To wonder why the sham of marriage is still a thing

[munkynutts]

Genuinely.

Just take a look at MN, chockablock full of people who are on their second or third marriages - not judging, just a fact.

Most people couldn't give a fuck about the religious aspect. Most people in this country struggle to even make it to a Christmas service, but suddenly find their soulful side when it comes to marriage?

As well as the rise of one person having multiple marriages over the course of their life, weddings are becoming way more OTT and flamboyant too and we see how many threads there are on here about weddings and gift dilemmas. Once upon a time nee couples did actually need a toaster, now guests are expected to chip in so they can have an experience?!

It just seems to me that the days of sticking around in a relationship that doesn't work for you are long gone, for better or worse (better IMO).

So shouldn't we just cut this wedding crap and have civil partnerships for everyone? Because if you dont believe in god and dont believe in one true love to stick with come what may, then really, whats the fucking point other than to have a Princess Day? Wouldnt it be better to jist buy a nice dress, go down to town hall for civil partnership and then have a few close friends down the pub, rather than expecting guests to fork out for what is essentially a sham?

Then we have divorce and all the complication and entanglement that brings. I mean, just is it worth it?

I'm married - but in a civil service not in church. Does OP think i'm not properly married then?

OP, aren't you the same GF who's been banging on about using loo roll as sanitary pads this morning? Do you have nothing better to do? Or an article deadline?

OP, are you or have you ever been married?

Lost - and lucky her. Many many women and girls worldwide are not that lucky

Why shouldn't I have had a Jewish wedding? The traditions are beautiful, we pledged to become husband and wife in front of our friends and family, and made our vows following the rituals of my family's heritage.

Who made you marriage-cum-wedding police?

Ok i have a confession to make. I didnt actually realise that marriage wasnt necessarily religious. What i mean is I didnt realise you could get married in a registry office and it be free from any religious connotation.

But even so, things just seem to get messy when people divorce. It makes me wonder why couples would want to bother at all. Wouldn't it be better to jist have a series of contracts for specific things within a couple?

And no i have never been married. Divorced parents though.

I didn't get married in a church and I still had a lovely time treating all my friends and family to a do to celebrate it. Because getting married is nice.

Also, you can damn well bet on it that I wouldn't be buying a car or a house or having kids with anyone that wasn't legally bound to me - marriage or a civil partnership brings protection and rights that a cohabitation would not.

And tbh if anything should be got rid of - and I don't think it should, I'm just saying IF - it's Civil Partnership. The whole idea was a sop to allow gay people a modicum of human rights whilst the more backwards parts of society got used to the idea, and now we have equal marriage rights and you can marry in a church, registry office, or wherever, what's the point of a civil ceremony? Especially when it's not a thing that everyone can access?

And no i have never been married

Ah there it is. Looking at your other thread, I see why

What's marriage got to do with religion? I'm married, I'm an atheist. Marriage for me is a legal contract that gives me financial and legal advantages. I didn't get married in church. You are confusing two different things.

It's actually not even that Munky - it's not just free of religious connotations when you marry in a registry office, you absolutely can't have religious stuff at all. The registrars check your readings, they must be secular.

So if you want the dirty bits from the Song of Solomon then you've got to be having a religious wedding.

It just seems to me that the days of sticking around in a relationship that doesn't work for you are long gone

Surely that's a good thing? Too many people stay with someone who's abusive. Should they stay because of the vows the made?

@Fluffypinkpyjamas
Oi! Cheeky!

You didn't know that marriage was a legal contract that has nothing to do with religion? You didn't know you could get married in a registry office? Really? When you get married in church it only means anythign legally because you sign the same register that people do who get married in the registry office.

*Ok i have a confession to make. I didnt actually realise that marriage wasnt necessarily religious. What i mean is I didnt realise you could get married in a registry office and it be free from any religious connotation.

But even so, things just seem to get messy when people divorce. It makes me wonder why couples would want to bother at all. Wouldn't it be better to jist have a series of contracts for specific things within a couple*

You appear to know very little about marriage. Marriage offers significant legal protection. To get this legal protection afforded by marital status, you get married

It's really not that difficult

Maybe you should educate yourself a bit before posting dim comments about things you freely admit to knowing nothing about

Wouldn't it be better to jist have a series of contracts for specific things within a couple?

Actually I think this would be worse than marriage: it would so easily become abusive towards the weaker party ie. usually women. "Oh sure I'll agree XYZ with you but you can't have rights on the house if we split up and no claims on the pension." Having a set legal agreement for everything, i.e. marriage, makes things fairer.

I think this is also why pre-nups aren't binding in the UK (though I am not sure if I am correct in that - I think so).

@HermionesRightHook
OK in that case I don't understand. So what exactly is the difference between a civil partnership and marriage at a registry?

What i mean is I didnt realise you could get married in a registry office and it be free from any religious connotation.

Because it is a legal framework which provides rights and protections, particularly to women who choose to have children. A woman who marries and has children is in a much more secure position should that relationship fail than a woman who has children outside of wedlock. Her contribution to the family in non-monetary terms and sacrifice of her own career is recognised in post divorce division of property whereas cohabitees may well split from the father of their children with little more than maintenance (if they are lucky).

I don't think op can be married as you have to be at least 16 to get married

I couldn’t agree more OP. I’ve been married twice, I am so glad not to be any longer. I find the accusations of bitterness laughable in the assumption that being in a “marriage” MUST be a state that we are all aspiring to. It’s an argument on the same level as the “you’re just jealous!”

I think it’s an outdated waste of time and emotions. That said if people want to get dressed up and have a party celebrating their choice good for them. I just hate all the angst and demands of respect and cooperation at your own expense for The Wedding Day and then in turn The Marriage.

Your post has a number of aspects you seem cross about. I agree with you about OTT weddings and partly agree with you about the religious aspect. My daughter wanted to be married in the church she had gone to Sunday school and Carol services in. ( we only sent her to Sunday School so we could have a bit of Sunday mornings to ourselves :) fair enough. It was a lovely setting!
As for your point about sticking round in relationships that don’t work - I’m in a 30 yr relationship now. There have been crisis and stretches where it really didn’t work for a while. I remember thinking he was only useful for grabbing the other end of the buggy to help me up the stairs. If the fundamentals are right, it comes right.
So. If you are trying to say people divorce too quickly. Yes I agree

Prenups are recognised now Hermione, but they can be set aside if they are unfair.

What i mean is I didnt realise you could get married in a registry office and it be free from any religious connotation 😂

And no i have never been married Oh I would never of guessed!

How can you have such strong views about something but have not even done the most basic research?!! A quick google would have stopped you looking like a fool.