Pls settle conundrum between me and friend : how rare is this man?

[cdvegan2023]

This man:

• is anywhere from 30 to 55 yo
• has his own house, no share or living with parents
• good job, makes at least 50% or more above average income (at least for his area)
• is 6' at least (though slightly less is OK)
• has all his hair and teeth
• is at least somewhat attractive and keeps fit
• is not abusive, violent etc
• doesn't gamble, smoke, do drugs or drink too much
• is great in bed (also no pencil dick)
• is intelligent, funny and fun to be around

My DH fits all of them except the earning. He is in an average job but he came out of high teaching post after having a breakdown so i will take him as he is now earning what he does rather then a high earner and depressed

Nothing wrong with having high expectations. After many years of reading take a break there seems to be too many women with low self esteem who settle for the first person that comes along and buys them a drink.

Having said that, your criteria are not what I'd go for. You seem to want a partner that will impress others. Good work ethic, kind, funny, generous, fun are more important than model looks, wads of money and hair imho.

Pencil dick?!? Oh feck off!!

Change that to a guy asking how rare is this woman and add without saggy tits or whatever derogatory term you can think of for body parts.

I had a friend that had a checklist like that she is still lonely.

I'm not saying you should settle I'm just saying think about what's genuinely important and go with that. It's a pretty shallow list except these points.

• is not abusive, violent etc
• doesn't gamble, smoke, do drugs or drink too much
• is intelligent, funny and fun to be around

Would you meet their list though?

-25-35 years old
-your own house *No ex paying the mortgage
-good career earning your own money, not expecting subsidies from any partner
-5ft6-5ft 8
-nice tits
-makes an effort to keep slim. No slobbing it out in front of the telly.
-doesn't nag and whine
-doesn't smoke or drink too much
-is great in bed, no bucket fanny or hairy growler
-intelligent, funny and fun to be around

Otherwise lower your sights eh love?

My theory about the terminally single who have impossible criteria and always find a reason to reject partners is that they are actually afraid of falling in love and settling down. Deep down they don't want to, for some reason. Maybe they don't want to make themselves vulnerable and open to being hurt.

It might be rubbish but it's the only explanation I can think of.

My DH meets a lot (not all) of that criteria but also so much more. He's not perfect and drives me crazy sometimes but I'm far from perfect myself. We have a beautiful son and it's not always easy but I would choose this life over being single with a stupid list every single time.

Anyway, i think the replies have shown that some men like that do exist but they were all snapped up before they ticked all the boxes!

I find the financial criteria particularly shallow btw. Makes you look like a gold digger.

Not common not least because of the height requirement and the income requirement.

If you are sticking to that you are ruling out a lot of men in that age bracket. (The average height for a man in 2013 was 5ft 10 but it is increasing and men under 25 are taller so give it 50 years or so.)

I find him irritating but aware that plenty of people don't (!) FWIW George Clooney is 5ft 10 and is 56.

I know someone like this. (he is balding but in an attractive way and is 56, also likes a drink, but he mostly meets your criteria)

He is a terrible shagger though, he would never be faithful to you. As his ex wife would testify.

Happy anniversary Blod
Statistically your man must be quite rare because you've specified that he earns 50% or more above average income. Then you've said over 6ft whereas the average man in the UK is 5ft 10 so again you're narrowing your pool.Then you'd need the Venn diagram where those two overlapped, etc.
My DH wouldn't meet your height requirement and at different points he wouldn't have met your fitness criteria but at other points he would have. And that's the point really, people change. You may get someone who meets your checklist now but that could all change in a matter of weeks or months so you need something else to keep you together. You need to prioritise kindness and shared values more than hair and teeth tbh.

He does exist. That describes my partner. He's divorced, so that might have put some off (ex-wife cheated in him with neighbour six months after he got married, DP divorced then moved abroad for five years, didn't want a relationship while out there, came home and I met him (and snapped him up!)). Now we own a house together and have DS, and will get married when we get around to it. He is going bald though.

Sexist post

I note the list doesn't say that they have to be single ...

I have somebody that fits this description sat on my sofa at the moment, my single BIL. Admittedly he doesn't earn a fortune, but the OP only asked for 50% above average salary for the area and - unlike most people where he lives - he does hold down a full-time job, so earns rather more than the average earnings which are JSA.

Shame he's not on Mumsnet, eh?

My husband fits all of those, except height. He's only 5ft 9. I don't care, he's taller than me. And more importantly - he is kind, generous to a fault, loving and demonstrative. Would do anything for me and our children.

But when I met him he was living with his parents temporarily after a bad break up, plus he was earning an average salary. Ten years later he earns 4 times that and we own a lovely house.

If you only want to tick things off a list I think you'll struggle. Sometimes you want something you didn't expect and it pays to be a little more open minded.

What a grotty list. I feel for you both.

DH has always had an issue with his height - I've never given any kind of a shit and couldn't understand why, but when I see things like this it makes more sense I suppose. If I'd passed on him because he wasn't six foot, I'd have missed out on an amazing husband and father, who earns very good money, would never lay a hand on me, and has a ridiculously sized penis (possibly a bit too big if anything).

I just don't understand why anyone would have a list like this - what's the point having a full head of hair and all your own teeth if you're an arsehole or dull or philandering or unable to hold a conversation or obsessed with medieval plumbing or something? I'd take a hairless, toothless midget that I can have a wonderful discussion with over this any day.

Yes, this is massively sexist - fortunately every woman here is calling it out though, right?

My hubby fits all of these :) however u need to keep an open mind. As done of these ain't that import...

My DH is everything on that list but more importantly he's kind, reliable, affectionate, an incredibly involved and dedicated Dad, considerate, very family-orientated and supportive. And I'd love him for those things even if he was wrinkled and grey and poor.

30 to 55 is a very wide age range too. I could understand expecting no balding for a 30 year old, most still have a decent head of hair at that age so you're probably not ruling that many out of the pool. Less so at 55. Equally, at 55 the majority of men will be homeowners, and not necessarily needing even an average salary to do it. At 30, even the ones earning well might easily still be in a houseshare saving for a deposit, especially if you're in London.

Yes, this is massively sexist - fortunately every woman here is calling it out though, right?

It's stupid, certainly. I don't think being obsessed with appearance is necessarily sexist though. The height thing perhaps as that's not something men necessarily care about much in women. The others all have at least a male equivalent.

You’ve just described my dh to a tee apart from the earnings but that doesn’t matter to me a jot. I’m wondering though, it seems very high standards. I hope you/your friend are pretty near perfect to be looking for a man like that. I fear if this wonderful bloke comes along, he will have an equally shallow list and you will be left far, far behind.

So what would be the male equivalent of expecting the man to earn loads? I don't think many men care about a woman being rich (although I know one who used to be like that - eventually he ended up with a lovely skint lady and they are very happy).

Most of them would be married or divorced (with children) which are not things you have put on your list.

The likelihood of such a man coming baggage free is minimal

The earning loads and home is an interesting one. I agree I think men are perhaps more likely to prioritise looks over money, so in a way it's funny that there's more about appearance on here than cash. But it's certainly the case that some men want a woman to be a good earner- I don't agree that not many men don't care about that at all.

A friend once told me that her DH can't sexually satisfy her. But he was as I recall pretty much everything else on that list. Within 3 months of them marrying she'd resigned and they'd moved into a very expensive property. We all choose what matters to us. Even if he had a drink problem I'm pretty sure she'd have still married him, even if he was a bit short and fat.
Money and her ability to spend her days choosing curtains is what mattered the most to her. She got that.

I suppose the equivalent of a woman wanting a rich male partner, if we're talking sexist "traditions", is a man wanting a female partner who is happy to be a SAHM and do literally all the childcare, housework and "wife work". But (mirroring the OP's list) she must also be beautiful, sexy, great at giving blow jobs, intelligent, charming and interesting.

DH perfectly fits those criteria....apart from the fact that he's married! Sorry...he's all mine 😎