Husband is refusing to take paternity leave

[Argeles]

He says that he can’t afford to do so, as the rate of paternity leave is ridiculously low.

Two weeks after my due date, he has a two week holiday (full salary), and has told me that this will just have to be the equivalent of his paternity leave.

We both wanted a second child, but it was he who kept on pestering me to have one asap. I now feel incredibly pissed off with him, and let down, as he has also refused to take off any time to attend any appointments with me, and didn’t attend either of my scans, even though he would’ve still been paid for doing so.

I’m a sahm to a toddler, and a part time student. My parents live nearly 2 hours away, and we have no local support network. He knows how incredibly anxious and frightened I am about coping with a baby and our DD, and my Degree studies, yet this is the shit treatment I’m receiving.

I have stayed quite calm outwardly, but on the inside I am full of rage! I calmly asked him why could he afford paternity leave with our first DD, and he said that his Dad had given him the money to make up for his pay loss, but this time his Dad is unable to do so.

AIBU to think that he should be doing everything in his power to afford it and take the leave, and that I should put my foot down?
Or, should I just accept that he can’t afford it, and be grateful that he has a 2 week paid holiday soon after my due date?

I genuinely don’t want to make him feel awful over this, but at the same time, I’m feeling dreadful about the prospect of having no support straight after the birth.

My Dh is in the armed forces so we live miles from our family, I had Csections both times and DH was back at work after two weeks. I coped because I had to. So will you OP.

I do think you are being unnecessarily hard on your DP though. You know he is struggling with the finances yet you leave it all to him and even 'put your foot down' and refuse to work in the evenings to help your family? Great teamwork there.

I do have sympathy for the op. I was in hospital for two weeks with DS and still not well when I came home, mainly due to side effects of the medication I had to take. It was difficult just with DS, if I'd had a toddler as well and possibly no support I'd have been panicking as well.

She really should know what's happening with the family finances though, and that should have been discussed before TTC.

YANBU its so difficult if you dont have a good support network. Id understand him more if you lived down the road from family or friends who could regularly drop in to help but it seems you dont?
We are not in a good financial situation and my pregnancy wasnt planned (its my second) but my husband will certainly be taking all the paternity leave he is entitled to because its an extremely difficult time. What if you end up having a c section and not being able to get out of bed for weeks? What if you get PND?
There are so many things that could make it incredibly hard. Its only for a short time so I dont see why he cant just take the hit for a month. In the grand scheme of things you will be slightly worse off but nothing massively damaging. Its better to struggle financially than struggle emotionally and physically and damage your health.