To send a sick toddler to nursery?

[user4321]

Im on my way to work feeling awful having just dropped my 18month old off at nursery. He is unwell in the sense he has a cold and runny nose and temp, is being more clingy and is more sensitive to tantrums than his usual self. It is more likely than not that the nursery will call one of us to collect him, but my DH has a meeting first thing (after that he is free and can leave work if required). With my employer, it looks better if I’m called away than to not show up in the first place. But I’m feeling guilty and thinking I shouldn’t have left him there in the first place, is it unfair on the staff?

Thing is, you are never ever going to find a germ free nursery

Or indeed a germ free anywhere.

Emily, I don't think the child with the lung condition should have been in the Nursery?

Why should she have to stay at home if she isn’t unwell? Lots of lung condition don’t make the person ill all of the time. My own isn’t bad enough (yet) for me to claim benefits to not work, so can totally see why a child with lung condition doesn’t need to be excluded from nursery and school.

Especially if she was ill the week before, she was in hospital. Did her parent really think the nursery would be germ free?

I didn’t read it as child with lung condition was ill the week before being rushed to hospital, I think it was both the same instance. Nowhere is germ free but nursery’s have a sickness policy and it’s not unreasonable to think the nursery will follow it.

My nursery isn’t germ free, nobody expects it to be, but we have a duty to do our best to make sure it’s as germ free as possible and one those steps is to send sick children home.

We encourage the children to wash hands before meals, we encourage children to wash hands after going to toilet, we wash our own hands before prepping food, we clean tables and high chairs before and after every use, we wear gloves and aprons to change nappies, parents would be furious if we said we won’t bother with these things anymore because germs are everywhere anyway. Sending contagious children home falls under the same germ spreading prevention/minimising steps as hand washing after toilet, before food handling etc. Imo

Not at all TabbyMumz. Chronic lung disease, continuous o2 which went up from 0.5litres to 1 lite to 1.5 liters with every chest infection within his first 6 months. We started prophylactic antibiotics and 2 years down the road we haven't had a hospitalization for a cheat infection and his o2 level is stable. I imagine at some point they will change them or try to wean them but not yet. We also can't have the live flu vaccine as it is likely to make him poorly and we both have a low threshold for additional antibiotics for chest / throat/ ear infections

Emily, I don't think the child with the lung condition should have been in the Nursery
And what pray happens when that child is 5 and in full time school? Or 11 in high school? I get you cannot protect them but to suggest they're locked away from everyone else isn't feasible either. Insteadwe could all just be mindful of dealing properly with illness.

The person in the office bragging they've not had a day off in 15 years is always the one passing everything around!!

@mustbemad17 OK - there a 2% chance my daughter will catch it. 98% chance she won't. In 98% of cases children who are vaccinated will not catch it, because they have the required immunity.

No vaccine is 100% effective, but 98% effective is good enough for me, and the rest of the parents who choose to use it.

I maintain that your comment stating that the chicken pox vaccine doesn't stop children getting it or passing it on is (98%!) incorrect.

Getmeoutofhere...the ops nursery seems to have followed their procedure and said it's fine. If you had a child with a lung condition that gets rushed to hospital when colds go round, would you really send it to a nursery? Because I wouldn't. I can't think of a more dangerous thing to do. There are childminders about where the child would come into less contact with other children.

Sleeping standing up....I've no idea what happens when that child attends school I'm sorry, but I still don't think I would be sending a child which such a risky immune system to a nursery. I'd use a childminder instead perhaps whilst they are still young.

Well i agree which is why I have no job lol

Op, you've had a hard time on this thread but you now know that you did the wrong thing to send your toddler to nursery with a temperature. The right thing to do next time would be to cover childcare for DH's meeting then go on into work later on.

To add, I don't think the nursery are doing anything wrong by keeping him as long as he is happy, after I already made the (seemingly wrong) call to send him this morning. This is part of their sickness policy:

^Mild illness is common among children. Because with many conditions children spread infectious
agents before showing any symptoms, exclusion serves no purpose as long as we can keep a child
comfortable throughout the day. These children do not represent any harm to other children.^

They define 'fever' as more than 102 (38.9) (from ear), DS was max 100.4 (38) this morning, and when I called the nursery they said his temp was normal, so had reduced to 37.4 without calpol. They said that as long as he can take part in activities, and he doesn't require constant one-to-one attention it is fine to leave him there. DH and I have decided not to collect him earlier today, as we need to try to minimise the time off work for the sake of both our jobs.

I wish people could see the other side of the coin too. The one where mums (it’s always the mums) get called into the office and berated over time off while they struggle with bills and are terrified of being made homeless with young children to support.

This!!!

I've taken my DS to nursery when he is ill loads of time. Most of the time he's been fine. Occasionally he's got worse and they called me. If I took time off every time he had a cold and a borderline temperature I'd never be at work.

His nursery would give calpol and would only call you to collect if the temperature didn't go down.

I think you are getting far too much of a hard time here OP. As a parent you have to make judgement calls. Sometimes you get it right and sometimes you don't.

(BTW I'm off with him today due to sickness, which is a no-brainer to keep him off).

@tabby I’m on continuous antibiotics atm, to prevent worsening of my condition. I never knew taking them all the time as a prevention rather than treatment was a thing until my diagnosis.

You’ll get a phone call to come collect the poor little boy at some point.

Nothing worse then a selfish parent who sends their snotty unwell child to a nursery to infect everyone else....

To add, I don't think the nursery are doing anything wrong by keeping him as long as he is happy, after I already made the (seemingly wrong) call to send him this morning. This is part of their sickness policy:

OP I don't think you did anything wrong. If he was ill and / or had a temperature nursery would have rung you to collect. They haven't and therefore you made the right call.

User..I think it's fine. You are no different to the rest of us. You had to make a quick decision this morning, then worried about it afterwards (as we all do). The nursery have said he's fine, his temperature is probably no worse than half the kids there. They probably appreciated your call and hopefully have put your mind at rest. You can't take time off work every time a sniffle presents itself.

I do feel sorry for you Op. You're being made to feel bad about 'prioritising' work but I do understand what you mean about being called out of work rather than not showing up. It's bloody hard being a working parent.
Regarding how to treat a fever, a paediatrician relative of dh told me never to take the dcs out of the house for a prolonged period when they have a temperature of 37.6 or above. That may be ultra conservative but I've always followed it. Also I think if your ds is at nursery he won't be able to rest and his temperature is likely to go up.

MissEliza.."if he's at nursery he won't be able to rest"!!! Why ever not? Most nursery's have cots and specified sleep times. I think your paediatrician friend is a bit cuckoo sorry.

You can disagree with his opinion. Doctors have all kind of opinions but please don't call him cuckoo. He's a doctor with over 35 years experience as a paediatrician. I don't know why people on MN can't just disagree politely.

@tabby Emily’s post didn’t say the ill child had a cold, she said a temperature, and that the nursery had asked for child to picked up. Our nursery policy is to contact parents if a temp is high.

In all honesty, no, if there’s real possibility that catching d and v for eg would out my child in hospital I wouldn’t want to send my child to nursery or school where parents knowingly send sick dc. I’d want to keep my child at home with me, wrapped up in cotton wool.

I also would not knowingly send in a sick child though. My friend used to be a childminder and from the things she has told me, she had more parents trying to send sick children than my nursery did.

I can see both sides, I really can, some schools bang in and in abiut attendance, some employers punish parents (mostly mums) for needing time off for sick children and the loss of earnings can creat real hardship. My job is the lower paid one so it’s me who takes the time off to pick up dd if she is sick, which means my employer has to arrange cover so to meet ratios or send dc home from my nursery. I really can see why sending a poorly child to nursery and school seems like the option that causes least problems, maybe something needs to change within the work environment so that taking time off to look after sick children is the easier and less complicated option, encouraging Dads to do an equal amount if leaving work to collect and look after sick children, not sidelining women, not giving Parents shit if their dchas been i week and they need time off work. Not losing all earnings to look after sick dc. I genuinely don’t know, it’s shit on both sides.

A gp said to me once too (when I asked if it was a worry my child had constant colds) not to worry, they all get them and he had given his own child the nickname 11 because of a constant streamy nose, and she would have a fantastic immune system when older (which turned out right). There is no way you can keep an otherwise healthy child in just because their temp is over 37.6.

I’d take mine in with a temp under 38 and a cold, I hardly ever take their temp and when I do it’s normally well over 38 as I don’t think I even think to check them unless they felt really warm so could quite easily miss a temp of 37.8 or similar. However I kept her off when she was sick the other week for the 48 hours even though she wasn’t acting unwell at any point.

My nursery has gone zero tolerance on this, this year. If your dc had come to us today you would have had a phone call to come and collect asap.

We have sent numerous children home the last 2 weeks because parents are bringing them in poorly or sending them back in before they're fully recovered!

I'm a working parent that uses a nursery as well so I do understand how difficult it is. My dc have been ill every other week since September and we have no support network so I get it. Bottom line is dc come first.

It's not even just about the staff and other children it's really miserable for the child.

So all the people who say that their kids have been sick non-stop since September because of 'selfish' people like the OP, have you personally taken that whole period off work because your child is ill then? Or have you also had to send them in when they are maybe not 100%. Presumably the OP's son caught the cold from another child at the nursery and so on. It's very easy to berate people who have to try to hang on to their job when you don't work yourself and have the option of having the day off.

•My child’s been ill permanently since about September, are you really not supposed to send them in with a cold? I would’ve been sacked by now •

Yes cheers- it is people like you that are the reason my little one has been in the midst of sickness or some virus bug or whatever since August and I am now out of leave taking unpaid time as again little one is at home with a temperature and hacking cough she picked up from nursery where other parents are too busy.

I cannot describe in words how utterly selfish this kind of behaviour is. Never mind neglectful