To think gender alters the perception of what is said on MN?

[1DAD2KIDS]

I use a username that clearly identifies my gender (and is also my biological sex). Often I feel that if people assumed I was a woman their response would be different. Or if you swapped the genders around some people's responses would be completely different?

I think women do do it, yes - and there's lots of linking going on on lots of threads. Especially to do with the actual topic of the thread.

However, there's a difference between:

1. poster A saying 'I don't know what the problem with the GRA is, you're all transphobes' (to use a prominent example) and poster B saying look, read these links, this is the problem, on a thread about 'transphobia'

and

2. Poster A saying 'jesus, even my dog has more sense than you lot' on a thread about transphobia, and poster B googling 'sense + dogs + you lot' and coming back with evidence that dogs don't understand transphobia anyway. Especially if Poster A is actually a vet and poster B is ... someone with access to google.

And yes, especially if poster B is a man, because women spend an awful lot of time having things explained to them by men, and that's why they dislike it so much when it isn't even warranted or invited or relevant.

I think you should reconsider your rule that if you don't think it's mansplaining and a few other people agree, it can't be.

I made it clear earlier that it's not a cast-iron rule, more a way of weighing up the evidence. In fact, I've conceded the exact opposite: despite there being more "votes" for not mansplaining, I gave more weight to Sensi saying it came across to her as mansplaining, and accepted that.

Are you going to answer my question OP?

It turns out my judgement was right

You have judged that your judgement was right - how satisfying for you.

It would have been nice to hear ‘I was mansplaining, I was wrong, sorry’ without ‘you were wrong too’ though.

I agree with Seek, DadDadDad you do seem to have knowledge of gender bias and how annoying that is for women - but when push came to shove you still couldn’t let it go.

Thanks for coming back Sensimilla, was nice to have it cleared up

Seek then if you acknowledge this kind of exchange is common to all sexes then is it not wrong to assume mansplaining in the same way its wrong for a man to assume superior knowledge based on being a man talking to a woman? Both are surely sexist assumptions and wrong?

My judgement: Sensi is not an expert on this topic.

Sensi: "I am not an expert on this topic."

My judgement is correct.

I'm happy for you to point out the flaw in my reasoning!

You have judged that your judgement was right - how satisfying for you

Bit like what Pumper is doing then.

Your judgment appears to have shifted from she 'did not know much about it' to 'she is not an expert in this topic.' Also, of course, without being an expert she may well know vastly more than you do.

It would have been nice to hear ‘I was mansplaining, I was wrong, sorry’ without ‘you were wrong too’ though.

That might have been nice, but this is AIBU! I can concede where I was wrong, while still pointing out where someone else was wrong.

I am really beginning to suspect you wouldn't have a problem with me correcting someone here if I were woman, even if they did it in the same way that I did.

OP, no - it's not sexist to notice mansplaining and call it such. With all due respect, I don't think a man can really understand what it is to be mansplained - by definition.

YANBU, but the men who I know are on MN, because it's either obviously by their NN or they tell us, are generally pleasant people. I hope I wouldn't treat you any differently.

Bit like what Pumper is doing then

Em, am I? I thought he was mansplaining and Sensimilla agreed with me. You can still think what you like.

I am really beginning to suspect you wouldn't have a problem with me correcting someone here if I were woman, even if they did it in the same way that I did.

Why?

Poster A saying 'jesus, even my dog has more sense than you lot' on a thread about transphobia, and poster B googling 'sense + dogs + you lot' and coming back with evidence that dogs don't understand transphobia anyway. Especially if Poster A is actually a vet and poster B is ... someone with access to google.

With all due respect, I don't think a man can really understand what it is to be mansplained - by definition.

That's a bit condescending and dismissive - many of us (men and women) are capable of sufficient empathy and imagination to appreciate what a particular experience would be like, even if it hasn't or can't happen to us. It also suggests a level of manipulation, where a woman can say "it's mansplaining because I say it is."

Well - you are wrong.

To quote John Humphrys: why is it that people who say "with all due respect" mean exactly the opposite?

I can sort of imagine how awful it would be to be the subject of racist abuse. I would not have the gall, the arrogance, or the sheer offensive stupidity to say I understand what it would be like, or say that a black person who says I don't get it is being 'condescending and dismissive'!

And now we are being manipulative by labeling mansplaining. Right-oh. We should just let ourselves be educated by googling men, and be grateful, I guess.

To quote John Humphrys: why is it that people who say "with all due respect" mean exactly the opposite?

The clue is in 'due'. The phrase itself can be used quite consciously to call into question just how much is indeed 'due'.

I am a scientist/engineer and I am chartered

Don't tell me you "only" have a Masters.

I never actually thought of that Seek! Now it makes sense! 😂

Evil - I would certainly use the phrase knowingly to John Humphrys

I'm going to take a step back from this discussion, as I feel it's more heat than light (some of the heat from me, I accept!).

I actually feel that if we took the personal out of this, we could have quite a productive discussion about mansplaining - I'd prefer to be co-operative about addressing the issue. Yes, on the one hand I can't have an experiential knowledge of being mansplained, but there are other levels of understanding, and by sharing experiences, I can learn what I can do to avoid being a mansplainer.

Probably a good idea Dad. Hopefully you've got a few pointers to be going on with from the last few pages.