To send a sick toddler to nursery?

[user4321]

Im on my way to work feeling awful having just dropped my 18month old off at nursery. He is unwell in the sense he has a cold and runny nose and temp, is being more clingy and is more sensitive to tantrums than his usual self. It is more likely than not that the nursery will call one of us to collect him, but my DH has a meeting first thing (after that he is free and can leave work if required). With my employer, it looks better if I’m called away than to not show up in the first place. But I’m feeling guilty and thinking I shouldn’t have left him there in the first place, is it unfair on the staff?

So how many days have you taken off work for child illness since September yaka?

I understand the pressure to go to work but as a mother of a child constantly hospitalised due to chest infections and friends with a mother whose child is getting over cancer (no immunity) please don’t send your sick kids to school or nursery.

It's my DD'S birthday tomorrow and she's just come down with exactly the same thing, which has been doing the rounds at nursery. I wouldn't send her in

Doubleshotespresso - are you for real? So you expect me to take 3 months off work thus causing me to lose my job and become homeless to stay home as my child has a cold?!

She’s catching it from somewhere! A park, a lift, a car door, nursery - who knows. Kids get ill all of the time, you can’t protect them from it. When she had croup she stayed home, likewise when she was very ill and flu- Like but a cold? Didn’t even cross my mind.

I’d rather she dealt with a snotty nose at nursery than spending Christmas in a homeless shelter. Some of us don’t have the luxury of having lots of money or tons of family support to see it as a choice.

I feel very bad for people who’s kids have immune issues etc but when you send your child to nursery, or let them leave the house in winter it is to be expected they will pick up all sorts of illnesses. Most are infectious before you even know about them. But to expect working people to keep there kids off over every snotty nose is ridiculous.

An update from my original post. After the reaction from my original post this morning I felt horrible and convinced I was BU.

In hindsight I have decided that, despite the negative responses and original guilt, I made the right call this morning. DS has a runny nose, buy apart from that, has been absolutely fine all day and his temp is normal. I checked twice with the nursery thought the day who reassured me both times. He played well, ate well and napped well and was jumping on the bed after his bath this evening.

I’m actually now glad I didn’t waste an emergency day off and raise eyebrow with my employer - I can save that for another day.

If that turns out to be something infectious (I even hate kids sent in with colds but understand that can’t always be avoided and will learn to accept it lol) then my child will catch it and probably be in hospital. On behalf of all the parents with low immune system systems or children with the same, you are a twat for sending a child in with a temperature that could turn out to be anything therefore making our children sick and possibly needing a hospital stay. And if the parents work, well they have hospital visits to attend to with no pay.

I will never understand why people send sick children to school and the like, anything but a cold is just unacceptable to me. (Excusing things like chicken pox etc that are infectious before the symptoms show.)

@TabbyMumz yes, I am at home with a 3 week old and send my son to Nursery (well, pre school). Should I have taken him out because I’ve had another baby and disrupt him even more? Seems like a really odd thing to say.

I didn’t realise it was the done thing to stop your child attending pre school if you had a baby?

@laurie I've had to take almost 2 weeks off, 1 week because I caught the bug after looking after dc at home for 2 days and 1 week unpaid.

Dh has covered the rest by unpaid leave and staying awake after a night shift until I get home.

So yeah I totally get how hard it is for parents but it's one of those things you have to consider when having dc and plan appropriately.

Oh and before anyway says I'm lucky that we could take unpaid leave, we have lost an awful lot of our salaries and will struggle for the next couple of months as a result.

Having to take unpaid leave is better than losing your job. 2 unplanned weeks leave in 2 months and the heat would be on me, big time. If I racked up 4 weeks across the year I'd be gone.

Well obviously it's better than losing your job, talk about stating the obvious

I can't take unpaid leave indefinitely, still won't send my dc to nursery when they're ill though.

Runny nose fair enough but high temp, clingy etc then no they need to be at home.

I wouldn't worry about it OP. Despite MN, most working parents do this

I wouldn't of sent with a temp. A mum sent her child in today despite the kid saying they felt sick, had a temp etc dosed up with calpol n mum went off shopping. Few hours later child had been sick, red hot and in tears.

Op im really pleased to read your DS is well again. But this is bothering: We have no family or friends nearby so nursery is our only childcare option. I'm sorry, but if your child is sick then either YOU or your DH are the appropriate childcare option! You have to accept (as we working parents do) that when your child is ill one of you will need to take time off work and look after them. This is part of responsible parenting. Passing the buck ( and all the germs) to the nursery isn't fair on anyone, especially those on this thread with kids with compromped immunity who take bugs really badly.

I work in a school and had a little reception boy come to me today saying he felt a bit sick. After a bit of chit chat we discover he threw up last night, I check his temperature and it's 39.7

Mum and dad both seemingly too busy to check their phones and when dad finally arrives two hours later he says 'oh, so he's just been coughing has he?', no! And when I said 'actually it's a 48 hour rule on vomiting, he really shouldn't have been in today', he just says 'oh, right.'

That combined with the mum who told us she'd rather we tie up and drag her 5 year old to after school club than she came to get him when he was having an emotional meltdown/mega tantrum, leaves me pretty fed up of working with parents as you can tell from my rant.

I wish people could see the other side of the coin too. The one where mums (it’s always the mums) get called into the office and berated over time off while they struggle with bills and are terrified of being made homeless with young children to support.
And how about the other side of that coin, where the nursery staff have to take time off of work (often in paid) because people their own self before others. Everyone has bills to pay.

@itsoutthere I didn't mean planning when ttc I meant that when you have dc and take a new job, arrange childcare etc then sickness is one of the things you need to plan for.

Of course things change, I've had to take a massive backwards step in my career due to having dc. I knew we would have no family help with the school run or anybody except me/dh to look after them when ill so I've had to take a lower paid job that I'm overqualified for so I can be closer to home.

It's not the nurseries job to look after poorly children.

I don't get that argument at all Stella. I think it's overly dramatic.

Children fall ill at nursery

Children can spread many illnesses in the days before they show any symptoms

How do nursery nurses decide who to be pissed off with when they fall ill? You have no way of knowing what you caught and how.

I’m sorry, but if your child is sick then either YOU or your DH are the appropriate childcare option

Imyourequal - of course I do know this, which it why one of us was expecting to collect DS had he been unwell at nursery, and that is what we have done several times over the past few months. It turned out he didn’t have any fever, and was fine so we didn’t collect him. There is no we we can be childcare for his every runny nose when we both work full time to keep a roof over our heads.

When I said we have no family, I was simply noting that it’s our employment that suffers. Some parents have Family that can help out in emergency so it’s not such a difficult decision as there is no financial/job prospect impact to err on the side of caution 100% of the time.

To clarify, this morning was the first time we actually sent him in with a slight raised temp. Other times we have made the call to stay at home, or he has been 100% fine in the morning but developed a fever later in the day

Ohbollocks...you missed my point entirely. Of course it's ok for toddlers to go to nursery with a new baby....however.....we all know they are germ ridden places so you took the risk then supposedly sit there crying when he gets chicken pox and it's everyone else's fault?? Wasn't it a possibility? Quite a big possibility? Did you really think there would be no germs whatsoever at the nursery?

I would have sent DS to the childminder in those circumstances. We don’t have any family support, DH has already had 3 days off since September with DS having sickness bug and I’ve taken 2 days of when he had a virus. I teach and so, although it’s public sector, it is not at all easy to not be at work. It costs my school £200 for a supply to cover me for the day and then I’ve still got to plan all the lessons and send in the work, while juggling a poorly DS. Unless it’s something majorly contagious he goes off to the childminder. He loves her, she can comfort him as well as me and she would call me if there was a problem.

Just wow @TabbyMumz

Apologies for being upset and concerned about my children.

Why are you taking this so personally? Are you one of the parents that send ill children to Nursery?

After reading your updates and hearing the temp was just above normal, not truly high, I would have sent in too. We too don’t have family nearby and my husband leaves for work way before dd is up, so it’s always me who has to ring work and say I’m not coming in if she wakes ill - I hate doing it!

I’m only allowed emergency time off so have to sort something (mother-in-law has in the past travelled to us and stayed, which is very nice of her) for the next day onwards and I don’t get paid for the day off, which we can’t comfortably afford. It sucks but we planned a baby so have to put up with it.

OP you made the right call.....38 is a low grade fever in line with teething or a cold. no big deal and certainly no need to be cancelling nursery etc. if you checked temp every day during winter he'd hit 38 a lot.....

@SleepingStandingUp - just for your info - the flu jab is not a live vaccine and does not give any flu symptoms. The flu 'sniff' which children have is live vaccine and can introduce flu into the household. My immunosuppressed baby is also on longterm antibiotics, and as a family we have all had the jab - baby (aged under 2) also had the jab, but in two half doses 4 weeks apart - in an attempt to protect from the flu. We did the same last year.
I hope this info may help you protect your little one this winter :)