, but marriage should still be available for Thor who want it.

@PinkHeart5914
Im sorry pinkheart, what would you rather discuss?

And what about those who do believe in God, for whom religion is important, who will be going to church this Christmas, and indeed on a regular basis throughout the year?

If it's not for you, fine. Frankly I'm not sure DP and I will ever bother (that's more about the wedding though, as nothing would be my dream wedding without my mum).

It is for many many people. Let them get on with it.

I do think church weddings for atheist couples are odd but most I know do it for their older relatives. In another generation or so this pressure will end and we can all get married in registry offices or hotels or woods or beaches or gardens. As it should be.

I'm an atheist. I'm married. My marriage is important to me. No one needs religion to have a strong marriage.

I'm on my second marriage. 21 years into my second marriage actually so ...

@Tinuviel
What about them? They're religious and are entitled to their rites.

Maybe because many of those who chose the religious route , church , baptism, confirmations , holy comunions don't need to should from the rooftops about it , or whinge and complain , they just get on with it, don't hassle others or impose religious pressure they do what they believe in and what they want .

I don’t know the marriage attitude you describe.

I got married in a cheap registry office wedding 15 yrs ago, had a lovely time. Went on to christen the kids, attend church and all that. Same for many friends.

That’s the reality of marriage for many people, a happy mundane kinda thing.

Divorce is part of marriage working as a system. Marriage sucked when you couldn't opt out. I am engaged. I wouldn't be if divorce wasn't an option.

Nothing wrong with staying unmarried, or getting married and divorced. Having one partner or half a dozen.

Also, try going up to a gay couple who've been together for many years and unable to get married. See if they think there was such a fight for gay people to be able to get married just to take part in a "sham"!

When I made my vows, I made them for life. So did DH. They matter to us. We didn't marry for the legal aspects, we married for love.

Some of us marrried for love. I know I did. I thought he was going to be my life partner. I never thought he would turn into the violent monster he became. Also marriage isn’t necessarily religious. I got married in a registry office as a sign of commitment to the man I loved.

I’m now divorced but would consider getting married again, and this time I would want a nice dress and people close to be present and to celebrate our love with us. I don’t need a church or god for that or a belief in either.

Well, nobody is making you get married dear.

munkynutts, the OP suggested getting rid of marriage - I was just pointing out that for some people, the religious aspect is important.